The Ginger Files

Merry X-Mas

2011-12-22T13:21:00.000-08:00

And so we've reached the end of the X-Factor season. I've been a bit lax in my pithy commentary on the show. Part of it stems from being a bit overbooked at work. Part of it stems from a slip in passion after the eliminations of Drew and Rachel Crow. With the season just an hour away from being over, though, I feel the need to weigh in a little on the show and how this first season has progressed.

For the most part, yes, I do find X-Factor entertaining. The added production value, the mentor-performer relationship, and the seeming realization that this show is supposed to produce viable, contemporary artists has kept me pretty engaged. It's no American Idol, but what show could ever really assume the mantle of that behemoth beauty? It's a good place filler while we wait for Idol to launch in the winter, and it's nice to get a weekly visitation with Simon who is as acidic and prescient as ever. The show has been populated by seemingly likable personalities on the stage and has kept the drama high with the rules that seem to change every week and the elimination of acts that seemed destined for greatness.

And that brings me to some areas where I've found X-Factor lacking. Yes, I know that part of the bread and butter of shows like this is the shocking elimination. It's how they manipulate us to vote and keep us watching, keep us invested. I also, though, think that the way that X-Factor has set up its elimination process is part of the problem. It's hard to have the incentive to vote, for example, when you feel like your voice is muted a little by the ability of the judges to overrule your vote...or when the judges are so stupid in how they decide who to send home. Initially, I did like the idea of the judges ultimately deciding who stays and goes. It seemed like a good safeguard against American stupidity. After all, such a set-up may have given us Melinda Doolittle: American Idol instead of Melinda Doolittle: Who's That Again? Midway through the season, though, the rules seemed to change and double eliminations were foisted upon us. (I suspect it came about the time that Fox executives realized that, if the show eliminated acts one week at a time, they would extend past Christmas and veer dangerously close to the launch of Idol, and no one at Fox wants to piss off Simon Fuller.) All of a sudden, our votes DID count, and artists were picked off heartlessly with little to no fanfare because they garnered the smallest number of votes. And then we had the other two in the bottom three sing for their proverbial lives -- which led to a couple of the more memorable moments in the show's history, but moments that seem more mired in shame than triumph.

First, we had the vote to eliminate Drew over Marcus Canty. I will admit that the judges were right in wanting Drew to mix things up a bit. While I loved her Sarah McLachlan/Kate Bush/Tori Amos sort of vibe, yes, in retrospect, it would have been interesting to see her try something a little more upbeat. And if she had been allowed to stay one more week, we would have seen just that since the next week found the acts have "Dance Week" foisted upon them. The decision to eliminate Drew fell on Paula and Nicole, and the decision they made to keep Marcus just sort of left me flummoxed and made me question the decision to give such power to the judges.

And then came Rachel's ouster. Once again, we had a face off against Marcus. Rachel sang her guts out on her elimination song. She had "star potential" written all over her. And then Nicole made the decision to essentially NOT make a decision, prompting a deadlock which ended with a 14 year old girl collapsing to the floor and sobbing. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I think I've ever witnessed on live television. What made it even more frustrating were the post-show interviews where basically Nicole admitted that her "decision" to go to deadlock was a way to allow Marcus Canty to be eliminated "gracefully." She, like all of us, assumed Marcus was the lowest vote-getter. She, like all of us, assumed wrong. Had Nicole "done the right thing" and voted with her conscience the way every other judge did, Rachel MIGHT have been performing last night alongside those creepy Michael Jackson robots.

And yeah, let's talk now about last night...

Somehow, having a threesome in the finale (tee hee) cuts down on the drama a bit, or is that just me? There's something just more exciting about the big head-to-heads -- Kelly vs. Justin, Clay vs. Ruben, Carrie vs. Bo, Adam vs. Kris. When there are three involved, it just feels muted. Add to it the odd choice to make their first songs duets with actual singers, famous ones, and it felt like X-Factor just had kind of given up a little. While it was exciting to see Alanis, Avril, and R. Kelly singing alongside the X-ers (I really miss calling them Idols, man), it also proved to point out all of the shortcomings in Josh, Chris, and Melanie. Josh is not a rock star, no matter how much Nicole wants to position him to be. He's a bluesman, and a bluesman's voice is not a good match for Alanis's music. (Am I the only one who thinks that they lined up Alanis early in the season when Drew seemed like a lock for the finale??) Chris is an entertaining kid, but again, "Complicated" was really out of his range (and seemingly out of Avril's, too. There's a big difference between what you can sing at 17 and what you can sing at almost 30, isn't there, kiddo?). I liked the insertion of the rap mid-song, but the first verse where he was straining to reach notes was just painful. (What do you think -- was Avril lined up to be Rachel's duet buddy?) Melanie probably held it together the best, but it was on a song that has always made my teeth ache with hatred, so..... there's that.

Mid-show, we got perhaps one of the most bizarre displays and yet one of the most unintentionally metaphoric performances that has ever been on one of these shows. We get these faceless Robotos with money signs dancing while the finalists sang Michael Jackson's "They Don't Care." Faceless robots only concerned with money singing, "All I really know is that they don't really care about us." On a reality talent show. It was kind of spooky in its perfection, and yet I would suspect that not a single person involved with putting that spectacle together ever stopped for a second to say, "Hey, guys, does anyone else find this sort of funny....to have a bunch of previously unknown kids singing about how we don't care about them with the dancing implication being that all we DO care about is money? No? Just me? Okay, cool."

I did find it rather brilliant to have the finalists, for their "$5 million song", sing their initial audition songs. Once it dawned on me, though, that this was happening, I knew that Josh and Chris were screwed. Josh's performance of "At Last" was okay, but it lacked that shock and awe of his audition performance. "Young Homey" was charming as always, but I kind of feel like we've seen that song enough times over the course of the past couple months, that there was nothing particularly revelatory about it. It's a great song, but is it the kind of song you win a $5 million talent show contest with? Probably not. And then came Melanie. We were assured by Stevecrest that the performance order had been drawn at random, but come on! You don't waste "Listen" on first or second. It can only go in the pimp spot, and we all knew Melanie was going to tear that joint down. She's grown as a performer over these weeks, with assurance and poise that she didn't have seven months ago. "Listen" is a barnburner, and I'll frankly be kind of stunned if Melanie doesn't win based on the sheer perfection of that performance being our last performance of the night.

Of course, I've been wrong before. I will say that I think the final two comes down to Melanie and Chris. While I love Josh, I don't think he's been given a chance to really establish his personality and story the way that Mel and Chris have these past several weeks. I also think that he has been held back significantly by his mentor. Baby Nicole's insistence on turning him into a rock star has put Josh in repeated situations where he's seemed downright miserable. The guy has gotten some exposure, will probably land a record deal, and will have a nice career playing larger clubs and opening for Ray LaMontagne for the next couple years. There's no shame in that. Melanie and Chris, however, have been given far better treatment. They were with mentors who seemed to understand the niche that their artists were filling, who understand how to actually make kids into stars, and have hustled on behalf of their artists. They've given us character and backstory galore. They've grown as artists. Chris is probably the more viable contemporary artist, truth be told, but since when did the more viable contemporary artist win one of these things? Melanie is the kind of artist who wins these things. (Is it a coincidence that every time I look at her, I have to squint to make sure I'm not looking at Jordin Sparks or Leona Lewis?) The people who vote for these things are not sitting on the cutting edge of music...or even on the blade of the cutting edge....or the handle....or even in the same drawer. They like their winners filled with big voices and who cares if they can't make it work on the charts. We're stuck in 1992 as voters, and there is nothing 1992 about Chris Rene. Here's hoping LA Reid sticks with Chris after tonight and ushers him to a recording contract that will allow him to build a career. Melanie will be able to coast off her win, perhaps, for a good-selling single or two, maybe even a top ten album debut, and then fade into the same obscurity that awaits Javier Colon (from The Voice) and that has already welcomed Kris Allen and Lee Dewyze.

Again, let me say that I have enjoyed the show as a great filler for Idol. I look forward to next season, a season that I do hope does NOT include Nicole Scherzinger, who has to be the worst judge since Ellen Degeneres. I hope the show examines its formula just a bit and addresses some of those issues that have proved so frustrating -- primarily the inconsistency in terms of voting and elimination. Okay, yeah, a host with slightly more personality might be nice, too, although Stevecrest did kind of grow on me in his awkward sort of way. But I'm not going to lie when I say that I will let out a huge sigh of relief when Ryan, Randy, JLo, and Steve are making their weekly visits to my living room and I can complain about something I have known and loved for so many years rather than the new formula who just isn't quite the same.

The Season of Love and Joy and All That Jazz

2011-12-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

Except when it pertains to pickles, Nascar racing, and the music of Justin Bieber, I'm a pretty tolerant person. It's like Depeche Mode said, "People are people." One thing, though, that leaves me feeling pretty darn intolerant is, well, intolerance. And is it just me, or does it seem like intolerance is running pretty rampant this holiday season?

Facebook has been littered with people ranting about "Happy Holidays" becoming a more preferred/recommended greeting this time of year rather than "Merry Christmas." I've been a "Happy Holidays" person for a long time, decades really, much of that stemming from the fact that I have several Jewish friends. My parents always taught me to be considerate of others and not to go out of my way to make them feel bad or left out. I always invited every kid in my class to my birthday parties (even if I didn't like them all), and I wanted to make sure that my friends who were not Christian understood that I wanted their December to be happy, even if their December didn't involve Christmas trees. I love, too, the all-encompassing feel of "Happy Holidays," the fact that it recognizes that this time of year is meaningful for everyone, not just Christians. As I've gotten older, December has become not just about Christmas, but it's about the end of one year and the beginning of a new one, of love and remembrance. And to me, it's important that I include all the people who mean something to me (and even those who don't) in that spirit of celebration -- be they Jewish, Atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, or what have you.

And yet there are people out there becoming downright militant about this "Merry Christmas" thing. Sunday afternoon, my sis was at work. (She's the receptionist at a hair salon.) She was ringing out a woman who had been in getting her hair done, and this woman's friend looked at my sis and said, "Tell her 'Merry Christmas,'" and then proceeded to go on a rant about people who say "Happy Holidays" and how much she hates that. My sis, who told me she typically doesn't offer any holiday greeting at work -- sticking with the tried and true "Thank you and have a nice day" -- gritted her teeth and gave in, wishing the woman a forced "Merry Christmas" even though she told me that she DESPERATELY wanted to say, "Happy Hannukah, bitch. I'm Jewish." (I told her that I probably would have said that. I'm 40. I don't care anymore!!)

I find it kind of ironic that many people are becoming so militant and downright hateful about this. I mean, isn't Christianity supposed to be about peace and love? Wouldn't Jesus be understanding of the idea that there are people out there who believe differently? Um, wasn't Jesus Jewish? So he totally wouldn't even celebrate Christmas outside of the whole "It's my birthday" kind of thing....and doesn't Jesus seem like the kind of guy who wouldn't want to make a big deal out of his birthday?

Listen, I think it's great that Christians are so devoted to their faith and want to celebrate this holiday that is such a meaningful part of their faith. I love me some Christmas, too, but I also think that, during this time of year when faith becomes such a center of many lives, it's a time to really think about what that faith preaches and remember that our world is virtual mulligatawny of faiths. That carrot swimming next to you is a part of that soup even if he is dripping in curry ... or super kosher. Together, we make a great soup, so let's work together rather than spending this season writhing with the indigestion of intolerance.

Happy December, everyone!

Rock Out With Your X Out

2011-11-17T06:35:00.000-08:00

So last night was "Rock Week." I've never made a secret of the fact that I'm not particularly fond of Idol's adherence to "theme weeks." I get that it allows for a pool of music, narrowing the choices of a performer, but it also can prove deadly to performers who've found a market and then are asked to fit into a style that's wildly different. (Think Josh Gracin on "Disco Night.") While "Rock Week" is a relatively broad category, it was a bit frustrating last night to see judges ding performers for picking songs closer to their personal styles, songs that could technically be considered "rock" but which weren't, you know, Bon Jovi or something ridiculous like that. To me, rock embraces so much more than heavy guitar riffs and thrashing heads. Rock is just as much about soul and attitude and passion. And so yes, Simon, Bob Marley is a rock artist. And yes, L.A., "Everybody Hurts" is a rock song. So get off your damn high horses, stop griping at each other over petty stuff, and judge these kids on their merits rather than nitpicking over whether they've "cheated" by finding a song that allows them to maintain their artistic identity.

It's becoming clear that there is a definite dividing line emerging amongst the performers with a handful of them pulling away from the pack and another group of them falling further and further behind. Once mighty powerhouses are now seeming weak and desperate as dark horses begin to find their mojo. There's still a tiny (and shrinking) group in the middle trying to decide which part of the race it wants to land in, although my gut tells me that as this "lead pack" gets stronger and stronger (and the weak ones are picked off by America and the judges), those middle performers will start to fade, too.

So how do they stack up? Wait no more, friends.

1. Drew -- U2 is one of my all-time favorite bands. I sat through Rattle and Hum THREE TIMES in the theatre in the course of one week. So I get a little dubious when someone tries to tackle U2 because for me, there is only one Bono and duplicating the power of his voice is nearly impossible. And yet Drew's performance last night was mesmerizing. It gave me chills. "With or Without You" became so haunting. Yes, I, too, was waiting for her to kick in a little there at the end, but I admire Drew for sticking to her guns, for knowing the artist that she is and finding ways to bring that to the stage every week. I can't imagine her voice going uptempo. There are certainly plenty of artists who have stuck within their niche. (There are frequent comparisons online between Drew and Sarah McLachlan. I would encourage Drew fans to also take a listen to Tori Amos and Kate Bush...artists who've worked with the same sort of canvas beautifully for decades without compromising.)
2. Astro -- As soon as they announced it was "Rock Week," my sis and I both were like, "Crap. Astro is screwed." There was no way Astro was going to come out and do Bon Jovi. My prediction was he would go with "Walk This Way" which was that first real mash up of hip hop and rock, but his choice of Puff Daddy's "I'll Be Missing You" was terrific. Turning the lyrics into an ode to old school hip hop was shockingly moving (I teared up. Seriously.) Add to it that last night, for the first time, Astro seemed genuine and even downright humble. The fact that he calls LA and Simon "Sir"...that kid kind of touches my heart. He is smart, he knows who he is, and he could have a future in the business.
3. Rachel Crow -- It's kind of unfortunate that Rachel went so early in the show. Her "Satisfaction" was pretty killer. She was able to play up the bluesyness of that song and still turn out a pretty rocking performance. The problem was that a lot of good stuff came after she did, so it was easy to kind of forget how good she had been by the time some of the others rolled around. Her growth, though, is pretty spectacular, and she maybe puts on one of the best shows of anyone else up there (with the exception of Astro). Plus, it was just nice to see her actually MOVE last night.
4. Josh Krajcik -- Josh was probably the truest rocker out there last night. He chose a current, legit rock band (Foo Fighters) and picked one of their hardest rocking songs ("The Pretender"). I think if I had liked the actual song a little better (I was hoping for "Everlong"), I would have ranked him higher on this list, but Josh is clearly in that lead pack that is jostling for supremacy. Honestly, this top four could be in any order and I'd be fine, and I can't imagine the finale not involving two of these four. The sad thing is that it will only get to be TWO of these FOUR. (PS -- Baby Nicole probably bugged me more here than any other time last night with her ridiculous head banging and rock posturing. Get over yourself, B.N.)
5. Melanie Amaro -- For me, Melanie falls in that middle pack, that pack that has to decide pretty quickly whether it wants to surge and join the lead pack or whether it's content to finish in the middle. There was nothing particularly WRONG with her "Everybody Hurts." It was actually quite lovely. REM is not really a "singer's band". Michael Stipe knew what his voice could and could not do and wrote pretty vocally simple stuff to meet the abilities of that voice. Melanie was able to find some nuance and add some gymnastics that felt organic to the sound and made it her own. The problem is that, while it did have that soaring passage toward the end, it was largely relatively dull. Melanie is a gorgeous TECHNICAL singer, but she lacks that spark that makes Drew, Astro, Rachel, and Josh so unforgettable. At this point, though, I'm having a hard time imagining Melanie finishing better than fifth.
6. Marcus Canty -- The same is true of Marcus. Truthfully, outside of the general showmanship, his performance of Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart" (one of my all-time favorite songs) was kind of lackluster. Yeah, he crawled under girls' skirts and shook what his mama gave him, but vocally? Yeah, not so much. The rawness and the passion of that song were completely lost, and it became just a touch Kids, Incorporated for me. That being said, I really like Marcus and think he has the potential to surge up into that lead pack, but he has to find a way to make his vocal energy match his physical energy. Otherwise, he's just a really good back-up dancer who somehow got stuck singing lead because the "real" singer was sick.
7. LeRoy Bell -- If they're going to call out Drew for giving the same performance every week, it's time to call out LeRoy, too. Again, there was nothing technically WRONG with his "We've Got Tonight," but it was dull and just more of the same. I like the guy, but when he's onstage, he just seems a bit lazy. There's a passion missing, and I would not be surprised to see LeRoy in the bottom tonight even though I've got him in the safety zone. (It doesn't help that he had to go first and was completely forgotten by the end of the show. That first slot is a killer at this stage in the game.)
8. Chris Rene -- I am still completely defending Bob Marley as a rock star, and I think it was perfectly acceptable for Rene to pick Marley's "No Woman No Cry" last night. The problem is that it just wasn't all that interesting. The limitations of his voice are becoming more and more apparent as the show goes on, and at this point, his tearjerker story may not be enough to keep him going much longer, especially when there are so many really great performers taking the stage every week. He slips further and further behind every week. The clock is ticking, Chris. Make up your mind. Are you in this to win it, or are you just banking on it to open some doors?
9. Lakoda Rayne -- Even though I am not ranking them last, I would not be surprised to see Lakoda Rayne voted off this week. Their mashup of the Outfield's "Your Love" and Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way" was shrill and just a mess. Add to it that the attempt to give the girls personality in their introduction video really just made them seem kind of bitchy, and I can't imagine America voting for them. The only way Lakoda Rayne is not in the bottom is if people feel a tremendous surge of loyalty to Paula and vote for them to keep Paula from having a complete nervous breakdown. And it helps that there was one performer significantly worse last night, one performer who absolutely deserves to go home, and that would be ....
10. Stacy Francis -- Holy shit! Talk about a hot mess! I'm not sure I've ever sat through a performance quite so painful. It was like the train crash scene in Super 8 ... only ten times worse. It was shrill and screechy and completely out of her zone. Add to it the fact that my sis and I were completely frustrated that NO ONE called her out on the fact that, essentially, she was doing a Celine Dion song. (Yes, Meatloaf covered "It's All Coming Back to Me" ... AFTER Celine. Yes, the song was maybe technically written FOR Meat. But come on, that's a freakin' Celine Dion song. If they're going to ding Chris Rene for Bob Marley and Melanie Amaro for REM, they need to call Stacy out on freakin' Celine!) In all seriousness, if Stacy is not sent home, America needs to have its ears examined. I was literally cringing watching the whole performance as she hit rotten note after rotten note. It was self-indulgent and out of control. And Stacy had to know that. Thank God the judges last night were willing to be honest with these performers on more than one occasion and tell them that they had made giant mis-steps. (Why LA was so gentle with Stacy, I don't know....she does seem like the kind of chick who would get voted off and then go backstage and blow her brains out, so maybe LA doesn't want that on his conscience. Simon and Paula clearly don't give a shit. Bravo to them.)

Another judge is going to have to be on the chopping block tonight now that Paula is down to one act left. If there's any justice, it'll be Stacy and Lakoda Rayne standing up there (and my fear is that the judges will save Stacy even though her last several performances -- ever since the show went live -- have been mediocre at best, excrutiating at worst), but again, I wouldn't be surprised to see LeRoy there instead of Stacy. (And I could imagine the judges cutting LeRoy loose to spare Paula's psyche for one more week.) But we also know I'm kinda lousy at this whole prognosticating thing, so.......

X-Tremely Busy

2011-11-10T15:57:00.001-08:00

I've been swamped with post-show, post-student teacher, total exhaustion blues, so no time to write a full X Factor blog tonight. After last week, it's clear I'm a little off in my game, but I did think last night's strongest performers were Rachel and Josh with Drew and Astro nipping at their heels. Who do I think will be in the bottom two? My money is on Stereo Hoggz (I thought their "Ain't No Other Man" was abyssmal!) and Stacy Francis (whose "Queen of the Night" was painful to watch...and listen to!).

I'll write more tomorrow since I have an entire day (and weekend!) off.

Promise!

It's Alive!

2011-11-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

It's another journey today in the Way Back Machine, friends, only this time, let's just journey back to late March of 2011. I had just finished directing our high school's production of Grease, a show that will probably be one of those "legendary" shows to which every show we do for the next couple years will be compared. It had a big cast, huge audiences, and was just a really good experience for everyone involved, especially the kids. My seniors sadly wandered off into the last quarter of their high school careers, finding themselves a bit adrift now that their primary extracurricular activities (speech and drama) were over for the year. My younger students, within a day or so of Grease closing, began appearing in my classroom with one question: "What's the fall show going to be?" We have a year-end banquet to recognize drama and speech kids, so I promised them I would have a decision made by then, giving myself about a month to read some scripts and make some decisions.

I assessed the talent I had remaining once graduation wiped me out of some major players. I did some searches, dug through my script library, and came across an old favorite of mine that I thought just might work for us -- Woody Allen's Don't Drink the Water. It had been several years since I'd read the script, so I curled up one night and read it again, immediately hearing the voices of many Drama Club kids. The script had a flexibility that would work well for me, with several of the parts being open to either a male or female in the role. It was funny, and I had several upcoming seniors who were natural comedians. There were some issues with the humor being a bit dated (it's set in the American embassy in an Iron Curtain communist nation in the mid-1960's), but I realized with a little tweaking and suspension of disbelief (like conveniently "forgetting" there isn't really an Iron Curtain anymore), we could have a pretty timely and funny show. I made the announcement and began circulating the script amongst Drama Club kids, building early excitement for the show before school was even out.

Over the course of the summer, I re-read the script many times (typically about once a week) and began working on a set design (one that changed many times over the course of that three month period), figuring out what dialogue updates needed to take place, picking audition cuttings, and generally getting ready to hit the ground running when school started at the end of August.

We held auditions right after Labor Day, and let me tell you, auditions are just as stressful for directors as they are for actors -- maybe even more so. I sat in the auditorium over the course of two nights knowing that I was going to have to break some hearts, especially when over thirty kids showed up to audition for roughly thirteen speaking roles. There were some loyal Drama Club kids who just wouldn't be able to be cast. Once I'd kind of settled on WHO I wanted/had to cast, I needed to start thinking about HOW to cast them. For me, I typically work my way through multiple cast lists before a final one is posted on my classroom door the morning after auditions. I might leave auditions with one concept for the cast list in my head, but then I go home and re-read the script (or at least portions of the script), "listening" for voices I've heard in auditions. I spend some time at the gym, thinking things through on the elliptical machine. Sometimes, I have to strike some deals with myself -- "Okay, Mel, you can cast that freshman girl, but you can't cast her as the lead." Sometimes, an epiphany strikes me through one of my readings and someone I hadn't really planned on casting emerges as the ONLY person who could possibly play that part. I type up a cast list right before I go to bed, and then I sleep on it -- sometimes waking up in the morning to make a slight tweak here or there.

There's maybe nothing worse than the day the cast list is posted. For every giddy face walking down the hall clutching a newly received script, there are at least two more sad, dejected faces that can't make eye contact with me. In years past, there has been anger over cast lists, Facebook campaigns challenging decisions that were made. (Oh, the heat my music director and I took over our Grease list!) Ultimately, though, things kind of settle into a groove and we're able to start those first rehearsals.

I love the first read through of a script. It's usually relatively informal. We meet in my classroom, circle up desks, and just sit and read the script aloud for the first time. There's something really incredible about hearing the characters that I've lived with in my head for so many months finally have a real voice and real life. Every now and then, you have an "Oh, crap!" moment where that person who auditioned so beautifully suddenly seems devoid of any expression, but those moments are few and far between. (And that person usually gets it together over the course of rehearsals.) The sense of company that builds in that first read thru is also pretty darn exhilarating. I take the idea of a "company" very seriously as a director, and seeing it all come together can be a little emotional for me.

As much as I love the first read thru, I also really hate the first week or so of rehearsals. This is when I'm little more than a traffic cop, telling people where to move and when. There isn't necessarily a lot of acting going on at this point so much as just getting the basic choreography of the show down. Actors are tethered to their scripts, so their physical engagement and development of character is borderline non-existent. It's a slog getting through that first week or so, but slowly, eventually, we get to a place where characters begin to emerge, where I can become a guide through that process and help students develop stronger and more realistic characters, where I can actually teach the kids rather than boss them around.

While this is going on, I'm also working on creating the physical existence of the show. That set design that's resided on paper for the past months begins to take shape. Walls come up, paint is applied, details are added that turn our little stage into whatever we need it to be -- a posh English sitting room, a parfumerie, a hat shop, a jury room, a high school cafeteria, or the reception area of the US Embassy. Lights get designed and focused. Sound effects are created. Posters go up. Costumes are pulled or found after hours scouring the local thrift shops. You get to a point where you find yourself sitting in a darkened auditorium and this thing you've lived with theoretically for eight months (almost the same amount of time it takes to birth a child -- how odd is that?) is suddenly a living, breathing organism that is ready to share with the world. I often cry on opening night from happiness, from exhaustion, from relief, from the sadness as I realize this could be the last time I work with some of those kids on stage, but largely from the sheer overwhelming fact that this huge thing has somehow come to life despite actors who struggle to learn lines, kids who drop out at the last minute because tech week conflicts with basketball practice (yup -- that happened), cues that just don't want to work the way you wanted them to, and all the petty little issues that come up no matter how hard you try to keep them away. You've laughed, you've cried, you've pleaded and cajoled. Sometimes, you've even yelled. Whether because of or in spite of your best efforts, it's alive...and it will all be over in a matter of days, and the walls will come tumbling down, the costumes will be packed up in a closet, and the kids will wander off down the hall. Peace will return to the land, and you'll be resentful and long for those crazy nights after school where you could feel your hair turning grey because Michael just can't seem to enter through the right door!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- I have the best job in the world. No matter how stressful this process may be, I wouldn't dream of doing anything else. I only hope that my students get that lucky when they go out into the world -- to build a life, a career that has more good days than bad and that makes every day a new adventure.

X-citement

2011-11-03T07:25:00.001-07:00

Last night, I cheated on my longtime love. I actually found myself saying OUT LOUD, "Here's why I love X-Factor more than American Idol..." and I immediately went white in the face and felt as if I had commited a tremendous sin. After all, what in the world could I possibly love more than Idol? Okay, I actually love LOTS of things more than Idol, but in terms of reality singing competitions, no one has ever stolen my heart the way Idol did back in the old days, before we settled into a routine, broke up once or twice, and got to a place where we could live together in a sometimes passionless co-existence. And yet last night, I found myself more engaged with X-Factor than I have since maybe season three of Idol. The judging (outside of just about any of the nonsense erupting from Baby Nicole's mouth) was relatively spot on and largely constructive (at times). The performances were pretty incredible in most cases. They actually sing relevant, CONTEMPORARY music. (And don't get me started on how much I love the mashups!) The production value of this show is out of control. Before Baby Nicole said it about 100 times to Marcus (I think it was), I commented to my sis that it felt like a legit concert with choreography, effects, and really good vocals.

It's going to be interesting to see who goes home tonight (and I'll offer some thoughts on that in a bit) because the performances last night were largely insanely good. Think of Top 12 week of Idol. By this point on Idol, there's already a clear frontrunner (and usually, you're able to spot who will come in second), there's a handful of decent, promising performances, and there are usually four or five absolute wrecks. You know by week 12 who is not going to last long on Idol. Can you really say that after last night's X-Factor? There may be a couple artists that may not have a shot at the $5million and the "iconic" Pepsi ad, but the fact that there are at least half of them that have a really clear shot at victory is completely stunning to me. I'm not sure how X-Factor has been able to assemble such an amazing lineup of "undiscovered" talent while Idol has been able to only muster up a couple every year (and left us with piles of discarded wannabes like Michael Sarver and Haley Scarnato). While I'm not necessarily a fan of all twelve finalists here, I can see merit in each and every one of them and can understand WHY people may vote for them -- something that's not always true of many Idols at this point in the season.

With that being said, someone has to go home tonight. It's in the rules, and X-Factor wisely eschews the judge's save that could keep an eliminated contestant in the game for at least one more week. Someone's heart will be broken tonight.

Like I do with Idol, here are my rankings of last night's performances as well as some thoughts on who will be ending their Ido-, er X-Factor journey tonight.

1. Drew ("Just a Dream") I'm torn right now between Josh and Drew for my favorites. They're the two artists here that I can imagine downloading their cd's. Ultimately, I liked Drew's performance just a touch better last night if only because I had never heard this Nelly song that she covered and was impressed with the fact that she stepped just a touch out of her usual comfort zone but still managed to deliver an upbeat song with that fragility I love in her voice. This kid is incredible. The competition here is tough, but I'm rooting for Drew to go all the way.
2. Josh Krajcik ("Jar of Hearts") Like Simon, "Jar of Hearts" is one of my favorite songs of the past year or so. I was a little uncertain when Josh started off, but the song was a good match for that soulful gravel that inhabits his voice. Josh will likely never be a "pop" star, but he will reside in the iPod playlists of many over 30 music fans -- and there are a ton of us out there! We made Ray LaMontagne a star; we can do it for you, too, Burrito Man!
3. Stereo Hogzz ("Rhythm Nation") Stereo Hogzz was saddled with the dreaded first spot on the show last night, a spot that is okay as the numbers dwindle, but when you're followed by eleven pretty hot performances...YIKES! To be honest, I'd kind of forgotten they'd even performed until the recap at the end when I thought, "Wow. Yeah. Stereo Hogzz killed tonight!" I hope America has a better memory than I do and this group sticks around longer because they really were one of the top performances last night.
4. Melanie Amaro ("Desperado") I think Melanie is going to be the divisive contestant this year Chez Mel. My sis is not a fan, calling her dated and overblown. I like her (and not just because Simon called her "Mel" once. Really!) I loved her performance of "Desperado," a song that gains a whole new and more powerful meaning in the hands of a woman. America isn't necessarily fans, it seems, of the soul divas, especially old-school ones like Melanie seems to be striving for. She may fall prey to the same thing Pia Toscano fell victim to last year -- relying too heavily on ballads and being just too note perfect in those performances. Melanie, though, seems to have at least a little more character than Pia, so maybe she'll be the soul diva left standing as the season progresses.
5. Marcus Canty ("Nothin' on You"/"Every Little Step") I've been a Marcus fan since day one, and I think that he is likely LA's best chance at claiming victory this season over Simon or Baby Nicole (who lucked out getting the Over 30's and Josh!). Chris seems to be flaming out a little, and I just don't know how America is going to handle a hip hop artist like Astro. (More on those two in a bit.) Marcus, though, seems like the kind of guy who might attract a healthy following. He's crazy talented, cute, and seems like a genuinely nice kid -- sure to appeal to tweens and moms alike!
6. Rachel Crow ("Walking on Sunshine") Rachel is America's Sweetheart. She is sassy and spunky and full of fire. I wasn't super crazy about this particular performance (and agree with Baby Nicole -- GASP! -- that the lyrics really didn't need to be changed), but this kid has a definite following (I suspect) that will keep her going for much longer than maybe she should. Her voice isn't as interesting as Drew's or as strong as Melanie's but her character is the more memorable of those three. I do applaud Simon for not pushing her to sing songs that are way too adult for her (like, I'm sorry, "If I Were a Boy"), but that soulful quality to her voice is wasted on kitschy pop like "Walking on Sunshine." If Simon can find that middle ground, Rachel could have longer legs than I think.
7. Stacy Francis ("Up to the Mountain") It is almost staggering how quickly sentiment turned against Stacy at my house. Both my sis and I wept openly during Stacy's moving audition and fell (in the moment) for that whole "I don't wanna die with the music inside me" thing. Within a week or two, though, we were both SO over Stacy and her messy mascara tears. I do think Baby Nicole was wise to listen to Simon and give Stacy a more soulful (or "church") song over the pop stuff she saddled her with last week. (I love me some George Michael, but "One More Try" was a bad choice for Stacy!) Unfortunately, for me, this song kind of belongs to Crystal Bowersox and Stacy's take last night just seemed overwrought and overworked. Sometimes, less is more.
8. Chris Rene ("Superstar") Chris is approaching that flame out territory, or maybe I'm just being influenced by LA's choice to surround the kid in fire last night (which was a really cool effect and was the moment that prompted me to declare my love for X-Factor over Idol). "Superstar" worked better for him than "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" did last week, but there's still something that's just not quite clicking here. Yes, I know Chris would prefer to do his own stuff (and why does Astro get to write whole rap verses but Chris has to be a cover artist?), but if he can't find a way to make these songs more than just nicely song tunes, he's in trouble.
9. Intensity ("Kids in America"/"Party Rock Anthem") They're cute. They're talented. They're starting to grate on my nerves just the tiniest bit. My sis calls them InTWEENsity (she's so clever!), and maybe that's part of it -- that youthful energy of theirs seems so forced but it just might be my cynical old age at play. It's only a matter of time before Fox parades these kids onto Glee to be a rival show choir for New Directions, but with ten of them, there's also no chance for them to establish enough of an identity to make us invest in them. I can't imagine them making it too much longer.
10. Astro ("Hip Hop Hooray"/"Get Ur Freak On") Astro is the big test case here. How will middle America respond to a full-on hip hop artist surrounded by pop wannabes? Is there a big portion of the X-Factor audience that's really into hip hop? Is there a big portion of the hip hop fanbase tuning into X-Factor? Who knows? I've seen numerous critics online railing against Astro's arrogance, but that's part of the hip hop culture. You don't get to be Kanye or Jay-Z without a little ego. You never see an MC called "shy" or "self-effacing." Astro is playing the part pretty perfectly, but will the audience GET that? Tonight is the test. If Astro is the name called to go home, I won't be surprised, but I kind of hope the kid sticks around if only to allow X-Factor to continue diversifying the music it offers each week.
11. LeRoy Bell ("I'm Already There") I worry for LeRoy. I honestly kind of forgot about him this morning as I was running through the performances from last night. I love the guy (and I'm not ashamed to say I think he's totally hot, whether he's 60 or not!). I wasn't a huge fan of the song choice for him, and while I thought the emotional connection he had to the lyrics was fine, I think he needs a stronger blues tune to really show off what he's packing.
12. Lakoda Rayne ("Landslide") This won't surprise you -- Simon was right. Lakoda Rayne's styling last night was horrible. How do you hand a Stevie Nicks song to these girls and then dress them like Miss America contestants circa 1978? (I seriously think I remember at least one of those dresses appearing in the dining room on The Love Boat once.) Yes, their voices have come together to blend more successfully than they did originally, but the pain and grit of that song was completely lost and sanitized. Do they GET what that song is even about? It sure didn't sound like it. (Confession: "Landslide" is one of my all-time favorite songs. I'm a little protective of it!) Add to it that the girls still seem kind of bitchy to me, and I would not be at all surprised if the four are sent packing tonight.

Crazy Little Thing Called English

2011-10-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

This week, my little study group has grown to include two Hispanic girls (one from Mexico, one from Cuba) and a quiet young Mexican boy. We've started a short story unit. The short stories in our text are written for students who, ideally, read at at least a ninth grade level. My study group is maybe lucky to read at a fourth grade level due to their language issues. My initial plan had been to scout out some third and fourth grade level literature books and select stories at their level. The first such book I read was rather old, the stories were really bland, and the whole idea ended up feeling almost insulting -- asking these kids to read stories about boring birthday parties rather than the exciting sorts of things covered in the literature book their peers are using. I also knew that I wanted to still try to teach them key literary concepts like conflict, protagonist, antagonist. Heck, I might even get bold and try something like irony. Those concepts were impossible with most of the stories I was finding in these elementary-level texts.

Our counselor, wh0 works closely with our ELL kids, told me how she had used summaries when working on novels with the kids last year. I thought there might be something there. Our first short story in the English I curriculum is Richard Connell's "The Most Dangerous Game." (It's a story I bet many of you read your freshman year of high school, too -- it's the one about the guy on the island that hunts people. Ring any bells?) It's a pretty long story with some complicated vocabulary for newbie English speakers. There's a reason, though, that it's taught in pretty much every freshman-level English course in the country, and that's because it's a pretty engaging story that crosses gender lines in terms of appeal and it's also a great way to teach some fundamental literary concepts to kids -- conflict, resolution, protagonist, antagonist, foreshadowing, mood, et cetera. The basic plot is something my kids could handle; it's just the vocabulary that would overwhelm them. So what I did was find a rather lengthy summary of the story online that I then went through and simplified the language a little more and added some more details from the story that would give them a deeper sense of the plot. I ended up with a five-page version of a story that's roughly 15 pages in our text. I then decided to take a similar approach with the other short stories in our book -- including Poe's "The Cask of Amontillado" and the classic "The Lady or the Tiger?" (Both of which have incredibly challenging vocabulary even for high school freshmen!)

As I've worked with my students during the short story unit, it remains amazing to me what they do and do not know in terms of language. Slang presents particular challenges. There's a line in "The Most Dangerous Game" where the villainous General Zaroff informs our hero, Rainsford, that there's no need to argue about the sanctity of human life because he hunts "the scum of the earth." My Spanish-speaking girls looked the word "scum" up in the Spanish-English dictionary and grew more confused when the definition for "scum" showed them a word that meant "lather." It led to a discussion of bathtub scum and what it might mean to call people that same word. The girls were rather stunned and insulted, particularly when Zaroff goes on to clarify that by "scum" he means black people, Chinese people, et cetera. Yup, the dude's a straight-up racist.

Sometimes, though, slang becomes a different sort of challenge. One of the great, classic lines comes at the end of the story when Rainsford and Zaroff finally meet face to face. Zaroff tells Rainsford he's won the hunt and tells him he will put him on a boat for home. Rainsford refuses this concession, declaring his intention to let this fight be a fight to the death by telling the general, "I am still a beast at bay." I knew "beast" was a word the kids might not know, but it's such a classic line in that story that I wanted to keep it and use it as a discussion of how Rainsford has lost touch with his humanity during this hunt. So I asked the kids, "Do you know what a beast is?"

Without missing a beat, one of my students (let's call her Angelica) says, "It means really good at something."

For those of you who don't spend twelve hours a day with teenagers, let me fill you in here. "Beast" has become a slang term for just what Angelica said. An example of "beast" in action: "I'm really beast at football" or "I beasted that game of Words with Friends." So for poor Angelica, she had that moment where she THOUGHT she knew the word, was excited to know the answer, and ended up being wrong because slang had let her down. Once she found out what "beast" really meant, of course, her understanding of its usage as slang became a bit muddier, too.

And it got me thinking about how we use language, how we take words and twist their meanings so far away from what was originally intended that kids like Angelica and my other ELL kids are fighting an uphill battle just trying to become proficient in speaking this language. When I was walking through the parking lot of Wal-Mart this weekend, I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Welcome to America. Now speak the language." It sounds like a great idea in theory -- the idea that people who move to a country (any country) should be proficient in that country's language. If I moved to France, I'd better brush up on that high school/college French and be able to function. This notion, though, is so much easier said than done, particularly when you're talking about English itself, a language that seems to break more rules than it follows. There's no consistency in phonetics. There are all these crazy idioms that make no sense when considered at a literal level. There's all this slang that seems to exist solely to twist the meaning of words around in such a way that they make no real sense. Here are these kids, none of whom necessarily CHOSE to move here, thrown into this environment where they are trying to learn this horribly difficult language, and they are faced with this sort of taunting intolerance. How many of us can say that our ancestors came to this country with a proficient grasp of English? Okay, yeah, the majority of my ancestors came from England and Ireland, so all they had to contend with was the accents, but a chunk of my mother's family came from Sweden. I'm thinking that they likely had not mastered English before stepping off that boat and heading across the country to Illinois. Somewhere in our family tree is someone who struggled to learn this language, so maybe a little compassion is in order since somewhere in our genetic past, a little compassion was thrown our way. Rather than slapping a bumper sticker on our cars that chastises those who are trying to learn our massive language (and ignoring the irony that they probably can't READ that bumper sticker if their language is that poor), how about volunteering to help with local agencies that reach out to non-native populations? How about taking the time in a store to help someone who's struggling to figure out what's what? The time I've spent this year with kids like Mya and Angelica have given me a stronger appreciation for how hard this is for them and how desperately they want to be successful. They know language is the key to that success. It's just a matter of finding the right lock and getting that door open. It takes a village, guys, not a firing squad.

Post script: I gave my kids a quiz over the story Friday afternoon. As soon as she turned it in, Angelica asked me to grade hers. She got an A-. (She got two vocabulary words mixed up.) Based on her reaction to that A-, I would guess that Angelica had never gotten an A on anything in her life. She jumped up and down and squealed with joy. It was perhaps one of the most moving moments in my teaching career. I almost cried to see how happy this little twenty point quiz had made this girl.

That's So Gay-ven

2011-10-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm an English teacher. That role in my life brings with it a passion for language. I love words. I love speaking and writing and reading and thinking about the way words come together to communicate ideas. I love profanity. Sometimes, one good exclamation of the f-word really makes things better. I love the creative ways in which we create language and the inventive ways that slang enters our vocabulary. What I don't like, though, is when we use language as a weapon of intolerance and as a way to marginalize people.

I very rarely write referrals to students for using profane language in my presence. I'm one of those teachers when I hear a student swear, I'm more likely to say, "Hey, language!" and usually they sheepishly apologize for letting the f-bomb drop in front of me. There have only been a few times when I've actually sent a student to the office for offensive language. All but one of those instances have been times when profane, abusive language has been directed at me. I know I'm a bitch; I don't need a student calling me that to my face. (Do it behind my back the way God intended it, people!)

Then there was that other time. Students were working in small groups on some project I had given them. All of a sudden, I hear a student exclaim loudly, "This assignment is so gay!"

Of course, I'm sure you're all thinking, "What's the problem? Mel clearly had her students doing an assignment on homosexuality. She's so cool and progressive."

Wrong!

What this student MEANT to say was that the assignment was any number of negative terms -- stupid, difficult, bad, sucky, shitty, et cetera. Instead of using one of those terms, though, the student chose to use "gay."

When did this become acceptable? When did we as a society decide to turn a blind eye to people using "gay" as a negative term synonymous with stupid? Before you roll your eyes and call me a prude, think about it. What if that student had said, "This assignment is so black!" (Or used an even more offensive term than "black.") "This assignment is so female!" "This assignment is so basketball player!" Do any of those make any amount of sense? Wouldn't we find those statements inappropriate on a variety of levels?

Somewhere along the line, though, we've decided that it's okay to let "that's so gay" happen. The same is true of the use of the word "retarded." That word flies around like bumblebees at a honey convention, and yet we continue to allow it to happen despite the tremendous amount of insensitivity it displays. At some point, we as a society have to make choices about how we use language and the subliminal messages we are sending to each other (and our kids) when we allow certain groups to become synonyms for bad, stupid, or downright undesirable. At some point, we have to choose acceptance over ignorance. At some point, we have to choose understanding over persecution. At some point, we have to realize there's nothing wrong with being gay. When that happens, "That's so gay" makes as little sense as saying "That's so delivery truck driver." It's just a fact of life and nothing more.

X'ed Out

2011-10-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

I know I promised I'd write more about The X-Factor, and I know that I've dropped the ball on that one. Part of it has been just general busy-ness with life, and part of it has been a general fatigue with the audition episodes. It's hard to get too excited during the audition episodes because there's no guarantee that a early favorite will ever appear on screen again or that the future winner will be featured prominently enough to be remembered when the live performances begin. For the most part, the show didn't stray too far from the Idol template -- yes, there was the live audience and the weepy shots of the families watching backstage, but it was still the same general format.

The same is true of "Boot Camp". Did anyone see any major differences between Boot Camp and Idol's Hollywood Week? Okay, it was nice to see that the groups appeared to have been assigned, eliminating the weepy shots of the shunned contestant trying to find a group (ANY GROUP) that will accept him/her. For the most part, egos seemed to be relatively tame here compared to Idol, significantly less drama than usual, but still relatively entertaining. I do wish that we would get to see a little more of this stage of the competition, if only to find out what happened to early favorites or to grow more attached to potential winners.

So now, we're down to the final 32 who have been divided up amongst the judges. (I totally called that Simon would get the girls and L.A. would get the guys but figured Mama Paula would get the geriatric group and Baby Nicole would get the groups since that is a little closer to their own experiences.) I feel a little sorry for the groups that weren't assigned to Simon since they didn't get a trip to Paris out of the deal, but I guess the Hamptons and Malibu is acceptable. (I also loved how many of the contestants seemed to have decided that they were going to spend their $5 million on THIS house. I don't think they're for sale, kids, and if they are, whoever REALLY owns them will want a lot more than $5 million for them!)

This week, the final 32 gets whittled down to 16, and there's no denying that it's going to be a brutal process. Most of the final 32 gave pretty solid performances, and there will be at least one performer who seemed to knock it out of the park that is going to be eliminated this week. Based on Simon's comment last night about the girl "everyone thought was going to win" being eliminated, my money is on Melanie Amaro, who was featured prominently in the promos leading up to the show with her breathtaking version of "Listen" but who seemed to be a bit dated last night. She gave a terrific performance, but it just didn't seem all that contemporary. (I can't help but wonder, though, if Melanie might have fared better if Mariah Carey had been able to escape the hurricane to fly to Simon's side as his advisor since there's a lot of early Mariah in Melanie's style. Also, I would love to keep Melanie around if only to hear Simon say, "Hi, Mel," every week...but that's just ego.)

I also worry for another one of my favorites, the adorable Brewer Boys. Paula and Pharrell didn't seem nearly as impressed with them as I was. With the popularity of Mumford and Sons and The Avett Brothers, these two kids could fit into a niche market and maybe enjoy a little crossover success since they're so darn cute, but they may be a little too low key in the face of the other groups that seemed to have a lot more going on in terms of energy and performance. Sigh! Maybe THEY'LL get snatched up by Nickelodeon!

No, the new candidate for Nick stardom probably lies with the judge-created dectet Intensity. In all honesty, how cute were they? With the huge popularity of Kidz Bop and Glee, there is a market eager for this kind of fresh-faced energy and talent. I have to admit that I kept thinking about the end of A Mighty Wind where we find out that the New Main Street Singers have their own tv show where they play Supreme Court judges by day and a singing group by night and how this would be the perfect vehicle for Intensity. I think, though, that the pressure will be on Paula to include at least one of the judge-made groups, and Intensity gave a far stronger performance than Lakota Rayne (who should be eliminated for the pretentious spelling of "rain" if nothing else).

One thing that seemed apparent to me tonight was the fact that the group configuration might already need a little shaking up. There are a lot of really talented kids in this competition -- Rachel Crow, Drew Ryniewicz, Jazzlyn Little. Simon seemed to express a concern about the pressures of this competition on the younger competitors. Why not create an under-18 (or under-21) group where these young kids would get a mentor who could give them the sort of support and guidance they'll need? It would remove a lot of these younger kids from the "men" or "women" categories -- creating room for the Over-30's who are certainly strong enough to compete with the younger singers on their own merits. Give me Josh Krajcik or Leroy Bell over Nick Voss any day!

Okay, so here are my predictions for how the final 16 is going to shape up.

THE GIRLS/TEAM SIMON:
I think Melanie Amaro is a goner. I really do. I also worry for one of my personal favorites, Tora Wiloshin. I liked her take on "Satisfaction," but Simon seemed lukewarm to the chick my sis and I have dubbed Lady Minaj. So who gets to be on Team Simon? My money is on:

1. Drew Ryniewicz -- Drew's performance of "It Must Have Been Love" was one of my favorites we saw from the top 32. There's a haunting, Sarah MacLachlan-esque quality to her voice that would definitely fit into today's market. I'm really rooting for this kid.

2. Tiah Tolliver -- For whatever reason, Simon loves this chick. Her "No Diggity" last night was probably her strongest performance so far, and it is hard to imagine Simon allowing his team to move forward without a soul diva in the midst. Tiah is much more likable than Simone Battle -- something that is going to become more important when the decisions are put in the hands of the American public who puts likability above everything else when it comes to voting -- any kind of voting.

3. Caitlin Koch -- I also have a hard time imagining Simon moving forward without a pretty blonde on his team. The guy has his go-to preferences when it comes to performers, and Tiah and Caitlin fit that mold better than anyone else. I'm not a huge fan of Caitlin (I thought her rather heartless response to Tiah's panic attack was a bit much), but the girl has talent.

4. Rachel Crow -- This is the one I'm least solid on in terms of predictions. I loved Rachel's "I Want It That Way," but I think there's an argument to be made that this spot should go to Melanie Amaro or maybe even Jazzlyn Little, whose "I Will Survive" was quite strong. The thing is that Melanie is a bit dated, and I suspect that Jazzlyn's nerves and confidence issues probably lost her a lot of support from the coaching staff that served as Simon's advisors in making his choice. Considering that I can't imagine Simon moving forward with TWO soul divas and that his reaction to Tora seemed a bit muted, that leaves us with Rachel, who clearly impressed Simon last night. Plus, she's cute, she's uber-likable, and of all the youngsters, she seems the strongest in the face of the pressure.

(One quick question -- a couple of the kids talked about missing their families. Were they not accompanied by an adult on this Parisian-adventure? Does that seem shady to anyone else?)

THE BOYS/TEAM L.A.
Okay, first of all, how cool is it that they all got to perform in front of Rhianna who was shooting every single one of them bedroom eyes -- even, grossly enough, little Brian "Astro" Bradley. (Like you could seriously see her calculating how many years until it would be legal to tap that!)
For the most part, though, it seems as though the guys might be the weakest leg on this X-Factor table. There weren't a lot of "WOW" moments from this group. Maybe there will be down the line, but I think L.A. is going to come out on the losing end of this deal with his team.

1. Chris Rene -- I really have a hard time imagining this group moving forward without Chris Rene. He is, hands down, the strongest member of this group. A lot of time has been spent getting the audience to invest in this kid, and he's always given strong, memorable performances that seem edgy and contemporary. Last night's "Everyday People" was something I would totally download -- or at least not turn off when it popped up on the radio. I would expect Chris to go pretty far in this competition if he makes it past this round considering he's probably the closest the show has to a breakout star right now.

2. Marcus Canty -- I'm a big fan of Marcus, and again, I have a hard time imagining him not moving on. He is a softer, more soulful side to what Chris Rene is packing. Shows like this tend to have a hard time with black men (yeah, I said it), and Marcus gives this show what a lot of other shows have been lacking in their offerings -- a talented, soulful young man who will appeal to a broader base since he seems like a genuinely nice kid. His "All My Life" did seem a touch dated, but I'm not sure L.A. is as concerned about that because L.A. knows he can make anyone a star with a little polishing.

3. Brian Bradley -- The consensus on "Astro" seems to go back and forth. With his first audition, it seemed as if L.A. was ready to crown him the future of music. In Hollyw --er Boot Camp, L.A. expressed concern about his age. There's no denying the kid is mad talented. He certainly isn't able to deny it, and his massive ego may be the thing that makes it tough for him in the face of American voters. (We like our Idol, er, X Factorers humble!) Considering the weakness of the male field, I could see Brian edging in here over, say, Brennin Hill who seems equally arrogant but not quite as promising in terms of what he actually brings to the stage. Brian gives us a new spin on something we already have; Brennin gives us more of the same.

4. Tim Cifers -- This fourth spot could go to Brennin. I won't be surprised if it does because the guy is, as he likes to remind us, quite good looking and the tween voters will eat that up. I suspect, however, that L.A. will seek to bring a diverse team to the stage and will likely go with one of the country boys to target that demographic that made the last season of Idol complete misery for me. Of the two straight-up country singers, Tim Cifers is the stronger performer. Skyelor Anderson's performance for L.A. and Rhianna was a bit of a mess, and while I'm not a fan of that country crooning Tim brought to "Dance With My Father" (a song I generally loathe), his overall performance was much stronger. He also, likely, stands a better chance in terms of actually moving some albums.

THE GROUPS/TEAM PAULA
One of the ways that X-Factor distinguishes itself from Idol is its inclusion of groups. While that may have worked well in other markets, there's nothing particularly memorable about the groups here. I mean, they couldn't even come up with a full eight to round out the team here and had to resort to cobbling together two groups amongst their rejects. (I would like to point out that some of those rejects might NOT have been rejects if the show went with an Under-18 group rather than the Over-30 group. Just saying....) Again, I have a hard time imagining a winner coming from this batch of performers, meaning that ultimate victory probably lies with either Simon or Nicole. According to the rules, though, four of these groups have to advance to the finals, so.....

1. Intensity -- As I said above, one of the judge-made teams has to go through in order to justify them even creating such a team. Intensity had the far stronger and more memorable performance and actually seemed happy to have the chance to still be competing. (Didn't Lakota Rayne seem kind of bitchy? And it seemed like they spent their entire performance of a country-fied "Born This Way" trying to outsing each other. That's not what a group does...and that's not what the adorable Intensity did.) I can see them being a group I look forward to seeing every week even if they don't make it all the way to the end.

2. Stereo Hogzz -- They probably were the strongest of the groups although I think they, too, seemed a little dated. (I see Boyz II Men every single time these guys are onstage, man! I guess as long as it's not New Edition, we're fine.) They are definitely polished and have this whole thing down, but I wonder how they'll fare when they're placed alongside the solo artists.

3. 4Shore -- In all honesty, 4Shore isn't all that memorable, but as I look back over the other groups who performed, it seems like they were probably one of the better groups, so..... Paula's choices here are limited. Which might be a good thing because it might open up the possibility for ....

4. The Brewer Boys -- I had kind of written these boys off until I saw last night's performances that included an abyssmal version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by 2 Squar'd (I kept thinking of Gemini Twin the entire time. Is that bad?) and a performance by Illusion Confusion that was apparently so weak that the producers included cuts to interview footage during their performance -- treatment that no other performer received. With the groups from the first night being relatively unmemorable, I would think that might give the Boys a shot. Fingers crossed!

The OVER 30S/TEAM NICOLE
If the eventual winner doesn't come from Team Simon, it'll likely come from this group. That's my prediction. There's a lot of sentimental momentum here as we get teary confessional after teary confessional about how this is a last chance at success and families that need this money and houses about to be foreclosed. If America votes strictly on sentiment, any of these eight could win. If America votes on talent, all eight of these singers have a strong shot, too. The biggest obstacle is going to be Nicole who seems obsessed with the question of who's a "superstar" and who's most marketable. (Thank you, Enrique Iglesias, for finally shutting that down last night by saying it's about talent not marketability.) The tears that will be shed Chez Mel when the final 16 are announced will most likely be shed over the elimination of singers from this group because you just know that the ones eliminated are going to go home and just kill themselves -- literally.

1. Josh Krajcik -- For me, Josh is the standout of this group. It probably helps that his sort of white man blues voice is the kind of voice I tend to gravitate toward in my own music collection. Coming on the heels of Ray LaMontagne's recent success, Josh could help usher in a revival of that sort of bluesy music that is a perennial presence in bars across America. Smart of him to bring in a kid last night to create even more of a rooting factor. If he doesn't make the cut, Nicole seriously needs to have that tiny little tear-stained head of hers examined. For real.

2. Stacy Francis -- Okay, I'm not going to lie -- I've grown a bit weary of Stacy. She is the one I worry the most for in terms of what happens when she's eliminated (either now or down the road). Her over-the-top dramatics are a bit much, but the chick can sing. Yes, like others I've mentioned before, her style seems a bit dated for today's contemporary market, but I think Nicole is also smart enough to know that sympathy votes will carry this chick pretty far. I generally like Elaine Gibbs a little better, but Stacy is going to garner more votes.

3. Leroy Bell -- I could see this spot going to either Bell or Tiger Budbill. I generally like Leroy's style a bit better than Tiger's, but Tiger does have a slightly higher level of sympathy income with the whole "My house is going to be foreclosed any day now" thing. Age could also work against Leroy here. Yes, as he points out, there are plenty of music superstars 60 and over out there, but those 60+ year old superstars have been at it since they were 20. Would Mick Jagger be a star today if he were just starting out as a wannabe rocker pushing 70? Hell, no. He would be laughed off the stage. So even though I've listed Leroy here as my choice for the top four, I won't be super shocked if this spot goes to Tiger. I just hope it goes to Leroy because I'd like to see some more of his performances.

4. Christa Collins -- My sis will likely shoot me for this one, but it seemed as if Nicole and Enrique's response to Christa was generally pretty positive last night. Christa also brings the most contemporary sound to this group, and for a coach/mentor/whatever-you-want-to-call-Nicole who is obsessed with marketability, that could give Christa a huge advantage over anyone else in this group. If Nicole is looking for diversity in her group, Christa brings that, rather than loading Team Nicole down with multiple soul divas or bluesmen. I didn't particularly enjoy her performance last night (I might have even hated it), but she could also be the sacrificial lamb that Team Nicole is going to need to make things safer for her stronger contenders.

I keep hoping that they'll pull out some sort of wildcard that would let more than 16 through to the finals. (Wouldn't it be cool to give America a say to pick one more for each group?) Since that doesn't seem to be forthcoming, though, this seems like a pretty deeply talented pool that should make just about every week a shocking elimination week, especially once we get through the first couple of ousters. And if I'm completely off the mark here, well....I also thought Scotty McCrery didn't stand a chance in hell of making it to the top 12 on Idol, so.... what do I know?

Communication Breakdown

2011-09-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

Let's start today's entry with a story. We'll hop into the Way Back Machine and head all the way back to 2001. Imagine Mel, just a few days into her brand new teaching career. I had just finished a scintillating lesson on sentence structure or something (talk about a glutton for punishment -- starting my teaching career trying to teach freshmen how to write!!). The class period came to an end and two of my students approached me. At this point, I really didn't know the names of a lot of my students because I'd only known them a few days. This was before computer attendance programs that included student pictures, so I knew the names of students in my classes -- I just couldn't match names to faces yet. Very shyly, the young woman (we'll call her Sofia) informs me that she doesn't speak English very well and that the young man standing beside her (we'll call him Jose) speaks next to no English and has only been in the United States for a couple weeks.

I was completely floored. All of my college education had somehow failed to prepare me for a moment like that. Every single education class I took carried with it the assumption that my students would at least be able to speak the language in which I was teaching. I was filled with regret at deciding my freshman year of college to drop Spanish 101 and stick with the French that had gotten me through college ( a decision made after my Spanish professor informed me that I was speaking Spanish with a French accent -- if you can't beat it, re-join it!) ... and at the subsequent decision to stop my French education as soon as I fulfilled the college's minimum foreign language requirement. How in the heck was I supposed to help these kids? At the time, our school had nothing in the way of ESL services, and many of us were wading into uncharted waters to help our growing Hispanic population. Looking back now, I know that I probably failed Sofia and Jose. I did the best I could with my limited experience, but I also feel fairly certain that they left my class without a lot of improvement in their English skills. Yes, I gave them some modified assignments, but I could have given them more individual attention, given them some alternate readings ... all things that seemed completely overwhelming for a first year teacher who already felt like she was struggling to keep her head above water.

Over the past eleven years, I have had many students like Sofia and Jose walk through my classroom doors, and I've slowly but surely found ways to help them. Some have a stronger grasp of English than Sofia and Jose. There have been several that I have been shocked to discover had only been in the States a brief time. My school district, too, has also become more adept at addressing the needs of these students, setting up stronger ESL programs and services that give the kids a stronger sense of ownership and confidence. I've also seen kids blossom -- that shy little freshman who did not speak a word the entire year I had him in English I becomes the sassy senior who will not stop talking the entire year he spends in my junior/senior-level English Fundamentals class. That success, though, has often occured outside of my "realm." I am an outsider to their success in ESL classes, success that then transfers into their other classes.

Last year, a new population began to emerge at our school. About midway through the school year, two Burmese refugees (a brother and sister) joined our population. Ko was put into my English Fundamentals class, and I am embarrassed to say it was a bit of a disaster. He was placed in a class that was pretty high maintenance already, and I struggled to give Ko the attention I think he needed. At the end of the semester, it was decided to move him into a lower level English class with his sister Mya. I struggled the rest of the year with the guilt that I had essentially given up on Ko to make life easier for me. I sucked.

Jump to the start of this school year, and our Burmese population has roughly tripled. Instead of just Ko and Mya, we now have four more students who have found there way here. Three of them were placed, along with Ko's sister Mya, into an English I teacher with a brand new teacher (who just got her job about two weeks before school started -- a gig that includes teaching our intensive senior-level writing class). Almost immediately, their teacher realized that our first unit, reading Sherman Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, was going to be nearly impossible for them, particularly since Alexie writes in a very informal, colloquial style that is loaded with terms and phrases that are literally completely foreign to these kids. An alternate text was selected, and the students were pulled out of their English I class to work individually with my student teacher, who was not taking over teaching my English I class that meets the same hour until we were done reading the novel. We then agreed that I would step in and work individually with the kids while my student teacher was teaching. What happens when my student teacher leaves? Well, we decided, we would cross that bridge when we came to it.

Our novel unit came to an end, and suddenly, there I was sitting at a table with these four kids whose grasp of English ranges from relatively strong to what education folks might call "emerging." It's a challenge -- no doubt. It really makes you marvel at how much we actually accumulate in our language and how much we take for granted. Every day, I have a moment where I am amazed at what they know and what they don't know. I've also gotten to know these kids as more than just students. The first assignment we really worked on together was a descriptive essay for class, essays that became tales of their journeys from Myanmar to the United States, stories filled with being shuffled all over Asia, being arrested, being beaten, being placed in camps until the United Nations came in and helped them find new homes. I'm sure there is even more to their stories that they can't tell me because of the language barriers that exist between us -- and that I probably do not want to know anyway. The resounding theme in these essays, though, is how happy they are to be in this country and how grateful they are for the opportunities being here affords them. It always sort of stuns me how much of our 45 minutes or so together is spent giggling. After all that these kids have gone through in their comparatively short lives, they still are filled with tremendous humor and joy. It kind of makes all those reasons we want to scream "FML" seem pretty trivial when you see the sparkle in eyes that have seen so much suffering.

After one of our sessions together, I went to our school counselor and made a request that would have stunned first-year teacher Mel ten years ago. I asked if my four new friends could be moved to my section of English I. I realized that, when my student teacher's time in my classroom came to an end, I was really going to miss these four kids. Ten years in, I know I'm ready to be the teacher that they need, the teacher I wasn't able to be for Sofia and Jose.

They Like Me. They Really Like Me.

2011-09-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

Early Friday morning, I received a text from a friend on Facebook saying, "Congratulations on Teacher of the Week."

I had no idea what she was talking about.

I was in a hotel room in Normal, Illinois, attending the Illinois Speech and Theatre Association annual conference. I didn't have a way to easily find out what was going on. I assumed she was mistaken. Another teacher from my school had received the Teacher of the Week recognition from the local radio station, so I just kind of figured she had misheard. As the day went on, I didn't think much about it as I moved from workshop to meetings to receptions. During an evening reception, as I sipped a glass of wine, I pulled out my cell phone for the first time since that morning and hopped onto Facebook. There was a status update from the local radio station congratulating me for being named Teacher of the Week.

Me.

For someone who occasionally considers herself a performer, I have to admit that I struggle with praise of any sort, and I am not really sure why. I don't have a huge self esteem problem, at least no worse than any other woman in this country. I don't know that I'm an exceptionally humble person. So why does accepting praise make me so uncomfortable? Why is it when I read about my recognition did I think, "Thank goodness I wasn't at school today so there wouldn't be a special faculty meeting to announce it like there was when Brianna won it"? It's not that the honor is meaningless to me. I had to fight tears when I saw the post from the radio station, and there was a slight perma-grin on my face for the rest of the night, and yet the idea of actually receiving the honor made me blanch. I've even gone back and forth about posting this blog entry for fear of sounding arrogant when I mention this honor.

I see this sort of thing all the time -- and shockingly, not just with girls. Yes, I know that women and girls struggle with accepting compliments and that there is this sort of programming we appear to be born with to deflect any praise. I made a resolution years ago to accept compliments with a "gracious thank you," but even though my mouth is saying "Thank you," inside, I'm shirking in embarrassment at the recognition. When I compliment my male students, they seem to be going through the same struggle that my female students endure -- fidgeting, eyes looking down, pink cheeks of embarrassment. And the funny thing is that, as uncomfortable as I am with compliments, I'm also really free with giving them. I feel like a huge portion of my day is spent telling people I like their shoes or how funny they were when they said a certain line. I guess I'm a hypocrite once again -- a complimenter who hates compliments.

Is there a solution to this problem? Not one easily reached in a little-read vanity blog like this. It would take a dramatic cultural shift to re-train ourselves that there is nothing wrong with being good at something, that there's no shame in being smart or talented or good at what you do. As a society, we need to raise people up more, and then, when we do raise them up, we need to recognize the worth of that honor rather than turn right around and tear that person down for being arrogant or secretly not being as cool as we think. We need to actually LIKE our number one songs and value our leaders and honor our intelligence rather than hiding behind cool or cynicism or ignorance. As Martha Stewart (a person who is often mocked for her skill and seeming perfection) would say, "Being good at something? It's a good thing."

And so, I'm going to step out of my comfort zone a little and say that I was named Teacher of the Week....and I'm really flippin' psyched about it. Huh....that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be......or was it?

Prime Factorization

2011-09-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

Come on, friends, you know I had to do it -- I HAD to watch the premiere of The X-Factor. I mean, that was a total no-brainer. Simon and Paula reunited in the search for the next Ameri- er- person with the X Factor? (Yeah, they need to work on that.) How could I resist?? So last night, after dinner, the sis and I hunkered down to welcome that dynamic duo back into our living rooms with open minds and open hearts.

For the most part, we were pretty pleased. Yeah, it's American Idol 2.0 -- no doubt.. It still knows how to work the heartstrings (I lost count of how many times I cried during last night's audition episode ... and several of those cries were nasty, ugly cries, man.) There were several painful auditions to break the monotony of the tearjerkers (although am I the only one who found myself crying watching that 70+ year old couple from Nevada? They really broke my heart, especially that whole conversation about how expensive the hot dogs are. I finally had to convince myself they were just cheap old people and NOT poor old people like my sis posited, firm in the belief that they had probably spent their last cent to drive to L.A. and embarrass themselves in front of 4000+ people). There was the delicious flirting between Simon and Paula. There was the crazy hyperbole. (Simon, baby, not EVERY auditioner can be the best you've ever heard.)

The differences, though, kept X-Factor from being too monotonous. (Not that I would mind if Idol essentially became year round...honest!) There's no denying that Simon has clearly re-discovered his joy where this whole process is concerned. In that last season of Idol, his apathy and frustration was evident, palpable, and it made it harder to relish in his nastyness when that nastyness clearly was coming from pure misery rather than gleeful honesty. The added element of auditions taking place in front of an audience upped the drama (even if it did remind me a lot of America's Got Talent, a show I've never particularly liked). I assume host Steve Jones will get a more prominent role in the proceedings when things go live, but he seems likable enough and the fact that he wasn't necessarily this constant presence during auditions the way that Seacrest often is was rather nice, too.

Overall, I enjoyed last night's debut. Yes, it's really just Idol with some tweaking, but they are the kind of tweaks I kind of wish Idol would have considered. I like the fact that LA Reid seems willing to take a stand against the majority and challenge Simon, yet he's able to do it in a far more powerful and knowledgeable way considering the enormous industry cred with which he sits down at that table. He's the kind of judge I always wished Randy would be (and that it seemed like Randy was trying to be last season before getting swept up in the love fest Steven and J.Lo apparently decided to make the show). Is Nicole Scherzinger really all that necessary? Maybe, maybe not. If she has the same kind of effect that Kara DioGuardi had on Paula during Paula's last lap around the Idol track, then yes, Nicole is needed. Paula became much more astute and constructive when there was another pretty lady sitting next to her at the table, and I would suspect Paula realizes that she needs to bring that game to the table rather than the drugged out rainbow babble she often spewed during the middle of her Idol tenure. Let Nicole be the touchy-feeling one, and let Paula be the mama with the tough love. (Am I the only one that looks at Nicole and thinks that she is totally the love child of Simon and Paula?) And please, let Paula maintain the seat next to Simon rather than switching her and Nicole back and forth. Simon and Paula are at their absolute best when they are sitting side by side, trading barbs and little asides. When they have to lean over Nicole for those moments, it's just awkward.

As for the auditioners last night, there were some pretty impressive people on that stage. I absolutely adored little Rachel Crow. Note to Disney and/or Nickelodeon: Snap this kid up. She is your next cash machine! With that sass and sparkle and voice that's a bit rough but totally promising, she could make the world forget all about your aging divas and keep tweens glued to your programming for years to come. Can she win this competition? Based on what we saw in the two hours that followed her opening audition, it's probably a long shot, but there is a star waiting to be unearthed in that kid. Make it happen, Nick!

Someone who may have a shot is 42-year-old single mom Stacy Francis. I'm not going to lie. During her pre-audition package, I was worried about Stacy. She seemed like a potential train wreck, and I was really angry with the producers for making me potentially care about this women only to have her turn out to be a deluded nut bar. Her "Natural Woman", though, was a thing of beauty. America is always susceptible to sentiment, and Stacy's story is filled with inspirational ammo that turns the speed dialers to jelly. That chick is going to go far.

Another favorite of mine was Marcus Canty, the 20-year old cutie who was nearing the end of his mama-imposed deadline for becoming a star. LA Reid's comparison to Bobby Brown was spot on, and the nice thing about Marcus is that he seems like a cleaner, more marketable version of Bobby. He has the swagger, but he seems like someone to whom trouble is a complete stranger. He could give the industry the Chris Brown it needs without all the girlfriend beating. As the auditions go on, I know Marcus may very well fade, but for right now, I like this kid a lot.

The first audition episode closed out with Chris Rene, a recovering drug addict with a small son to support who performed an original song. Again, I was sure there was a train wreck about to crash into the station. Original songs are usually hideous, but Chris's was actually something I would NOT turn off if it came on the local pop station. Like Marcus, he presents a figure that the current pop scene is in need of -- a white hip hop artist. Yeah, there's Eminem, but Em is aging and becoming less accessible to younger markets. With Chris's hard luck tale, he becomes an embodiment of a certain element of the American dream -- the idea that you can overcome anything and still make your dreams come true. The fact that he's less than three months sober is concerning, but I kind of trust LA Reid when he tells Chris he's going to be calling and checking on him. LA Reid seems like someone you do NOT want to disappoint. Ever.

So yeah, I'm going to stick with The X-Factor and probably even blog about it on a fairly regular basis this fall (gotta keep those pithy observations sharp for Idol in the winter, yo!). My allegiance to Simon is pretty mighty, so....sorry to those who tune out when I go all Idol on you. What can I say? That man has cast a spell on me, and jumping ship to a different show is not going to break it.

I Am Woman

2011-09-03T04:53:00.000-07:00

I am a feminist. It's something I've never been ashamed to admit, but it is something I've often found myself having to defend. The defense comes not against sexist men but rather fellow women. Some women find the term condescending and exclusionary. Some women find it outdated. Some consider it a relic of a time long gone. But me? I embrace the term because it has power, it has unity, and it is my way of honoring the women who fought long and hard to make the term seem like a relic.

This all was brought to mind recently when I watched HBO's documentary on Gloria Steinem. I grew up idolizing Gloria Steinem. I would guess I was rather young when I first "discovered" Gloria, and I can remember being enthralled with this glamorous woman who was getting up and speaking and leading marches. In high school, I read Ms. Magazine the way some girls read Seventeen. (Don't get me wrong -- the back-to-school issue of Seventeen was like a Bible to me, but so was Ms.) I was a lucky little girl in that I grew up in a rather enlightened household. Even though my mother was a stay-at-home mom until I was in junior high, she was adamant about the fact that women could do anything and raised my sister and I to build careers rather than homes. My father, despite being of an older generation -- the generation that seemed most threatened by Steinem and the women's movement, was equally adamant in encouraging my younger sister and I that the sky was the limit. He expected nothing but the best from us, and his definition of "best" did not necessarily include becoming wives and mothers. (It probably helped that my father was raised by a single mother who was one of the first women to graduate from her law school and go on to a successful law career in Chicago -- a career that included arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court in the 1950's. Having a role model like that definitely creates a father who believes in the power of his daughters to succeed.) My sister and I both were tomboys to a degree as we grew up. I think my sister had a permanent layer of mud on her body until she was about twelve. We were encouraged to play with Hot Wheels AND Barbies. We were taught the ins and outs of the major sports, allowing us to watch football, basketball, baseball, et cetera with tremendous knowledge and understanding. We were taught to cook and how to change a tire. My parents created two pretty strong, independent women.

Growing up, I knew that there was a women's movement. I knew there was a fight going on about the Equal Rights Amendment. I knew that not every household was as enlightened as ours. But I also knew the times were a-changing. I just didn't realize how much they were changing until the past several years as I've read about or seen interviews with women of the 1970s talking about their struggles for acceptance and independence. In the documentary, Gloria Steinem talks about her inability to rent an apartment on her own because landlords assumed that a woman with a stable enough income to afford the rent must be a prostitute. In an interview on Oprah, Jane Curtin (another one of my childhood heroes thanks to my shockingly early discovery of Saturday Night Live) talked about single women in the 1970's being unable to get a loan or even a credit card. The things that women like Steinem and Flo Kennedy and Bella Abzug were fighting for are things that I think women my age and younger take for granted. We live charmed lives compared to the lives led by our mothers and grandmothers. On a nearly daily basis, my grandmother had to correct someone and tell him that she was NOT the lawyer's secretary but was indeed the lawyer. An assumption like that today would be considered an offense; back then, it was just natural.

Of course, the fight continues. There are still tremendous injustices being done to women in this country and around the world on a daily basis. Women in Saudi Arabia can't drive cars. Seriously. In other parts of the world, it is illegal for a woman to seek an education. In this country, women are still fighting to break the glass ceilings constructed to keep them from the executive suites, and although there are cracks developing, the glass is still pretty solid in a lot of areas. Many women are still struggling with archaic pay structures, hostile work environments, and a lack of flexibility when they need to balance work and a family. Just because we can get credit cards and rent apartments without a husband's name to prove our dependability doesn't mean that we've achieved true equality.

And that's why I'm a feminist -- because I still dream of a female president (just not one named Palin or Bachman!), because I still have female students who think their dreams are impossible, and because I owe it to women like Gloria Steinem and my grandmother to make sure that our seat at the table isn't just a card table set up in the kitchen while the men are feasting in the dining room.

So Close and Yet.....

2011-08-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time this summer at the gym. One of the perks of being a teacher and having summers off is an influx of leisure time. Yes, a lot of that leisure time is filled with reading and seminars and lesson plans, but there are also these little pockets of time where the rush is gone and you can just go spend an hour or two working out without freaking out about time. It's been really lovely. As the first few weeks of summer passed, I noticed that this "bonus" time at the gym was resulting in a pretty steady loss at the scales every week. By the beginning of July, I was down a little over 10 pounds. At that point, I did some figuring and set a goal for myself -- I wanted to lose 25 pounds by the start of school. I knew it was ambitious and yet reachable with some work. And work I have -- lots of time at the gym, being really careful about what I was eating, et cetera.

School starts Monday. I stepped on the scale today, did a little math, and realized that I have lost, since the beginning of June ...... 24 pounds.

One freaking pound short!

It probably doesn't help that I got sloppy last week. I was still spending time at the gym, but I succumbed to a terrific sale at the local grocery store on fresh mozzarella....bought quite a bit of it .... during a week when my sis was out of town the entire week ... and ate every last bit that I bought. (A not-so-little-known secret about me -- I absolutely love cheese. All cheese. Seriously, I've never met a cheese I didn't love. And that even includes Kraft singles, man. When I was a kid, my parents called me "Mouse" because I loved cheese so much. Seriously.) That cheese binge resulted in a small gain last week (shocker!). I was back on track this week and pushed just a bit harder at the gym, which was enough to get back off the weight I gained during The Great Cheese Binge of 2011, but it still left me just one pound shy of the goal.

I could cry about this. I could complain. I could throw a fit and give up. But you know what? In just about two months, I have lost 24 freaking pounds. That's like the size of a healthy baby -- and not a newborn! My clothes fit better. I feel better. I know I'm on a beautiful path to getting my health under my control and living a healthy life. So I came up short of my summer goal, but I also came up 24 pounds closer to meeting my ultimate goal, and that's what's really important. I know the next few weeks will be tough as I get re-adjusted to my work schedule and figure out where working out will fit in between teaching and directing and coaching and still finding time to just unwind and relax after long days of all that and more. (And also finding time to cook healthy, delicious meals!) I may bump up a pound or two in that transition, but keeping this all in perspective (my word of the year, I think!) will make this journey a lot less fraught with stress and a lot more filled with those tiny victories that make it all worth it.

The Eyes Have It

2011-08-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I posted about my new Kindle and how my purchase of the very device I had once cursed was spurred partly by my diminishing vision. After complaining about it (and feeling like my ability to read was getting worse and worse), I finally broke down and went to the eye doctor last week. The diagnosis was not a shocker -- I needed bifocals.

I thought that the diagnosis would leave me feeling old and depressed. I've honestly been handling this whole "about to turn 40" thing with a little more joy than I thought I would. I mean, I know that the next decade may very well feature some things that may wrack me with unhappiness (I honestly don't know how I'm going to take menopause), but actually turning 40 has not been that big of a deal. (See me in two months and we'll see if I'm still singing that song.) After all, 40 has become kind of chic and cool. Look at all the cool people in their 40's -- the Red Hot Chili Peppers AND the Beastie Boys, for example, are all in their 40's and they are still, to me, the epitome of cool.

Back to my eyes ... I took the news pretty well. I give a lot of credit to my eye doctor, a very cute, spunky young woman (Seriously, I doubt she's 30) who was full of energy and kindness. She perkily explained to me that this is really no big deal, that the lens of the eye just gets less flexible over time, and that I'm sort of hitting that point right on schedule. It also probably helped that as we did the eye exam and I saw what my reading vision could be with bifocals I nearly cried at how suddenly clear and in focus the tiny words were. I wanted THAT vision back. Add to it that the exam also showed that, outside of the whole vision thing, my eyes themselves are actually super healthy (no signs of impending glaucoma or cataracts or anything like that), and I left the doctor feeling pretty okay with the whole thing.

I picked up my new glasses yesterday. The bifocal thing is going to take some getting used to, but just the fact that I was able to look at Facebook on my cell phone and not have to slide my glasses down to the tip of my nose to read over them was an epic moment. I'd really not realized how challenging my vision had become until that moment when my cell phone was suddenly so very clear to read. I read in bed last night without having to take my glasses off or switch to a pair of reading glasses I'd bought for a dollar at Target. I was able to read the very tiny print of a recipe this morning. It's a whole new world, friends! The Red Hot Chili Pepper and Beastie Boys may be making 40 a cool decade, but my goal is to make bifocals the cool new accessory for fall. Heck to the yeah, suckas!!

No, I will NOT F-Y-L.

2011-08-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago, I watched a Louis C.K. stand-up special on Comedy Central. During the set, Louis began talking about the pretty incredible times we live in and our seeming ingratitude, the way that we let the smallest inconveniences become the biggest tragedies ever. (You can see a clip of Louis doing the bit on Conan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itn8TwFCO4M">here). It's something I call the FML Syndome.

Of all the cheesy Internet/texting acronyms, FML is the one I absolutely cringe over every time I see it. For the less text-literate out there, FML stands for "f**k my life." Yeah. You read that correctly. In theory, it's one of those things that should be trotted out only in very serious situations, like when you're at the absolute end of your rope, facing death, destruction, and total ruin.

And yet, I don't think I've ever once seen someone use FML in those kinds of situations. No, I see FML's thrown around in cases like, "I have a science test tomorrow. FML" or "My favorite pair of pants are dirty. FML."

Seriously?

The things that we find to complain about kind of blow my mind. And we complain with such passionate vehemence. Things are no longer merely inconvenient; they are things filled with the power to level us with total and absolute rage. It's as if we've completely lost sight of perspective. As Louis C.K. says, "We live in amazing times." We do things now that seemed like science fiction twenty years ago, and yet we are constantly unhappy and annoyed with things if they don't go exactly as we want. Imagine what we would do if we had real problems -- or at least problems more significant than our cell phone not working.

Of course, this is another case of my hypocrisy in action. I have most definitely been guilty of complaining over inane things. A trip to Wal-Mart gives me complaint fodder to last me days. But never once have I thrown around the "FML" because, quite frankly, I don't feel like there's anything so bad in my life that warrants it being f'ed. In the grand scheme of things, I know that the problems and annoyances that I complain about are champagne problems -- the checkout line is too slow, my cell phone microphone doesn't work unless I have a headset plugged in, I have to wear bifocals to read. These are luxurious problems to have because I don't have to worry about where my next meal is going to come from or where I'm going to sleep. We need to keep that perspective in mind, though, and stop treating our malfunctioning cell phones and iPods like it's the end of the world and they are most definitely not something to f- your life over.

As I close out my 30's (a decade which, while it didn't necessarily contain all the things I thought maybe my 30's would, has otherwise been pretty darn great), I am setting a new goal for 40something Mel. I am going to try to be more in touch with perspective and not let those champagne problems become these sources of consuming rage and frustration. I am going to try to practice compassion for myself and others by letting the small stuff roll off the back. In other words, I am not going to f- my life nor am I going to ask others to do it for me. My life, friends, will become a total, un-f-able prude, and that's okay by me.

There's a Reason They Call Us Fat Americans

2011-08-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

The other day, I was at the gym. While on the elliptical, I usually have my iPod on (and now have my Kindle to read). The gym televisions are directly in front of me so I often will catch things but soundlessly. I'll see some headlines, flashes of information, but I don't hear what's being said. What caught my eye the other day was one of those "Only in America" types of moments. On the screen was a commercial for Jenny Craig. Immediately after it was a commercial for some new gooey, sugary, fatty concoction from IHOP. The irony of that moment struck me and I literally laughed out loud.

As the day went on, I kept thinking about that moment. I wondered what people from other countries would think of the ridiculousness of that moment. For thirty seconds, you are told that you are fat and that the way to stop being fat is to subscribe to this diet program that will provide you with specially portioned and calorie counted foods and that slowly but surely, the weight will come off and you'll be able to be strutting around in a bikini and being the healthy, active person you want to be. (I have issues with diet programs like that in that I think it's more important to just teach people how to eat and live healthily rather than selling them "quick fixes" but that's for another blog.) Literally seconds later, there is a commercial for a dish that is loaded with sugar and calories. I'm not the only one who sees that there's something at least a little wrong with this picture, right?

A couple days later, I saw a commercial for the "All-American Menu" from Denny's, a menu that includes Midwest offering the "Meat and Potatoes Sandwich." This sandwich includes prime rib and french fries covered in brown gravy, topped with two different kinds of cheeses AND mayo, and then thrown on a cheddar bun. AND it comes with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. According to myfitness.com, the sandwich clocks in at about 1025 calories and has over 2800 mg of sodium, 54 grams of fat, and 95 mg of cholesterol. It's a heart attack waiting to happen.

And yet this tiny part of me watching that commercial seriously thought, "YUM!"

My struggle with my weight has been a lifelong struggle, and it's only been within the past few years that I've sort of "figured out" this food thing. I spent my formative years super sizing at every opportunity and chowing down on pizza and french fries and any unhealthy thing I could possibly get my hands on. The first time I encountered a horseshoe sandwich (which is essentially what Denny's is offering), I nearly wept with joy. I have been just as guilty of the obnoxious American food consumption as just about everyone else.

A couple years ago, I woke up and had just kind of had enough. I was tired of being fat. I had always wanted to be one of those people who ate healthy foods, and yet I never did. I had tried diet programs before and it never worked because I would eventually fall off the wagon or would get tired of counting points or turned off by the meetings where old ladies bragged about not having a piece of pie at the family reunion even though Aunt Sadie's cherry pie was her absolute favorite thing in the world. I didn't want to live a life of deprivation, which is what a lot of diet programs seems to preach. I started reading and doing some research. I started being brave and trying foods I'd never tried before (or had tried as a child and dismissed). I broadened my culinary horizons while trying to at least limit my encounters with old friends like french fries. The funny thing is that I probably now eat more different kinds of foods than I did before. Many times, I have stood in my kitchen kind of marveling at the journey I've taken as I chop up zucchini and squash and kale. (The other night, friends, I actually included onion in a recipe ... and old friends of mine will know how much I have historically loathed onion!) At the same time, I've worked with moderation. Yes, I don't eat french fries nearly as much as I used to (I've had fries once in the past couple months -- unless you count sweet potato fries) and I've almost completely cut most fast foods out of my diet. (I can't tell you the last time I had a chicken nugget or quarter pounder.) But I still have a bowl of ice cream every night -- only now, I have a scoop and I try to buy only all natural ice creams rather than the cheap, fake stuff. And if Aunt Sophie is hauling out that cherry pie, you'd better believe I'm going to have a slice because that old broad doesn't make that pie too often!

But I also know that there will always be this tiny part of me that gets a slight thrill at the mention of a meat and potato sandwich. There will always be this inner debate with myself over whether a trip through the Dairy Queen drive thru might not be a good idea ... especially when the Blizzard of the Month is a Nutter Butter Blizzard. (Holding out....) Like many Americans, I've had a lifetime of programming that tells me that bigger is better; that the more crap you load on your plate, the happier you will be; that there's nothing that a big ol' plate of fried food won't cure. After all, if you get too fat, Jenny Craig will always be there to get you skinny and fried food ready all over again.

Amy's Last Gift

2011-07-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning, I woke up to what felt like a typical Saturday. My sis and I had declared it a "Lazy Day", the reward we both wanted for a stressful couple of weeks filled with tech rehearsals, performances, school (my sister is a full-time student and still has classes during the summer), work (my sis also has a part-time job that usually consumes her weekends), et cetera. We just wanted a day spent on the couch, watching television, and maybe eating a little less healthily than usual. (Okay, the "worst" I did was go to Wendy's and try their wild berry frosty parfait. It's not bad.) While sis slept in a little, I checked out Facebook and read about the devastating attack in Norway where a gunman essentially invaded an island retreat for young members of Norway's ruling party and opened fire, killing dozens of innocent kids. Horrifying. As I read the accounts of his attack, I felt sick and eventually had to stop reading because I was overwhelmed by the sheer terror these kids must have felt and the horrific final moments so many of them endured.

A couple hours later, I was in the kitchen and my sis yelled from the living room, "Oh my God! Amy Winehouse is dead!" We ran back to the den to get on the computer and check our reliable news sources to confirm the tweet my sis had gotten from a friend. Within moments, Facebook was cluttered with "RIP Amy" messages as well as the expected quips about rehab and her lack of desire to go there. Eventually, as the day progressed, the "RIP"s gave way to people railing against the Amy messages and wondering where the grief was for Norway.

To me, the answer seems more obvious than the typical "Americans care more about celebrities than 'real' people" argument that I sensed was behind the Facebook complaints. Amy's death is a death we can metaphorically wrap our minds around. I mean, yes, I was sad when she died and felt that momentary jolt of shock you feel whenever you hear of any death, but it wasn't all that shocking in the grand scheme of things. It's the kind of death we've experienced in the news over and over again -- a promising life and career cut short by someone's absolute inability to resist an appetite. We understand that death because we've seen it over and over again.

Norway, however, is something we can't quite understand and so it becomes easier to reject it in a sense, to shift our attention to something we can relate to. How in the world can we comprehend the depths of sickness and evil it takes to gun down innocent kids? How can we hear the tale of what those kids went through without feeling a part of our spirits just die? When I began telling my sis what had happened on that island retreat, she held up a hand a minute or so into my story, tears welling up in her eyes, and begged me to stop. She could not handle another second of imagining the horror on that island. Granted, my sis and I tend to be a little more empathetic than others, but I can't imagine that we were the only people who had such powerful reactions.

And so it's easier to grieve for Amy. We "know" her. We "get" her. We can crack jokes, we can collect our winnings from having her name in the death pool, and we can move on secure in the idea that bad things happen in a relatively predictable and even controllable way. (After all, we can think, had Amy just stuck with rehab .....) Amy's death is a part of us but yet removed from us. We can escape her fate by not, you know, being completely addicted to drugs. Norway, though, reminds us that sometimes, there is no escape. Lunatics just wake up and decide to go kill a bunch of kids and there's nothing we can do about it. No amount of racial profiling (sorry, Fox News, but he WASN'T a Muslim extremist like you wanted him to be in your initial reports) can protect us from tragedy. Our defense mechanism, then, is to push that thought away and focus on the predictable, vicarious one. The one last gift Amy could give us (outside of an album that deserves to go down in history as one of the greatest in the modern pop/rock era -- seriously, go give Back to Black a listen and tell me that album doesn't blow your mind) is that escape from the harsh realities about the depths of evil that lurk around us. It may seem cowardly to turn our eyes away from that, but it makes it possible to get out of bed a lot of mornings to think of a world full of sunshine and sad but expected celebrity deaths than crazed gunmen popping up out of nowhere.

Kindling a Flame

2011-07-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

I've never made it a secret that I have had a lifelong affair with books. From a very young age, books fascinated me. I would badger my poor parents every night to read to me, so much so that my mother eventually read a bunch of my favorite books onto tape so that she could hit "play" and leave me to fall asleep. She also made sure that I learned to read at a very early age (again, I suspect it was to spare her the ongoing demands to read MORE, Mommy, MORE!). By the time I was in first grade, I was reading several grades above my peers. I would walk out of the library with a stack of books and finish them within days. As an adult, the affair has intensified. I honestly shudder to think how many thousands of dollars I have spent on books over the course of my life. I can't even begin to estimate how many books I own. They are hidden in just about every nook and cranny in my house. It's kind of an illness.

In the past year or so, there has been something coming between me and my great love. No, not my busy schedule. Even when I am working insanely long hours, I've always set aside the last 20 or so minutes of the day to read a little bit before I go to sleep. No, this third wheel is more of an issue than my hectic lifestyle and workaholic tendencies. The third wheel is my eyes. You see, over the past several months, I've taken note of the fact that reading has become a bit more challenging for me -- so much so that I've taken to keeping a pair of reading glasses by my bed to help ease the job a little. (I wear glasses normally, but I am nearsighted. My prescription for that does nothing to help my inability to read things close to me.) I've been putting off a trip to the eye doctor because my fear is that the diagnosis will be bifocals. I am completely at ease with turning 40, but I am totally NOT okay with wearing bifocals. Not yet.

My vision also created challenges for me at the gym. I've found that if I read while on the elliptical, I can go for a much longer time -- which is ultimately better for my body since it's getting more cardio. I don't wear my glasses when I work out, but I can't hold the book close enough to read easily while literally sweating my butt off. There's also the added hassle of trying to get the book to stay open on the little shelf-y thing. I tried reading magazines, but there was the struggle of the pages blowing in the fans that are aimed at the cardio area to keep us from dying of heat stroke. Plus, the print size was an issue. Because of the distance from my eyes to the shelf-y and the fact that I don't wear my glasses to work out, I often struggled to read. And that 45-plus minutes on the elliptical started to feel longer and longer every day. God bless little Bruiser Woods, but music just wasn't enough to keep my mind off the monotony of 45 minutes of walking in place.

And a couple weeks ago, the solution suddenly hit me. It was so obvious ... and so incredibly difficult to accept. It would involve swallowing some pride and taking back some things I'd said in the past. It would mean surrendering to the enemy.

It would mean buying a Kindle.

I spent several weeks thinking it over, weighing the pros and cons. I could fit entire libraries in my workout bag. It would fit perfectly on the elliptical. I could adjust the text size and my eyes wouldn't be an issue in my reading any more.

But then...what about the stacks of books I own that I've not read yet? After railing against how technology was killing books, I'd be a hypocrite for embracing that technology, right?

But.....libraries....whole ones....one bag!!!

Sunday, I headed to Target. I literally spent an hour roaming around the store, debating with myself whether or not to take the plunge. I walked by the Kindle case probably ten times, looking at it, thinking it over, and then I'd head over to the lamps to think about it (and ended up buying a new lamp...Target has clearly missed out on a way to increase sales. Get indecisive people in there and tell them they have to spend an hour deciding about Item A while they walk around the store. I bet I wouldn't be the only one that spent a good $50 more than intended by the time it was over!). When the hour was up, there I was heading to my car with a lamp, a new duffle bag (that I actually bought for my sister), some new moisturizer, a planner, a couple Luna Bars (I'm hooked on those bad boys!) and...a Kindle. I spent the rest of the afternoon browsing around on Amazon, trying to decide which book to buy (I decided to limit myself to a book or so at a time...and for now, I'm not allowed to take the Kindle to bed...and yes, I realize how dirty that just sounded!). I ended up spending about $15 and ended up with two books (that were both under $3 each ... which is why I bought them) as well as the complete works of Shakespeare, the complete works of Jane Austen, and a collection of Mark Twain books (including Huck Finn, which I get to teach this year).

Yesterday was my first day using the new Kindle at the gym. I felt a little like a techno-nerd as I strapped on my iPod and grabbed my Kindle and headed for the elliptical. I will admit that reading slows my pace just a touch, but the 45 minutes flew by ... so much so that I think it's about time to bump my time up to a full hour. I luckily picked a book that's relatively light and quick reading (Commencement by J. Courtney Sullivan). It's a good companion to my workout.

So of course, the question is what does the Kindle do to my relationship with books? Well, so far, I've stuck to my "No Kindle in Bed" policy. I read Commencement during the day and am working my way through Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life (a score from the public library's spring book sale!). I still have a stack of physical books that I fully intend to read because otherwise, man, that is a lot of money out the window! I just RSVPed to attend the library's fall book sale in a couple months. And I'm going to try to stick to just downloading one book at a time for the Kindle to keep myself in check. I definitely felt a sense of this being a life altering moment when I opened the Kindle and held it in my hands for the first time, but my hope is that the Kindle can peacefully co-exist with the books in my life and that the three (or three thousand of us -- if I count each book I own individually) can live happily ever after.

The Boy Who Lives

2011-07-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

Thirteen years ago, my sister presented me with a simple birthday gift -- a book. It was a book we'd read about, heard was pretty great, but I'd not given it a ton of thought beyond that because it was clear from the things I'd read that it was a book designed for children. It was some book about a little boy wizard. I was in my late 20's, and I wasn't really sure that a book about a little boy wizard was up my alley. I'd never been big into fantasy-type novels even as a young reader, so why should I be interested now? But my sister wanted to read the book, saw an opportunity to get the book into the house (as a gift), and assured me that the books transcended age, that adults were really into these books, too.

It may seem hyperbolic to say that this one gift changed my life, but in a way, it kind of did.

Within pages of starting Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was hooked. I sometimes think I stand as a testament to the power of those books. I was a cynical Gen-Xer with no history with any sort of fantasy series. And yet, I instantly bought into the world that JK Rowling created and fell in love with these characters. As the series went on and I became a teacher, I saw the power these books had as even the most reluctant readers found themselves clinging to Rowling's books. A kid who threw a fit when I asked him to read a three-page short story was lugging around a 500+ page Harry Potter book without blinking an eye.

The books resonate. Yes, there is an engaging story at its core, a simple good versus evil epic. But there's more to the books that I think pulled in kids and adults across genre lines like never before. There is this sort of promise made within the books -- that courage and integrity win out, that loneliness is not permanent, that intelligence empowers, that escape is possible. There is also harsh reality at play in the books. People die, good people. Trust is betrayed. Pain is suffered. But there is a sort of comfort to experience those lessons in literature, to ease kids into the idea that the world is full of possibilities, and some of those possibilities hurt ... a lot.

I envy the kids who grew up with Harry. I know that I approached the books much differently than his young fans. I was an adult. I had already learned those lessons about promise and pain. I had suffered loss and grief and had found the friends who made life so much richer. Seeing Harry suffer the pain I had already suffered and experience the joys I had already experienced made the books resonate. I loved that kid. I was not at all ashamed to stand beside children waiting to get the latest book when it was released at midnight. I shelled out extra to see Deathly Hallows Part I in IMAX. And Monday afternoon, there I was, forking over a little extra to see the final Harry Potter movie in 3D.

I'm not going to lie. It was an emotional experience for me. It was truly the end of an era, a decade long journey with these characters I had grown to love (and loathe). I wept pretty openly through much of the movie. I knew what was coming, but it didn't stop certain moments from hurting. When it was over, I had to sit for a couple moments and collect myself. I was emotionally drained and so grateful for the 3D glasses that hid the red, puffy eyes (glasses I kept on for several minutes after leaving the theater).

As a society, I feel like we owe a huge debt of gratitude to JK Rowling. She made reading an event again. Would Twilight have the power it does without Harry Potter? Would we already be going out of our minds over the very thought of a Hunger Games movie without Harry? Honestly, I'm not sure we would. These books reached passionate and reluctant readers alike by creating this vivid, dark, but welcoming world where we could all find a literary soul mate with whom to connect. Each and every one of us has a kindred spirit in Harry's world whether it's nerdy intellect Hermione Granger, the scampish Weasely twins, or even the darkly complicated Severus Snape. The fact that these characters were given so many shades made them all the more vivid and relatable. And once we found that connection to a literary character in Harry's world, it became so much more appealing to go out and find it in Bella's or Katniss's or Percy Jackson's or Lisbeth Salander's. The series may have ended, but these characters and their brothers and sisters live on and will continue to lead us into new and inventive worlds.

Thank you, Harry, for the adventures and for keeping reading alive.

On the Line No More

2011-07-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the closing performance of All Shook Up. I've spent the past six weeks sweating my butt off (literally -- I've lost about 20 pounds this summer) dancing, singing, and having a pretty tremendous experience. I'm sorry the show is over because it was a lot of fun, but I'm not all that sorry to get a little more free time in a summer that ended up being much busier than I had initially planned.

As I've mentioned in previous posts about this show, this was an opportunity for me to face a lot of fears and overcome them one by one. I sang for an audition, I danced, and a couple weeks ago, I added another big fear obstacle -- I was asked if I would sing a solo...in the show. Over the course of the rehearsal process, I had grown a lot more comfortable singing. (I credit our very kind and gifted music director.) And so I found myself agreeing to take on this solo. During rehearsals, I was actually pretty comfortable with that. I only had three bars where I was truly "solo" (and yes, it was three bars that started off a whole song, but again, only three bars). It was a song I already knew ("Heartbreak Hotel"), so I didn't have to worry about learning something new. I kept the solo thing kind of quiet -- I told a friend or two but didn't tell my sister or anyone else. A lot of people in the cast knew how the prospect of a solo terrified me and were so supportive that it just didn't seem like a big deal.

Until opening night.

About noon (seven hours before opening), it suddenly dawned on me that this was real -- I was going to be singing all by myself in front of an audience. I had to start off a whole song -- a kind of important song -- OMG HOW WAS I GOING TO DO THIS?!?!? By about six, my stomach was in knots, there was the slight woosh of nausea whenever I thought about getting onstage. I felt as if all the color was gone from my body. Maybe I was high on the massive amounts of hair spray that had been pumped onto my hair, but I know stage fright and that's what I had -- big time. I told our director (who played my husband in Plaza Suite a little over a year ago) that I had never been this nervous before, not even in Plaza Suite when I had 30 pages of dialogue, never left stage, and was onstage alone with these little monologues two or three times.

But what could I do other than swallow it down, channel that fear into the energy it really is, and get my butt onstage and sing those three solo bars? And that's what I did. And once I sang those three bars and the rest of the chorus joined in, I swear I could literally feel the nerves floating up into the lights and leaving me so that for the rest of the run, I was fine and couldn't wait to get back onstage.

So what will I take away from this experience? A bunch. I learned that singing in public isn't really so bad. Maybe I'll take a crack at it again someday. (Although not next summer -- I'm not Pirates of Penzance ready.) I learned that dancing is hard but that eventually, you kind of get the hang of things. I learned that my students are as terrific to work with onstage as they are to direct. I learned that standing on the same stage that Fanny Brice once performed on is pretty freakin' amazing. And I learned that being in the final couple of months before 40 doesn't mean you still can't have late nights, dance hard, sing harder, and enjoy yourself. (Just look at the fun I am clearly having in the picture that accompanies this post!) You just might hurt a little more in the morning.

It's a Tabloid World

2011-07-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

One of the rather sad facts of my summer existence is that I spend about 2-1/2 months a bit tuned out from the rest of the world. Gone are my morning spent watching CNN while I get ready for work. Gone is the time spent listening to NPR on the drive to school. Sure, CNN is usually playing on the tv at the gym, but since I workout without my glasses on, it's generally just a blurry screen of people in suits yapping away while Phish or the Red Hot Chili Peppers serenade me through another 45 minutes on the elliptical machine. If it weren't for The Daily Show still having new shows during the summer and my weekly visits with Bill Maher, I probably wouldn't have a clue what was going on in the world during the summer.

And so, for the past several weeks, I have been pretty blissfully ignorant of our latest media circus going on down in Florida -- the Casey Anthony trial. I honestly didn't even really know it was happening until a week or so ago when I happened to pick up an issue of Time to keep me company on the elliptical (during that dark period when Elle Woods was dead and Bruiser had yet to join the family) and read an article about the trial being a media obsession. What I picked up from that article was that Americans were obsessed with this trial (and I have to admit I'm not 100% sure why -- Casey Anthony certainly isn't the first woman ever put on trial for killing her own child. Sadly, I think that likely happens just about every day in this country) and that the case against her was flimsy at best. The thing is that we as viewers (and I lump myself into this although, again, I didn't watch a single second of trial coverage) decided from second one that Casey Anthony was guilty and that public verdict seemed to stem from the gut rather than evidence. She sure seems guilty, so she must be guilty -- proof be damned.

The thing is, though, that we have set up in our society a system that offers us a pretty tremendous amount of legal protection should we be suspected of committing a crime. The burden of proof does not lie on us, the accused, but rather on those accusing us of the crime. Gut feelings, instincts -- that's not evidence. Anyone who's ever seen (or read or acted in or directed) Twelve Angry Men knows that guilt has to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, and if you look at the evidence actually presented in this case, there is nothing BUT reasonable doubt involved no matter what our guts tell us.

I found out that Casey Anthony was found innocent of the murder charges the way a lot of other did -- through angry, vitriolic posts on Facebook. Almost instantly, there seemed to be the formation of a group called "F*** Casey Anthony." Other posts condemned her to hell, seemed to wish violence on her, calling her a "bitch" and a "whore". Others took a more compassionate approach, focusing on the little girl who died and setting up groups in her honor, sending out invitations for people to turn their porch lights on in remembrance of her. I saw her referred to as an "angel" more than once.

This whole thing bothers me on so many different levels. I am always turned off by this tendency we have as a public body to swing violent in our rhetoric on any issue. Whether Casey Anthony is guilty or innocent (and like a lot of people, yeah, my gut tells me she probably is not innocent), this ugly, nasty, brutish response to the verdict makes my stomach clench. It's that sort of mob mentality that could very likely doom us. Yes, we have a right to feel frustrated when we feel that an erroneous judgment has taken place. Free speech, yada yada yada. But when that frustration becomes vented in vile, violent ways, it ends up making us look like every ugly accusation that has ever been leveled against Americans. We should be better than that. Rhetoric like this is the kind of thing that gives some psycho the idea that it would be okay to open fire at a crowded political event.

Casey Anthony is an example of what is both right and wrong with our legal system. Yeah, I said right and wrong. Casey Anthony was found not guilty because the prosecution didn't do their job. They didn't present the evidence that directly linked Casey to the death of her daughter. (From what I understand, they couldn't even really prove HOW the little girl died.) They relied on emotional appeals to the jury rather than the factual appeals that a guilty verdict needs. Casey Anthony being found not guilty is a good thing in that it sends the message to prosecutors that they need to have all their factual ducks in a row and that juries are smart enough to know when they are being emotionally manipulated -- and that it takes more than a good tug at the heartstrings to reach a guilty verdict. Casey Anthony being found not guilty is a good thing in that it's going to force prosecutors to look at their cases very carefully and a lot of unjustly accused people may never have to spend a day in court and a lot of very guilty people may be sent away a lot easier because the prosecution is going to have to work that much harder. This case may lead to a strengthening of our legal system that's already, flaws aside, a pretty darn good one when you hold it up to what happens in courts around the world.

While it is heartening to see the outpouring of emotion for Anthony's daughter, there is also something about that which leaves me feeling a little unsettled as well. Maybe it's just the idea that it took her death for the world to rally together to support this little girl. There are countless kids out there that live in dangerous, abusive homes. They are beaten, neglected, and emotionally ravaged each and every day. Those are the kids we need to lift up. Those are the kids we need to protect. If the death of Caylee Anthony teaches us anything, it's that this village needs to step up and do a better job in making sure our kids are safe. Don't turn on your porch lights for them after it's too late. Turn on your porch lights and save these kids before we're caught up in yet another tabloid sensational trial. If someone had realized Caylee was in danger and done something sooner, perhaps our Facebook walls would be filled with a lot less hate and a lot more compassion.

Eulogy for a Friend

2011-06-24T13:07:00.001-07:00

As some of you may know, the House of Ginger was rocked with tragedy earlier this month. Yes, it's true; Elle Woods, my beloved iPod, died a tragic and sudden death. I don't want to go into the gruesome details, but let's just say that I learned a very important lesson about iPods and hairballs that I will never ever forget.

With respects to Love Story, what do you say about an iPod that dies? That she was beautiful and pink? That she loved Phish, Pink, showtunes, and me?

Elle was a big part of my life. She was a Christmas gift from my sis about two years ago and ranks as one of the top five Christmas gifts I've ever received. I had desperately wanted an iPod but couldn't really afford one and never ever expected my sister would be so generous. Elle and I became inseparable as I loaded her with all the music I could get my hands on. We had tremendous adventures riding cold buses full of speech kids on January mornings, watching movies together on the train to Chicago, or tooling around town running errands.

Elle loved to go to the gym and always managed to put together the perfect workout mix for that day. She knew what I needed to get pumped up and what I needed to cool back down.

She loved being out in the yard, mowing, gardening, or just sitting on the deck soaking up the sun while she found some great mellow jams to bide the time away.

She loved being backstage, providing a perfect blend of music to help me get focused before taking the stage -- or giving me a game or two of Solitaire to play to keep my mind off my stage fright.

She loved folk music, and so I know that she would urge forgiveness against the murderous cat whose dire need to expel a hairball was more pressing than her need to get off the damn table where Elle was snoozing away after a day in the sun keeping my sis and I entertained with her latest acquisition, the cast album for The Book of Mormon. (I told you girlfriend loved her showtunes.)

(The picture to the left is of Elle and her murderer in happier times. Note the look of premeditation and guilt on Clipper's stupid face.)

Even though Elle has gone to the great iCloud in the sky, I know that she is happy I've moved on to Bruiser Woods, a sassy little silver Nano that holds twice as much music as Elle could. I also know that as much as I will grow to love Bruiser, no one will ever take Elle's place in my heart. She was my first, my best, my everything. RIP, sweet Elle. Go entertain the angels with some showtunes and play a little Solitaire for me.

So I Know I Can't Dance

2011-06-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

We are several weeks into the rehearsal process for All Shook Up. Despite my fears of singing in public, I've enjoyed the singing aspect of this experience. See, I do enjoy singing, but I've always been really self-conscious about singing in front of others. Alone, I love to rock out in my car or sing along with Rock Band on my Wii. Slowly but surely over the course of the past few weeks, I've gained little nuggets of confidence in myself and my ability to sing. I'll likely never be ready for a killer solo onstage, but singing with a group is pretty cool.

The problem for me is the little aspect of a musical that I sort of forgot about when I decided to audition -- dancing. Um, dancing kind of sucks. It's not that I lack rhythm. I've got rhythm. I do. What I lack is coordination. I struggle to get my hands and feet to go where they need to go when they need to go there. Factor in the fact that I am nearly 40 and struggling to get into some semblance of shape, and it's been a rough couple of rehearsals trying to grapevine and stomp and clap when I'm supposed to. Thank God I'm in the back row!

This process, though, has given me significantly deeper empathy. Every winter and spring, I ask a group of high school kids to get up on stage and perform. Sometimes, I make them dance. Every year, I get a couple kids who are not thrilled with the idea of dancing, who struggle with the whole concept, and every year, I get frustrated. "What's so hard about this?" I think to myself. Oh, what a fool I have been. Does this mean that I won't make kids dance anymore? Of course not. Going through this experience has taught me the importance of following through and working at something that does not naturally come easy to me. And if I can do this, so can my kids, but I'll couch it all much kinder and not roll my eyes when they tell me they can't dance.

After all, it's not that they (and I) CAN'T dance. It's just they they (and I) are not very good at it.

Happy Anniversary, Stomach!

2011-06-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

Ah, friends, summer vacation has officially started. The first full week of break is now over, and I can tell you that this summer will speed by. Sorry, but I think it's true.

You may remember that last summer, I set a goal for myself to essentially radically change the way I ate. As I enter the final slide into 40 (it's now officially just four months away -- that's SIXTEEN WEEKS!), I wanted to make a concerted effort to improve my health. Last summer, I worked to introduce myself to foods I'd never tried before but which would be good for me. I became a devotee to vegetables like zucchini and other forms of squash. I discovered a love for quinoa. I worked to make my diet more and more healthy as I steered clear of fast food as often as I could (I can literally count on one hand the number of times I've had fast food french fries in the past year). Now, one year after making an agreement with myself to combat my picky (and unhealthy) eating habits, I feel like I've made drastic steps towards carving out a healthier life for me as I get ready to enter decade number four. (Okay, actually, I just realized that it's technically decade number five, but I'm not ready for that, so there!)

The big question, of course, is how has this change played out in the past 365 days. In the past year, I've lost right around 20 pounds (give or take, depending on the day). I've added exercise to the routine ( a challenge during the school year -- it was a long, inactive winter thanks to speech and musical rehearsals), and that's helped build up some muscle that had long been dormant. And I've continued the process of trying new foods -- kale, edamame, and several other types of fruits and vegetables. Tomorrow night, I'm being really brave and grilling fish. I've never been a fish eater, but I keep reading how healthy fish can be, so I bought some tilapia filets (I've been told it's a good, mild, transitional fish for the fish-concerned) that I'm going to try out on the grill.

This week, I've been using Calorie Count to keep track of what I'm eating and how much activity I'm getting in. The cool thing about Calorie Count is that it also goes through and analyzes what you eat to show you what nutrients you're low in, what you're getting to much of, et cetera. For example, today I was "too low" on carbohydrates but "too high" on cholesterol (thanks to the two eggs I had for breakfast). Overall, though, my menu for the day earned an A. Grade grubber that I always have been, that means a lot to me.

Obviously, I'm not perfect, and I hope that this doesn't sound preachy or sanctimonious or anything like that. I still have moments of weakness. I mourned the end of speech season last February with a pint of Ben and Jerry's that I downed in one sitting. Every couple of weeks or so, I have to break down and buy a frothy, fattening iced coffee concoction. I know I need to be careful around certain foods -- potato chips, chocolate -- and sometimes knowing that isn't enough to stop me from consuming. The difference now compared to other times I've tried "program" diets like Weight Watchers is that when I do give in and eat potato chips or Ben and Jerry's, I don't feel the guilt and shame that would usually send me spiraling completely off the wagon and back into unhealthy habits. Now, I just shrug and think, "Tomorrow will be better." Food is meant to be enjoyed, and sometimes you just need a Snickers bar. My goal right now is to just try to make sure that the days I need a Snickers are significantly fewer than the days I need an apple.

PS -- I also have to say that I probably could not have survived this year without my friend Debbi. She's joined me in this pact to pursue healthier habits, and I'm not sure I could have made it without her emails of encouragement, her recipe sharing, and knowing that there was someone else out there taking this journey. :)

Facing My Fears

2011-05-31T19:17:00.000-07:00

Confession time: I am a hypocrite.

Okay, I'm probably hypocritical about a lot of things. Aren't we all at some level? But there's been one thing I've been kind of wagging an internal finger at myself about for awhile now. Today, I finally decided to do something about it.

This is all sounding rather mysterious and scandalous, isn't it?

It's really not.

Here's the thing: I am a teacher. Not only am I a teacher, but I am a teacher in fields that are fraught with terror for a lot of people. I teach speech, and you know the old adage about public speaking being the thing we fear more than death. I also teach drama, another field that fills many with absolute dread. Even my super talented and loyal speech and drama kids often struggle with fear and confidence. And there's Mama Mel holding their hands and telling them there's nothing to fear and how they have to have faith and carpe diem and all that cliche stuff (that I legitimately mean, lest people think I'm being an insincere fraud on top of the whole hypocrite thing).

This, friends, is where my hypocrisy comes into play. While I've never been particularly afraid of speaking in public and really don't have a ton of issues when it comes to acting onstage, there is a very powerful fear that has often been a little on the crippling side for me. Singing. Don't get me wrong. When it's me alone in the car, I crank the tunes and belt along with the best of them. But getting me to sing in front of people? No way, Jose. I freak out. It probably doesn't help that my sis is an amazingly gifted singer. I resigned myself years ago to the fact that she got certain gifts in the genetic lottery; I got others. It kind of works itself out pretty nicely. Yeah, she can sing, but I am way taller than she is.... even steven!

So now, let's take a look at today. I've been hustling my students for the past couple months about auditioning for the summer musical with a local community theatre group. I think it's so important for my kids to get as much experience as they can, it's a great way for them to meet like-minded people who love theatre, and it's also a way for them to see that, even if they don't all intend to become professional actors, there can still be a place for theatre in their lives. I am a passionate supporter of community theatre, and I love sharing that experience with my students. After all, I would not be here today were it not for community theatre. (That's how my parents met...if I've never blogged about that story, maybe I will another time.)

Making the jump to the bigger pool that is community theatre, though, is a pretty daunting prospect for some of my kids. For some of them, the only person they've ever auditioned for is me, and I tend to be a pretty supportive cheerleader kind of person, especially during auditions. (Yes, friends, I'm a Paula. No doubt about it.) Suddenly, I'm asking them to go up against unknown talent from other schools, other towns and to stand in front of total strangers and put themselves out there. And it dawned on me today that I push them to do that...and I'm not willing to do it myself.

Hypocrite.

But that all ended today.

As a way to show moral support to my very brave (and very talented) students (and former students) who made the leap and auditioned, I swallowed my fears and found myself sitting beside them today to audition for All Shook Up. Yes, I sang in front of people. In front of my students. They were quite amused. I believe one said something about it being "cosmic justice." It was a little weird being a "peer" with my students, but it was also kind of fun and a little exhilarating to find myself in the same boat as my kids. And facing down a pretty epic fear? Wow. I'm not saying that I'm going to be running out there and tackling all of those other pesky fears any time soon. I won't be climbing any giant ladders. I won't be handling any snakes. But I sang in public, and maybe showed my kids that there really is nothing to fear but fear itself. And really high places. And snakes. But mostly fear itself.

UPDATE: I got a part. Well, I was cast in the chorus, but still! I get to perform with a lovely group of my students and perform on an amazing stage (a stage where Jack Benny, Houdini, and Fanny Brice are said to have once performed). If becoming a chorus girl isn't enough incentive to keep trekking to the gym this summer, I don't know what is! Stay tuned for a summer full of stories from my life as a ginger-headed chorus girl.

Worst....Idol....Ever

2011-05-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

Good Lord, that was excrutiating!

I could spend these paragraphs detailing all the ways in which last night's finale of American Idol was absolute torture -- the twang, the hyperbole, the ridiculous clothing forced upon a teenaged girl, the pandering. All of it added up to a total nightmare, as far as I'm concerned. Look, I have nothing against either Lauren or Scotty. They both seem like very nice kids, and there is definitely something a bit moving seeing how much this experience means to them. That look of wonder in their eyes is powerful stuff. But you can't tell me that you weren't bored by the complete lack of any variety in that hour. When Taio Cruz singing some song that America apparently helped write (I was always kind of vague on the details of that particular contest) is a highlight of the evening, you know you're in trouble.

As I thought about it this morning, I couldn't help but think that it was maybe just as torturous for the producers as it was for us lowly viewers. Sure, the ultimate winner of this show will likely sell quite a few records. (Country fans are pretty loyal and willing to part with their money -- far more so, I suspect, than rock fans. We're cheapskates, we rock fans.) But considering the fact that all of the Idol-related Facebook posts I saw last night talked about how awful the finale was (with a couple swearing off the show forever), I'm thinking Idol has a problem. If you look back over the past ten years, each finale really did have a way to appeal to just about anyone -- pop, rock, country, soul, beatboxing, folk. This year, we have country and country. I sat and listened to songs I would never willingly listen to last night -- and I didn't like a darn one of them.

Of course, the ultimate responsibility for this failure lies in us, the voting public. We're so driven by good looks, perky smiles, and charming personalities that we don't think about how miserable an hour of all country music could be. We let interesting artists slip away because they seem bratty (Haley) or weird (Casey) or maybe a little too emotional (James). Of course, the producers know this and play to that by giving us loads of footage of Scotty's winning charm or having Lauren visit tornado-ravaged neighborhoods...or have her sing a song about her mother TO her mother. (I can't help but think that the producers suspect Scotty is okay regardless of tonight's outcome but that Lauren needs the win to guarantee her album sales which is why she got the stronger original song -- the more manipulative original song -- and had the judges flipping out over her sudden brilliance.)

Am I walking away from Idol after last night? Probably not. The truth of the matter is that, even when it's bad, Idol is an awful lot of fun. I had a tremendously good time last night mocking the proceedings -- making me wish I could live blog while I watch because seriously, you guys would be rolling! After last year's travesty (Lee beating Crystal), I sort of came to a sort of peace with Idol, recognizing that the best would not always (if ever) win, that personality trumps all, and that America has no taste when it comes to music. And I somehow still love Idol for all of that and more.

A Mea Culpa to MY American Idol

2011-05-19T06:19:00.001-07:00

Friends, imagine last night's Idol without Haley Reinhart. Imagine two hours of lackluster country "hits" sung by two very sweet but ultimately not terribly interesting teenagers. Throw in a lot of meaningless patter by self-satisfied celebrity judges, some tearjerking video moments, and you have next week's finale. As much as I have grown to love Haley over the course of the past couple weeks (and I have to admit that I DO love Haley), I have a hard time imagining her making it into the finale next week despite the fact that she gave the most solid performances of last night. Go to the American Idol website and watch her performances. Here's a girl who had the balls to tackle Led Zeppelin (and a more obscure Led Zeppelin at that), Stevie Nicks, and Alanis Morisette all within the scope of two hours. And outside of her stumble on the steps, she didn't miss a single beat or a single note. Her "What Is and What Should Never Be" was a rager, full of the fire and excitement that was lacking from every single one of Scotty and Lauren's performances last night. Add to it the beauty of having her father onstage playing guitar, and it was the kind of performance that should go down in Idol history.

Her second performance was "Rhiannon." She brought a dark, raw elegance to the tune, staying true to the lines set forth by Stevie Nicks but using some inventive shades within those notes that made it her own. She also show remarkable restraint by limiting her growl and instead basking in the glow of that kick ass wind machine they gave her. (Credit the producers for at least giving Haley the pimp spot as well as the pimp effects that the other contestants last night did not receive.)

I would say that her performance of "You Oughtta Know" that closed out the show was probably her weakest of her three numbers, but it still beat anything Scotty or Lauren did. I don't know what show Randy and JLo were watching last night to NOT declare Haley as the best of the night, but we all know they clearly have an agenda that does not include a Haley finale. Bless you, Steven Tyler, for fighting for this girl the past couple weeks and giving her the love she has so clearly earned.

But back to "You Oughtta Know"...as any woman in her 30's can tell you, that's a tough song. Those of us who found ourselves blasting that song in the mid-90's know that it's not an easy song with which to sing along, so it's no wonder that Haley struggled with the crazy syncopation Alanis lays out in that track. But man, despite some rhythmic challenges here and there, she still blew everyone else out of the water with those last notes. DAMN!

I know that Haley is facing a tough battle. The judges gave Scotty and Lauren a lot of praise last night. They are clearly nice kids and they sang well. For me, though, their performances were lacking something -- heart, passion, soul. They hit their notes, they did everything they were supposed to, but they never gave me that surge of adrenaline that Haley gave me with every single note she sang last night. Sure, part of the issue, I'm sure, is that I am not a country music fan. It's probably not that surprising that my favorite Scotty performance last night was his performance of "She Believes In Me" because it was a song I actually recognized (and have always kind of liked). To be quite frank, country music largely bores me, and so Scotty and Lauren, by never straying from their country game plan, have begun to bore me as well. It also doesn't help Lauren that she was assigned "I Hope You Dance" for one of her performances -- a song that I have always loathed with a passion second only to my hatred for No Doubt's "Don't Speak." (Seriously, that song gives me hives of hatred.)

Here's the thing, though. No matter what the outcome is this week and next, I have no doubt in my mind that Lauren and Scotty have careers just waiting for them. I have a hard time imagining that Nashville isn't chomping at the bit to get those two into studios. There is a large portion of the country demographic that is young -- at least if the number of teenaged country fans I'm surrounded by on a daily basis is any indication. Scotty and Lauren give Nashville the chance to jump on that demographic and give them their very own version of Justin and Miley (or whoever the big teen idols of the day are). These two are cute, clean cut, perfect for posters, t-shirts, and lunch boxes. (Put the two of them together in a duo ala Sugarland or Lady Antebellum, and they could be unstoppable.)

I'm not sure that the same is true of Haley, though. It seems that it's a lot tougher to break into the rock industry than the country industry. Haley needs all the exposure she can get to help her make it. Haley needs to win. But I don't know that America is going to embrace this spunky little rocker the way she she needs to be embraced. And maybe Haley is content with going back to Chicago and banking on a third place finish to book slightly larger clubs and continue to jam with her mom and dad's rock band. (And how cool is that to grow up with parents who have their own rock band....in the Chicago area? Answer: VERY FREAKIN' COOL! I kind of want Haley's childhood!) I think, though, that she deserves better than that. I think she could take advantage of the wave of kick ass female singers out there and maybe carve a nice little niche in that market alongside Adele, Christina Perri, Colbie Callait, and even Lady Gaga. But she needs a win, I think, to get that shot.

Friends, I recognize the irony of this post. Believe me, I found myself laughing last night as I continually dialed Haley's number to cast my vote for her while also sitting online to cast my vote for her on the website. Weeks ago, I looked forward to the idea of Haley being voted off, was ready to pop open a bottle of champagne to celebrate said elimination, and here I was voting frantically for the same girl. But over the past few weeks, Haley has won me over with her tenacity and talent. Once I realized that my iPod is littered with chicks just like Haley (and, frankly, once Casey Abrams was gone), I embraced this plucky little diva. I just wish America would join me and not let the finale be a two-hour country jamboree. I would rather listen to "Don't Speak" for two hours on an endless loop than be subjected to that.

Bookworms Unite

2011-05-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

According to the media, books are dying. There are a plethora of articles out there bemoaning the fact that the sale of physical books is down significantly in the face of the rising popularity (and lowering prices) of Nooks and Kindles. Book stores are closing every day. Borders is bankrupt. There is a significant portion of the media that has turned all Chicken Little and seems certain that the printed book is set to go the way of the eight-track tape and Betamax.

For a book lover like me, it's hard not to worry. Now, before you ask, no, I've not jumped on board the Kindle train. There are a lot of different reasons for that. The price was prohibitive at first. A great majority of the books I buy are purchased used through Amazon or the local bookstore here in town. And when you get right down to it, for me, nothing beats the feel and smell of a book. I struggle with the notion that I could ever get the same "high" from a little flat panel screen that I get from opening to that first page of what may prove to be an incredible literary journey.

Yes, friends, I am a bookworm. And I am damn proud.

And I also know something else . . . I am not alone.

This morning was one of my favorite days of the year, seriously right up there with the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas morning, and my birthday. It was the annual Friends of the Library book sale. Once a year, our little local library turns the second floor meeting room into a giant used book store, offering books for as cheap as a quarter a piece and antique books for as little as $15. It is a booklover's dream come true.

As I stood in line this morning waiting for the library doors to be unlocked (in my own defense, so as not to sound like a total freak, I thought the sale started an hour earlier and THOUGHT I was arriving almost an hour into the sale...after the initial crowd had already torn through), I felt a certain sort of pride. Note what I said in that last sentence -- I STOOD IN LINE. I pulled up to the back door of the library about 15 minutes before the doors opened and joined a line that was already about 15 people deep. Someone mentioned that an even longer line was at the door in the front of the building. By the time that 15 minutes passed, the line was probably a good 25 or 30 people deep. All of us were there for the same reason -- we loved books. The other thing that made this booklover's heart soar was the fact that I wasn't surrounded by a bunch of old ladies. There were young kids in line, bouncing up and down as they held their bags awaiting their future haul. There were college kids strolling over from campus. There were parents young and old. There was a group of people who just love books.

When we were finally let in, the small meeting room upstairs was soon packed with people loaded down with books. There was a tremendous selection. I walked out with roughly a dozen books, many of which looked like they had never been opened before. For just under $5, I walked away with nearly pristine copies of books by Sherman Alexie, Denis Johnson, Chelsea Handler, Emily Griffin, Ann Packer, Jonathan Safran Foer, and more. Add to it the fact that I hauled in my bounty in under 15 minutes, and you can call it a successful outing. I had decided to exercise a little self-control and did not bring in a bag but decided I would only purchase what I could actually carry myself. (Which also explains the fact that I was only in there for 15 minutes.) Others had shopping bags; some had boxes. Everyone had huge smiles of disbelief on their faces as they moved from table to table and saw the books available.

So I refuse to believe that books are dead. Booklovers are out there. We are passionate. We are devoted. We are willing to stand outside in the cold, pouring rain (yeah, did I mention it was only about 50 degrees and raining this morning?) to get our hands on books. Your Kindles and Nooks are lovely (and I know that eventually I will break down and buy one), but please don't let them rip away our pages. You keep printing; we keep buying.

Mama, He's Going Home

2011-05-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

Well, Blogger has been down, so many of you may not have seen my post where I said my DVR malfunctioned Wednesday night and I was unable to see Idol. I do go and read the recap on Entertainment Weekly (I miss you, Michael Slezak!), and I was able to catch the performances on the Idol website, although I did not see the introductory film footage nor watch the critiques.

Friends, let me tell you, American Idol is a significantly different experience when you skip the critiques and don't let Randy, JLo, and Steven tell you who gave the better performances. Just watching the actual performances left me with no doubt that Haley Reinhart was the strongest performer on Wednesday and that James Durbin was most definitely the weakest. I'm sorry, Randy and JLo, but Haley knocked it out of the park, and if ANYONE is in it to win it, it is that spunky little chick from Chicago. (Haley is from Chicago, yes? I mean, that accent? Come on!) Sure, Lauren did fine with a serviceable Martina McBride (or whatever country-lite diva of the week Lauren is trotting out) song, but her "Trouble" was kind of a laughable mess. Scotty pulled out the maudlin "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)" that always makes me throw up a little inside and then topped it off with a short bus rendition of "Youngblood" that was remarkable more for the ridiculous faces and t-rex arms he was flailing around with the entire time he was onstage. As for James, well...to be honest, the whole James-ness of him just kind of got old. The choice to do "Don't Stop Believing" felt a bit pandering (Randy, after all, yo, was once a member of Journey), and his "Love Potion #9" just felt off. My sis, who has had years of vocal training, pointed out that his notes were sloppy and a bit all over the place. There's no denying that James is a showman and an entertaining presence on that stage, but the three best technical singers are left in the competition.

As for Haley.....

What a tremendous Idol journey that young woman has taken....in my heart. Yes, weeks ago I railed against her. I called her a petulant faker. I thought the growl was beyond overused. I hated the way she stomped around on the stage and kept waving her "Help me, Jesus" arm up and down during her songs. I waited for her elimination with a bottle of champagne ready to help celebrate the end of her era. But then something happened. She brought the growl a little more under control. (It's still a bit too much, but it's certainly not as bad as it was!) She's slowly getting better stage presence. What really has won me over is the fact that this girl seems to have a tremendous passion and fire burning in her. For the past couple weeks, Haley has walked off that stage emotionally battered around by the judges. They can't knock her for her actual skill, so they ding her on her song choice. What's remarkable, though, is that Haley takes risks. I can see dinging her on song choice if she pulled a Lauren and came out every week with some middle of the road, safe little ditty that gave her a big note or two but ultimately offered her no real challenge. No, instead Haley is out there stomping and growling and singing her heart out on some pretty ambitious choices like "Call Me" and an unreleased Lady Gaga tune. For two weeks in a row, she has stood there and received these beating and then come out and sung ANOTHER SONG. And her second performance exceeds the first because instead of pouting and crying about how mean the judges were, she channels that into what can only be called rage and gives a compelling, raw, passionate, fierce, furious performance. After the ridiculous Gaga beating last week, she turned around and gave the night's best performance with "House of the Rising Sun." After getting slammed to the ground for her quite powerful and moving "Earth Song" Wednesday, she trotted right back out there in her big girl shoes and hit a home run with "I (Who Have Nothing)". More than once in the past two weeks, Haley has moved me to tears. She FEELS this. She NEEDS this. And if the judges don't like it, well, they can just go forget themselves. (Thanks, Cee-Lo)

Does Haley have a shot at the finale? Sadly, probably not, and that leaves us with the very scary but totally realistic possibility that we will have an all-country finale with Lauren and Scotty. I'm not sure I can handle that, to be quite honest with you. The past couple weeks of having to listen to Martina McBride and Sara Evans and Alan Jackson and whatever else these two have trot out for us is really starting to wear on me. Remember when Carrie Underwood was able to win this thing by singing songs by POP artists? Her "Alone" remains one of the greatest performances to ever take the Idol stage. We all knew Carrie was a country artist, but she was able to paint outside those lines at least a little and bring some country flavor to pop music (which is why she's been a pretty darn successful crossover artist in ways that Martina, Sara, and Alan have never been able to achieve). Consider, too, that fact that an all-country finale will likely only lead us to more and more twang next season and suddenly American Idol becomes Nashville Idol, and that's my stop on this crazy train, my friends. That's my stop.

Oops

2011-05-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

No Idol post today. My DVR decided to be a douchebag last night and recorded nothing it was supposed to. No Idol. No America's Next Top Model. Nothing. I'm hoping to at least get a little lowdown on what happened last night, but I can't rank performances I haven't seen, and Idol is pretty shifty about putting stuff up online to view.

BOO!!

Singing Blind

2011-05-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

Because I seem to spend my days doing nothing but playing armchair quarterback for American Idol, I've had a couple people ask me about NBC's The Voice. Since it appears to be law that you cannot not watch this show (based on the intense marketing campaign that I swear seemed to include ads on my toilet paper in addition to every 20 seconds during NBC's other programming), I set the DVR to record it.

Outside of American Idol (and The Sing Off... and an embarrassing flirtation with American Juniors one summer), I've never really watched most of the other "talent-based" reality shows. I've never watched So You Think You Can Dance (that screamy woman they show on The Soup all the time freaks me out), was quickly bored by America's Got Talent (no, they really don't), and barely made it through an episode of Paula Abdul's Live to Dance. I tend to find a lot of those shows a little dull, to be honest. The format is always the same; you can always predict who will make it and who won't. It's actually more shocking that I am so devoted to American Idol considering how my attention is so frequently lost while watching other talent shows.

But I was too intrigued by the notion of The Voice to not at least give it a try. It probably helped that the celebrity judges including Christina Aguilara and Cee-Lo. I love them. Adam Levine is adorable. It surely surprises no one that I was completely unfamiliar with Blake Shelton prior to this, but he seemed appealing enough in the ads. Once the sneak preview aired before SNL a couple weeks ago that featured the celebrity judges performing "Crazy", I was pretty much in for at least a sampling.

I have to say I've enjoyed what I've seen so far. The blind aspect of the auditions is intriguing -- although no one that made it to the next level seems to be particularly trollish, just maybe lacking in some performance skills. I enjoyed the suspense of whether or not a judge would push a button to claim a singer. I liked the battling amongst the celebrities to get a certain performer on his/her team. Carson Daly seems likable enough backstage with the families. The question for me becomes how the show continues on now that the gimmick stage is over. From now on, it's not just going to be about the voices, right? As the performers go into a sort of musical boxing ring to battle to keep their spots on their teams, will judges have their backs to them still? After mentoring these people, won't the judges recognize the voices they're hearing? Won't personality start coming into play now that the judges know them?

Adding to my concerns is this article that details the very non-amateur pasts of a lot of the singers (including the presence of TWO American Juniors veterans...WEIRD!). Part of the joy of American Idol is the idea of these kids being plucked from obscurity to become superstars. American Idol is the place where paint salesmen can become recording artists. I worry that The Voice may just be the place to go when your contract with MCA expires.

Don't get me wrong. I'm sticking with the show if only to see how it all plays out...and because I think Adam Levine is cute. (And honestly, Blake Shelton is not completely unattractive either. But Carson Daly looks like the Crypt Keeper's little brother Chip. Just saying, Carson, that a burger might not be a bad idea once in a while.)

PS -- I have to say I'm thrilled to see Frenchie Davis as a contestant on this show, but I can't help but think the producers are setting her up for another epic fall in the ongoing tragedy that is Frenchie's life. The Greeks couldn't write stuff this potent, man!

House of the Rising Idol

2011-05-05T06:23:00.001-07:00

What a season American Idol has had this year. Seriously, after last year, I kind of wondered if my own personal Idol journey would be over. My love for the show had always been very deeply rooted in the existence of Simon Cowell, and he was leaving. The judge I most despised, Randy Jackson, was staying and essentially becoming the "lead" judge. America had proven that it has no real discernible taste by selecting the bland Lee DeWyze winner over the incredible Crystal Bowersox. (Seriously, if you can, go back and watch her finale performance of "Up to the Mountain" and then come explain to me how that was a second place performance. You can't because it's isn't...or shouldn't have been.) I was not thrilled when it was announced that Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler were joining the judging panel. Overall, I figured this would probably be the end of the lien for me and Idol...and this time would be a time that would stick.

What a difference a year has made. Sure, there are still times when I miss Simon or at least wonder how he would have responded to a given performance. Sure, Randy, despite occasionally showing some moments of truly insightful criticism, is more likely to fall back on ridiculous hyperbole and dumb statements. (If I hear him say someone is "In it to win it" one more time.... the sis and I are thinking the finale would be a great opportunity to unveil the American Idol drinking game we've been devising recently...and Randy will surely be the star of that game!) As the show approaches its finale, though, there's no denying that the talent level is pretty exciting, that Jennifer and Steven have brought a great energy to the judging panel (even though neither seems overly willing to actually critique in a truly constructive manner), and every episode is fraught with drama. Every elimination is shocking and disappointing. The performances are, as a whole, stronger than ever before. Can you imagine what these kids would have done in previous seasons where the talent pool was considerably weaker?

It makes it difficult for me to play armchair music producer every Thursday morning when I spent the night before watching ten solid performances. But it also makes it exciting as I wonder what is going to happen next, as early favorites fall from favor and a bottle of champagne sits unopened as a certain once loathed contestant gets better and better.

I had difficulty with today's rankings because the first half of the show had a different line up in terms of which performances I liked better than the second half. For example, after the first half of the show, I have to admit I would have ranked Scotty first. Even though I am not a country fan (and particularly don't tend to like male country artists -- too twangy for me), I loved his high energy, confident performance of Montgomery Gentry's "Gone" better than just about anything else in the first half of the show. But the second half of the show...wow. It shook things up considerably. So what I decided to do was take each performer and establish my rankings based on my favorite of their two performances. Yes, I'll comment on both performances, but how they line up is based on the one I liked better. Does that make sense? Have I just made things too complicated? Meh. Who cares? Who's reading this anyway?

1. Haley Reinhart -- Yeah, you read that right. Without a doubt, Haley was the strongest performer last night. The judges ganged up on her a bit for picking Lady Gaga's "You and I" as her first performance. It's an unreleased track that probably 90% of the audience at home had never heard before. It was a totally ballsy move...and I thought it was a brilliant one. After all, Haley is going to potentially make a career of singing songs we've never heard before except from her. What a way to establish herself. And it was a terrific performance (although my sis thought Haley's vocals sounded young...like a twelve year old). What put Haley at #1 on my list, though, was that finale. Her version of "House of the Rising Sun" was haunting and absolutely spellbinding. Bravo to guest mentor Sheryl Crow for encouraging Haley to go with that acappella opening that just put the audience in the palm of Haley's little hand. Yeah, Haley still needs to work on some stage presence (the arm waving...Haley...stop...), but she is playing this thing brilliantly and is on the kind of trajectory that could very well lead her to the finale. (Since she's a chick, she apparently can't win thanks to the massive tween girl voting demographic out there, but it suddenly doesn't seem too far fetched to imagine her at least making it to the final two.)

2. Scotty McCreery -- I've been tough on Scotty since day one. Scotty is a tough one for me because he is a genre performer in a genre I don't like. I've tried, though, to be open and I think I've been pretty honest about saying I think the kid is a tremendous singer. I just wish he sang a kind of music I like better. I think it's great that he's stuck to his guns and not tried to fit himself into whatever genre they're working that week, that he's managed to give a country performance every single week. (I still think he should have done "Everybody's Talkin'" for Movie Week, though.) Sometimes, that stubborn devotion to genre has been a little dull. I wasn't crazy about "I Cross My Heart" from Movie Week nor did I particularly like "You've Got a Friend" last week. Last night, though, I really enjoyed both of Scotty's performances and had Haley not come out with that monster "Rising Sun", I would have put Scotty first. As I said above, I thought his "Gone" was the best performance from the first half of the show. I loved the energy and swagger. The kid is a showman. (And thank you to the Idol vocal coaches for working with him on that damn flute hold he has on the microphone!) I thought his "Always on My Mind", while a predictable choice, was absolutely lovely and showed tremendous maturity. I really think we're looking at a likely Scotty-James finale, and I wouldn't be particularly shocked if Scotty was the ultimate winner. (I work with teenage girls. They love this kid!) Regardless of the outcome, Scotty has a bright future ahead of him in the industry. There is no way Nashville is going to let this kid go -- with that talent? That smile? Come on!

3. James Durbin -- It's not so much that James stumbled last night. He really didn't. It's just that Haley and Scotty shone a little brighter. I wasn't overly crazy about James's first performance, 30 Second to Mars's "Closer to the Edge." It just kind of lacked an ineffable something for me. James's "Without You", however, was quite lovely and had me in tears. There's no doubt this kid leaves it all on the stage every single week, and his passion and dedication to music is unrivaled. Of all the kids Randy has dubbed as being "in it to win it," James seems the truest to that sentiment. Am I alone, though, in sensing that James is wearing himself out a bit? Has he peaked too soon? I hate to think what will happen to those cute little toddler eyes (as my sister calls them) should he not make it, but I also wouldn't be surprised to see him in the bottom three tonight. The real question is whether the emotion of "Without You" will overcome the merely adequateness of "Closer to the Edge."

4. Lauren Alaina -- I know we're supposed to love Lauren and think she's the second coming of Carrie Underwood. Lauren herself tried to prove that to us last night by performing Carrie's "Flat on the Floor." It was a good performance. But just good. Lauren often feels like she's a little girl trying on Mama's big girl clothes and stomping around in heels a little too big for her. (Judging from the way Lauren's Mama dresses, though, maybe it's Grandma's big girl clothes...) I wish there was a way for Lauren's youth to be capitalized on. Lauren doesn't help this, though, by continuing to choose songs that are, frankly, too old for her. Her best performance this season was "The Climb", a song written for a 16 year old. Last night, we got "Flat on the Floor" (which seriously features the line "You can't knock me off my feet when I'm down on my knees" ... yes, there IS a 13-year-old version of Michael Scott living in my head) and "Unchained Melody." Both of those are adult songs, filled with adult pain and yearning, pain and yearning that a 16-year-old girl like Lauren can really only imagine. There's no denying Lauren has a tremendous voice, and it's not that she didn't sing either song well, but there is a sort of emotional disconnect and basic absurdity to see her up there in her pageant dress (can we please get this girl better styling??!!?) singing a song that calls for such maturity. There are plenty of youthful songs out there that would be perfectly within her wheelhouse and would not feel like we're sitting in the audience of a high school production of A Little Night Music.

5. Jacob Lusk -- Several months ago, I was a big fan of Jacob Lusk. Lately, as you surely have noticed, my love has cooled. The things I was willing to overlook a few months ago -- the articulation issues, the pitch issues, the over-the-top histrionics mid-song -- I'm just not so willing to overlook now. As others have gotten better and better and more and more inovative, Jacob has just kind of floundered and not really shown much of any growth. I also have a hard time picturing where he fits in the market right now. The music world is waiting for Haley, James, Lauren, and Scotty with open arms because each of them could pop right onto the charts and have successful careers. But Jacob? His attempt to show some level of modern relevancy by performing Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks's "No Air" was, well, lacking air. I agree with Randy that it seemed cheesy and out of place for Jacob. (When he went for the implied crotch stroke, I nearly threw up.) I got what Randy was trying to say -- Chris Brown is not the artist Jacob should be. There is no way that a kid who feels uncomfortable singing "Let's Get It On" is going to be able to be successful singing something like "Ballin'". Artists like Chris Brown or Usher bank on their sexuality just as much as any other "talent" they may possess. The days of Luther Vandross making sweet, sweet sonic love are long past. The new, modern R&B is gritty, dirty, sweaty, and sexy, and Jacob seems more laughable than anything when attempting that approach. I'm not sure he has the right swagger to pull off, say, a Bruno Mars or Cee-Lo. So where does that leave Jacob? Sadly, I don't know, but I do know that his time on this show should be drawing to a close so that the other four can battle for contracts that will actually sell records rather than someone who is more likely to be the second coming of Ruben Studdard.

It should be Jacob going home tonight.

A Tapestry of Idols

2011-05-03T18:37:00.000-07:00

Carole King … what an odd choice for Idol, no? And yet…….

If I have any real disappointment in last night, it is that I wish Carole herself had been present. I would have loved to have seen her sitting beside Jimmy to talk these kids through her songs and the emotional resonance that so many of them still have today. With that being said, though, I thought Babyface was a great addition to the mentor sessions and did a great job of giving some real, honest feedback. There’s a reason why he’s one of the most powerful producers in contemporary music – he’s not afraid to tell you when something’s a mess or something’s brilliant. And the Idols got a little bit of both last night.

Obviously, the big headline that is going to emerge after last night’s show is James being dubbed the heir apparent to Lee DeWyze’s crown. Finally, after seven weeks of competition, we finally seem to have a legitimate frontrunner, something I announced to my home audience of one (my sis – audience of four if you count the three cats who curled up with us to watch the show) just moments before Randy pretty much said the same thing. James surely has some obstacles to overcome (Can America really embrace a metal Idol? Will Americans actually vote for the best since they’ve kind of shunned frontrunners for the past several seasons?), but the fact is that the guy is consistent in terms of giving exciting, creative, and just damn good performances every single week. There’s a reason why the guy keeps topping my ranking list even though he’s not necessarily my personal favorite performer. He’s just plain talented, and his performances last night highlighted that more than ever. By taking it down a little, James was able to highlight the fact that he’s got a tremendous voice – and not just when he’s hitting those big notes. But we’ll talk more about that later.

Before I get to the rankings, I do want to talk a little about the duets from last night. The duets lost a little of their excitement for me simply because we’ve already seen two of these duos perform together already at this point. I love the addition of duets and smaller group performances to the results night shows, but the novelty of it is gone now, leaving last night’s duets to gain a bit of a “been there, done that” feel . I mean, we knew that Casey and Haley were going to be awesome because their “Moanin’” from a couple weeks ago was one of the season’s highlights. (Singing with Casey makes Haley EXTREMELY likable, no?) This was the THIRD pairing for Scotty and Lauren, who are a great country duo in the making, although last night was the weakest of their three duets, in my mind. (Seriously, sign these two up to become the new Sugarland or Lady Antebellum because they sound so gorgeous together…better than when they’re singing on their own. Seriously!) James and Jacob were, um, well, interesting. I mean, God bless ‘em for trying, right? It was a weird song choice. I had no idea Carole King wrote “Something Good”…a song I love, to be sure, but not necessarily a good fit for James and Jacob. It ended up being really kind of corny, and the two of them really don’t have voices that complement each other the way that Casey and Haley or Lauren and Scotty complement each other. I wonder if the producers would not have been wiser to force those two duos apart and mix the elements up a little more, take them all out of their comfort zones. It seems almost unfair to James and Jacob to be “stuck” together while the others have a perfect partner with whom they’ve already collaborated. Of course, that would have meant NOT getting that electric “I Feel the Earth Move” out of Casey and Haley. That would be a tragic loss for all the babies that were surely made after that sexually charged performance. (PS – I think Steven is right that Casey TOTALLY loves Haley, but you know, the soap opera fan in me always loves to imagine that sort of stuff going on backstage at Idol.)

On to the rankings….

1. James Durbin – I’ll be honest; ranking James first is getting kind of old, but what can you do? The guy consistently sets the bar and leaps over it with the ease of a gazelle. A hard rocking gazelle. His song choice (“Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”) was brilliant in that it allowed him to really showcase his voice while still maintaining the edge. It was a tremendous performance. Here’s hoping being the “frontrunner” now doesn’t cost him votes from the fickle voting public.

2. Casey Abrams – Casey’s “Hi-Dee-Ho” was a lot of fun. There is a sparkle about Casey that doesn’t seem to be there with a lot of the other performers. Casey seems to have decided to just go with it and have fun, and that’s what he did last night with a terrific jazzy number. I also LOVED the staging as he mingled amongst his band and played off each musician with a wink and a smile. This kid is a showman, even if the judges told him he needs to work on his physicality a little more. And Casey, please don’t listen to Randy and be less growly. It’s the growly that makes me love you.

3. Haley Reinhart – Yeah, this is a shocker, isn’t it? And no, I didn’t allow the duet with Casey (which I absolutely adored) to bump Haley into the top three instead of the bottom three. While I agree with Randy that the beginning of Haley’s “Beautiful” wasn’t great (was actually kind of jarring, to be frank), the last 75% of the song was really solid and engaging. She managed to use her growl more conservatively (and thus more effectively). The real thing Haley needs to work on is her stage presence. Her body seems more nervous than her voice does, and she needs to work more on owning that stage the way that James or Casey or even Scotty do. Slowly but surely, Haley started to grow on me last night between this performance, her duet with Scotty, and the grace with which she seemed to handle the technical difficulties that delayed her performance ever-so-briefly.

4. Scotty McCreery – Unlike the judges, I was honestly not a fan of Scotty’s performance last night. Yes, hearing the upper end of his register was a nice switch, but I thought the performance seemed a bit lethargic at times. Scotty’s schtick is really starting to wear thin for me – the smirk, the eyes, the head tilt, the microphone hold. I still don’t sense a lot of growth there outside of the willingness (which seemed more forced than anything) to try some new notes. Yes, I know Scotty will likely be safe tonight. Teen girls love this kid, and I get that, but I’m starting to have real issues with the idea that he is probably the other frontrunner at this point in the competition. I wish, too, Scotty had maybe gone with a slightly less iconic song. I mean, “You’ve Got a Friend” is a great song, but it is such an integral part of our musical culture that it makes it difficult to pull off in an interesting way. Perhaps something like “So Far Away” (one of my all-time favorite Carole King songs) would have served him a little better. I will say, though, that he did a lovely job with Lauren on “Up on the Roof” and brilliantly compensated for her those couple of times where she seemed to go a bit flat.

5. Lauren Alaina – Someone’s a Gilmore Girls fan! There was not a single fiber of my being that was shocked when Lauren announced she was doing “Where You Lead.” Come on, this girl is smack dab in the middle of the ABC Family demographic and probably spends her summer afternoons the way I often do – curled up watching the hijinks of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Lauren’s country swagger on the song was charming, and I didn’t dislike it as much as the judges seemed to. I have to say, though, that it still felt safe for her to go with this song. I want to see Lauren shake herself up a little more. She’s got the talent, and she knows she does. She just needs that confidence to take the same sorts of risks that James or Casey or even Haley are willing to take every week. Go all in, sweetheart. Your safety may not be a foregone conclusion much longer (although I suspect Haley will likely land in the bottom three this week rather than Scotty or Lauren – of course, just when I get to like her!).

6. Jacob Lusk – While I suspect Haley will reside on the bottom three tonight despite strong performances, my stronger suspicion is that this may be the end of Jacob’s Idol journey. I’m not sure anything he did last night was even remotely on the same level as what the other five performers did. His “Oh No, Not My Baby” was fun but largely forgettable outside of the ridiculous outfit he wore and the dance moves he threw in. (My sis was offended at the continued push for Jacob to move, accusing the judges of wanting a minstrel show from Jacob rather than a fully-realized performance.) When you factor in his weak duet with James that unfortunately closed the show, we’re left with an impression of Jacob that, honestly, isn’t too impressive or memorable. Jacob has never quite lived up to the promise of “God Bless the Child”. I could be wrong and all of the Naked Gun fans out there may vote in record numbers in honor of Jacob and James’s duet, but considering that James was most definitely the stronger half of that performance, it may be time for Jacob to step back into the choir.

Bottom three prediction: Jacob, Haley, and Casey (Oh, I hope not Casey because then he’ll go all “safe” and “boring” again. Fun Casey is finally back. Don’t send him away again with your inability to vote, America!)

Going home: Jacob.

All Apologies

2011-04-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

So I wrote a GREAT post about last night's Idol. I can't post from work, so I wrote it and intended to email it to myself so I could post it from home before tonight's results show. Guess who was in such a hurry to leave the building today that she forgot to send the email home with the blog post. Yup. This chick!

I'll post it tomorrow night, but to make sure I get my picks in, I predict the bottom three will be Jacob, Haley, and Casey. I think Jacob will be the one sent home.

You can read all of my reasoning tomorrow night.

Promise.

21st Century Idols

2011-04-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

Last night, the Idols tackled songs from this century. I know they were calling it “Songs from the last decade”, but technically, 2011 is a new decade, the first year of a new decade, so since I saw people singing songs older than four months, I am assuming Ryan was just reading the cue cards wrong.

Again, the judges showed some weak attempt at criticism, and the only real honesty came from Jimmy Iovine, whom I grow to love more and more every week. The fact that it’s becoming increasingly clear which of these kids he likes (Casey) and doesn’t like (Haley) charms me all the more. I am probably in the minority, too, in saying that I enjoyed the funny little film segments this week where the contestants sort of poked fun at each other’s quirks. It reminded me of that sort of fun spirit season one often had, and it does help to give these kids more character to see them in this silly sort of moments.

What I did NOT enjoy was the “let’s troop out our losers and make them sing” and then condescend to them by telling them America was probably regretting letting them go. Sure, Pia made a slight case for herself, but considering that she’s banging Mark Ballas and already appearing on Dancing with the Stars to perform next week, I’m not worrying about little Pia. As far as the others….ew. Would I rather have Karen or Ashton in this competition over, well, ANYONE still in it? No. I would even choose Haley (who you know I hate) over those two bland diva wannabes. Let’s save the “loser medleys” for the finale from now on, thank you very much.

Again, the Idols did a fine job last night. Their worst is probably better than a lot of performances we’ve seen at this point in seasons past. I mean, put any single one of these kids up against Nikki McKibben or Jasmine Trias, and well, there would be no contest. And yet, I rank….

1. James Durbin – This kid is a freakin’ showman! I mean, come on – that costuming? That entrance with a freakin’ DRUM CORPS? INSANE! Add to it a brilliant song selection in Muse’s “Uprising” and it’s becoming more and more likely that we could have a metal Idol come May. This kid just keeps raising the bar and then leaping over it with ease. He’s setting a standard, and the others really need to up their game to keep this kid from blowing them away.

2. Casey Abrams – The Casey I fell in love with a couple months ago is coming back. I thought last night’s performance of Maroon 5’s “Harder to Breathe” was pretty darn terrific with all of that growl and sexuality that makes Casey such a terrific performer.

3. Lauren Alaina – This is where things get a lot tougher because, to me, last night belonged to James with Casey running a comfortable second. Everyone else did fine, but they really didn’t leave the impression of James. Nor did they really seem to try. I don’t know why the others aren’t trying to match James’s performance level. Is it a lack of effort and creativity on their part or is there backstage workings that are giving James that unfair advantage? Are there shenanigans in the works? Hmmmm… Anyway, I thought Lauren did a fine job with Sara Evans’s “Born to Fly” – a perfectly serviceable country song. Not being a country fan, I struggle when she and Scotty go this sort of “real” country route in terms of trying to determine what is and is not a good performance. My sis pointed out last night that the difficulty with this country route is that the songs themselves aren’t often designed to really be a tremendous vocal showcase. I do agree with Steven that I would love to see Lauren tackle some Allison Kraus. Her music could give Lauren a stronger shot at creating a moment. I think, too, that some Dixie Chicks could be a good fit for her since Lauren’s spunk is often a bit reminiscent of that same spunk that can get Natalie Maines in trouble. Imagine Lauren doing “Goodbye Earl” or even the D.C. version of “Landslide.” As far as her confidence issues …. Lauren is 16. I know that girl. I work every day with that girl – that girl who is FILLED with talent but just doesn’t quite get what she’s packing. Give her time. Give her help. She’ll get there.

4. Scotty McCreery – First off, I kind of enjoyed Scotty’s “Swingin’” even though it was the kind of country song that normally makes me cringe. It was nice to at least see him go a little more uptempo and have a lot of fun. He seems like a sweet kid. Again, I know that kid. It was time, though, for judges to push him a little more, although I wish they’d done it sooner. Every week, they have complimented him on sticking to his country guns. Slapping him down now seemed a little disingenuous.

5. Haley Reinhart – Here’s the thing. If you have never heard Adele’s version of “Rolling in the Deep”, Haley’s performance last night wasn’t too bad. I appreciated that she reserved the growl until that first chorus (although it then came back for every other note thereafter, which really is starting to get on my nerves). If, however, you have heard Adele’s version, it was a pretty mediocre performance. Seriously, go listen to Adele right now. Do it! You’ll see how wrong the judges were in basically telling Haley that there were moments where she made them forget Adele. THERE IS NO FORGETTING ADELE!

6. Jacob Lusk – Okay, everyone, raise your hand if you were shocked that Jacob pulled out, like, the ONE Luther Vandross song released in this century. Yeah, me either. First of all, clearly the song meant something to Jacob. His tearing up during his session with Jimmy was quite moving. When it came time to the actual performance, though, I found Jacob quite mediocre. I don’t know what happened to Jacob, but lately, his heart just doesn’t seem to be as in it as it was in the beginning. Maybe the competition is wearing him down. It just feels like he’s not willing to push the way that he was when he tore the roof off the Kodak during Hollywood Week and that performance of “God Bless the Child.” If that Jacob could come back, he could have a shot at this thing. As it stands now, I feel like his weeks might be numbered.

7. Stefano Langone – Let me preface this all by saying that Stefano upped his game in terms of physical performance last night. He moved. He grooved. He gave a star turn. The unfortunate thing is that this star turn was to go with a song that was not particularly well sung. Ne-Yo’s “Closer” is not really a singer’s song. It’s a decent enough little jam, but there’s not really a great chance to showcase a voice. Think if Stefano had gone with some Raphael Saadiq (as suggested by EW) or Bruno Mars where he could have grooved and sung. I’m glad Stefano has become a scrapper the past couple weeks and is working to stay on this show, but as the weeks continue, his status as the weakest one left standing will sign his ticket home sooner rather than later.

It's More Than the End of an Era; It's the End of a Dream

2011-04-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

Secret confessions time...

When I was in high school, I had a dream. I told everyone I wanted to be a lawyer, and I set myself on that path with the certainty that would be my life. (Funny how paths take their turns.) Deep down inside, though, I wanted to be a writer. Not just any writer, mind you. I didn't really have dreams of books on shelves or anything like that. No, what I wanted to be was a soap opera writer. From a young age, I had been completely fascinated by soap operas. I loved the idea of telling this ongoing story that really had no real end. One chapter would close and another would begin immediately. I studied soap operas the way some people study nuclear physics. For a good portion of my teen years, I could tell you exactly what was happening on every soap opera on the air. (Thank you, Soap Opera Digest!) When summer came, I would decide who had the most promising summer stories lined up and would go with that show...and easily switch if the promise failed to come true. I had my favorite couples, my most loathed villains, and I was devoted to them all in ways that are maybe a little embarrassing to admit now that I look back. Like the day I played hookie from school so I could find out the test results of Kimberly Brady's paternity test on Days of Our Lives. Or telling the dean of my college I needed to leave because Megan Gordon Harrison was dying of lupus on One Life to Live. (Before Megan, I didn't even know what lupus was.) I had visions of getting on staff for a soap opera, toiling away at it for a couple years, and then branching out and starting my own soap opera. The chance to create characters and essentially usher them through an action-packed life was more incredible than I could even fathom.

As I've gotten older, my soap opera obsession has waned significantly. With the kind of work schedule I have, keeping track of the soaps has become harder. I've tried DVRing one or two, but it's hard to even find that hour every day and weekends aren't much better to try to play catch up. On breaks, yes, I will occasionally find myself tuning in to see what my old friends are up to.

Unfortunately, a lot of those old friends are now gone. CBS has cut its soap opera output in half, cancelling both Guiding Light and As the World Turns in the past couple years. Those were hard losses since those were the soaps that started it all for me, thanks to Mom and Grandma who were avid CBS soap fans. Thursday, ABC announced what seemed to me the unthinkable -- that it was cancelling both All My Children and One Life to Live. I said to my sis as we were driving home that afternoon, "The thought of a world without Erica Kane just seems wrong to me." After all, neither my sister nor I have EVER lived in an Erica Kane-less world. (Susan Lucci started playing the role in 1970. I was born in 1971, my sister in 1970.)

As of January 2012, there will only be four soap operas left on the air -- General Hospital, Young and the Restless, Bold and the Beautiful, and Days of Our Lives. That's it. There will likely be no new soaps to join them...ever. While all four shows have received extended renewals lately or verbal guarantees of long lives, one has to wonder how long the four can hold on in the face of what is clearly a shifting demographic trend in daytime television.

The fact is that daytime television is a dying breed. More and more people are out of the house during the day, and the people that are home have hundreds of channels offering whatever their hearts desire. The networks are no longer the only game in town, and soaps have suffered accordingly. Factor in, too, the fact that it is hard to stick with a genre that depends so crucially on loyalty and perseverance. It is a daily commitment to be a true soap fan -- five days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. That is hardcore. Add to that the fact that soaps take a leisurely approach to storytelling. Some stories play out over years, and when you have actors who have been on for decades, imagine the dedication to keep up with your favorite character. Americans just don't have that sort of dedication anymore. We are a fast food, MTV culture. We want our storytelling quick and easy, and that's something that the soap operas just can't give us anymore.

My hope is that soaps are able to stay afloat, that the four titans left standing are able to go on for decades more, and that this grand storytelling tradition doesn't die. Keep hope (and Hope) alive.

When Celebrities Taunt

2011-04-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

There are many things in my life for which I am enormously grateful. Near (if not at) the top of the list are the amazing friends I have made throughout the course of my life. When I went to college, I was lucky enough to fall in with a group of people who shared my sensibilities in many ways. They got my twisted humor and shared my sense of irony like no one before.

What follows is an example of that twisted humor. Please know that what I'm about to share may sound a bit, well, wrong, but know that for us, our humor often stems from a dark but good-hearted place. Really. I swear!

Okay....

A couple years ago, celebrities were seriously dropping like flies. Every time you turned on the news, we'd lost another legend. It was the summer we lost Michael, Farrah, Ed -- a sad time particularly for those of us for whom the arts are such a vital part of our existence. My friends and I grieved these losses. We did. And then the jokes started flying. A recurring joke involved wondering who would be next. This became a sort of, well, death pool as each of us picked a celebrity that we bet would die next. I, being the ever savvy one who reads Entertainment Weekly the way some people read the Wall Street Journal, picked Zsa Zsa Gabor. I'd read an article that she was having some pretty serious health issues, so I essentially gambled with a little "insider trading" and put my proverbial money on her.

Time went on. Zsa Zsa lived. And lived. AND LIVED. Every time she was admitted to the hospital, I would get an excited message from a friend about my victory being at hand. And every time, she emerged. Granted, she often emerged in worse condition, maybe missing a limb, but she emerged. It was like she was taunting me. Celebrities died around her, but Zsa Zsa persevered like some sort of deteriorating Hungarian vampire. Nothing seemed to stop her.

(Again, please note that this is intended as irony. I do not really WISH for this poor woman to die. I don't!)

Yesterday at the gym, I hopped on the elliptical. I like to listen to my iPod but watch the ticker on CNN so I can find out what is going on in the world while I've been educating tomorrow's leaders. Two items nearly knocked me off the machine and most definitely broke my stride. The first was the news that ABC is cancelling All My Children and One Life to Live, something I'll likely blog about within the next couple days after I've had a chance to deal with my shock and grief. The other was the following headline: "Zsa Zsa Gabor to become new mother at 94, husband says."

SON OF A BISCUIT!

You have got to be freakin' kidding me!

When I got home, I went to the CNN website to read the horrific details. Apparently, Zsa Zsa's husband, the very creepy and extremely shady Prince Frederic van Annhalt, is pursuing the creation of a child with Gabor via surrogate. Never mind the fact that Zsa Zsa is 94, Prince Fred is 67. Never mind the fact that the soon-to-be mother hasn't been able to walk in nearly a decade or that the duo have apparently had some pretty serious financial issues lately. Gee, that just seems like the perfect duo to raise a newborn child -- a legless old diva who has LONG surpassed her "sunset year" and her Social Security-eligible spouse (husband #9, by the way).

So not only is Zsa Zsa indestructible. Now she has to taunt me with her superior parenting, too?

Uncool, Zsa Zsa. Un...cool.

And really, really gross.

Of course, there is a very logical part of me that is horrified by this as well. How irresponsible is it for these two to even be considering this? What kind of life would this poor freak show of a child have? Sure, Annhalt could live to be 90 and be there for a couple decades, but what kind of stability can he give this child? What kind of parent can either of them honestly expect to be? I mean, I don't know if they offer a kid's menu at the early bird seating at most "fine" restaurants, and the handicapped and elderly parking at Little League games is shockingly minimal. This kid would have to go through life knowing that he was part of some really sick and weird science experiment, live a large portion of that life without his mother (who certainly won't live long enough to see the kid hit puberty...or even begin teething), and be the subject of humiliation and mocking at every corner. Can you imagine the field day the douchebags at TMZ would have with this kid? Can people be accused of child abuse and neglect before a child is even born?

Another article on CNN tells us that this is likely not going to happen -- and is probably impossible to boot. But the mere idea that this duo has even entertained such a notion is just another example of the belief that celebrities exist in their own imaginary world of delusion. And Zsa Zsa just may be the queen of the world.