Usher-ing in a New Idol

Last night was R&B night on American Idol. While many performers gave some pretty forgettable performances, there were a couple shockers as one "mediocre" Idol made the first real case that he could challenge the Mighty Bowersox, one powerhouse Idol fell with a crashing thud, and I considered a restraining order against Ms. Bowersox.

For the most part, Usher seemed like a relatively competent mentor, but anything is an improvement over Hannah Montana last week. I grew frustrated with the overabundance of talk coming from the judges since a lot of it boiled down to them arguing over who was giving the best advice. It's a wonder the kids' heads don't explode from the conflicting advice that they must sit through each week. For the most part, Simon was in the right more often, although I am not so sure Katie Stevens is a country artist. I know he's desperate to discover the next Taylor Swift, but Si-Si, Katie Stevens is NOT Taylor Swift.

Before I move onto my rankings, I'd also like to ask the producers to please stop with the backstage "Idol Cam" to usher us back in from commercial breaks. It's uncomfortable in some cases (seeing Siobhan skulk through the green room after being torn apart by the judges) and downright cheesy and self-indulgent in others (like whenever Mike grinned and posed for the camera). It's bad enough sitting through the weekly torture that is the group numbers. Please don't make us sit through this. Thank you.


1. Crystal Bowersox -- Last Thursday, I wrote the following: "I'd LOVE to hear her do Gladys Knight. Since Crystal is stalking me, I wouldn't be surprised to hear her tackle 'Midnight Train.'" Guess what Ms. Bowersox did last night . . . yup, "Midnight Train to Georgia." If I go missing, please send police to question Crystal Bowersox. Please. Crystal broke from her norm last night, setting aside the guitar to play piano a little and then singing on her own. Yes, it worked, but I agree with Simon that she shouldn't mess with a good thing. Bless him for defending her in the face of the other judges harping on and on about her personality issues and the need to change things. Crystal has a good thing going. It works for her. It sets her apart. This is the artist that she is and she will be, so stop making her dance your little puppet dances, Kara. (Additional props to Simon for telling her she should have 86'ed the backup singers. Those bitches attempted to drown out more than one performer last night and should have been kicked to the curb. It's American Idol, not American Back-Up Singers!)

2. Lee Dewyze -- Lee pulled away from the pack last night and made a real play for Crystal's throne with his rock-fueled, energetic performance of "Treat Her Like a Lady." It was the first time Lee's given solid evidence that he could be a potential challenger. His gruff mellowness, if that is such a thing, is appealing, and he's a talented kid. He's like a slightly dirtier Kris Allen, and maybe once we finally get smart and get Tim Urban off the show, he can score some more of the bubblegum voters.

3. Michael Lynche Thank you, Michael, for setting aside the grinning and pointing and jazz hands for a week and reminding us that you are actually a talented singer when you're not hiding behind the "Hooray for Everything" dance moves. Michael benefited the most, perhaps, from Usher's mentoring in that he stripped India.Arie's lovely "Ready for Love" down to its purest form and just sang. He connected with the song and respected the song to be enough without the grinning and pointing and kicking. (And shame on you, Kara, for not knowing this song!)

4. Casey James Casey's "Hold On, I'm Coming" was rockin' and infectious and fun. The problem is that he was outsung by the backup singers. Their mix was significantly higher than his, which meant he was often lost on the chorus of the song. Despite that, though, he gave a solid performance. The problem with Casey is that he's not a great singer; he's a potentially great musician. He really could, with some work, be the new Jonny Lang or Kenny Wayne Shepherd -- guys who are great musicians but not necessarily great singers. The problem is that the kind of fan base that a Lang or Shepherd (or even, dare I be so bold to say, Stevie Ray Vaughn) aren't the kinds of people who will necessarily embrace a dude from American Idol no matter how mean his guitar playing skills are.

5. Andrew Garcia I can't comment a lot on Andrew's performance as the only thing I know of or about Chris Brown is that he beats his girlfriends. I did like Andrew's performance despite not knowing the original. I'm glad that Andrew seems to be willing to put up a fight through this thing rather than just shrugging and giving up ala Paige Miles last week.

6. Katie Stevens I was really disappointed in Katie's choice last night. I really thought this would have been the perfect week for her to skew young and really showcase what kind of pop/R&B artist she could be since she claims that is what she sees for herself. Instead, she pulled out "Chain of Fools," a song that is 3 times older than Katie and a million times too mature for her. Come on, Katie! You're working the main stage on a cruise with shit like that. Grow a set and tackle something contemporary! Katie's performance was competent but it was like watching a precocious child entertain Mommy and Daddy's friends before being hustled off to bed so that the key party can start. And while we're talking outdated references -- Katie . . . the outfit? Seriously? A dull grey onesie over shiny, shiny black tights? Do they not have mirrors backstage? Sweetie, that was NOT flattering. When in doubt, break out a pair of jeans and a cute top. And lose the accessories.

7. Aaron Kelly Earlier this week, Entertainment Weekly printed a list of 20 songs that should be banned from Idol. I'd like to add "Ain't No Sunshine" to this list. First of all, it's a tough song. But more importantly, there have already been two, yes two, stunning, iconic performances of this song performed on the Idol stage. Season 1's Christina Christian gave her finest performance on the Idol stage with this song during 1970's week, a performance that briefly made her seem poised to present a real challenge to Tamyra Grey and Kelly Clarkson. And then there was last season's performance from Kris Allen during iTunes Download week. That was the first week where Kris really seemed like he could take down Adam Lambert . . . which he did. Aaron's version lacked the heart and passion of Christina and Kris and instead, again, seemed more like a kid performing for Mom and Dad's friends. Like Katie, I wish Aaron had picked something that skewed a little younger, because, sweetie, you're not going to become a superstar performing like that.

8. Siobhan Magnus Yes, I am ranking Siobhan in the bottom three this week. Let's be honest; her performance was a hot mess. From her selection of "Through the Fire" to her outfit, it was just not right. Not helping Siobhan was that she was the first singer, which often can lead to being completely forgotten. The judges were careful to point out that this week was a mis-step rather than a reason for her to be sent home. The truth is that Siobhan is still the strongest non-Bowersox performer in the show and losing her now would be a real blow to the competition. I just wish Siobhan had not gone such a staid route. I mean, it felt like the anthem from a bad 80's movie rather than a contemporary performance. I love that Siobhan had the nerve to tackle Chaka Khan, but why not "Tell Me Something Good" which would have allowed her to play a little more with her dark and funky side. And yes, Siobhan, let's retire the scream for a week and see what happens, 'kay?

9. Didi Benami Well, Didi did take my advice by performing "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?" I guess I had hoped she'd do a little re-imagining of it -- bringing out her guitar and giving it a delicate, folksy feel. Instead, she came out dressed like a refuge from a 1970's cruise ship and did a so-so karaoke take. She was overwhelmed musically by the song and the arrangement. The song served to shine a big, fat spotlight on not just the fragility of Didi's voice but the limitations of it as well. If Didi survives this week, which I'm worried she may not, I do hope that she goes back to that Cobie Callait vibe she was working back during Hollywood Week. If next week is Country Week (like I'm kind of thinking is the case based on Casey's promise to go acoustic next week), it would be great to see Didi take a Patsy Kline or Dolly Parton tune, strip it down, and go for it rather than doing this sort of Love Boat schtick. (Again, props to Simon for his dig at Dancing with the Stars and the poor performance skills of the singers on that show. Priceless!!)

10. Tim Urban Okay, this next post is for the girlies out there. Girls, I get it. Tim is adorable. He is! He has a face made for plastering on bedroom walls. If I were 20, 25 years younger, I would be crazy about that kid. But here's the truth of the matter, ladies . . . Tim is not a good singer. His performance of "Sweet Love" (yeah, seriously, dude sang "Sweet Love") was painful -- to us and clearly, judging from the look on his face, to him, too. He has no charisma to compensate for that lack of ability the way Sanjaya did. I'm also beginning to think the guy is either extremely arrogant or extremely stupid after watching him laugh through his entire critique last night. The judges kept giving him some pretty decent constructive advice and expressing their concern that he doesn't seem to be listening to things that could help him, and he just laughed. Either way, he needs to be sent home. Please, please, please, girls, do the right thing. Vote for Aaron. He's cute. Or how about Lee. That's the guy you'll fall for in college. Just please let Tim go.... for America!

Armchair Quarterbacking American Idol

My students are testing today (we just finished reading Of Mice and Men), so it leaves me with a little downtime -- the perfect opportunity to do a little surfing as spring break gets closer and closer. Having exhausted local car dealership websites as I debate whether now is the time to get rid of my Sebring before it needs any more costly repairs, I moved to American Idol and stumbled across this, a list of the songs from which the Idols will chose for next week's R&B themed performances.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooh!

As I looked through the list, I found myself thinking, "Oh! I hope Crystal tries that one. Oh, Lord, please let Katie Stevens keep her hands off that!"

So I decided to do a little armchair quarterbacking to list what songs I THINK the Idols should do next week. Feel free to agree or disagree . . . not that I think anyone is actually reading these Idol ramblings of mine.

Crystal Bowersox
"Let's Stay Together" (Al Green), "Chain of Fools" (Aretha Franklin), "Midnight Train to Georgia" (Gladys Knight and the Pips), "Dancing in the Streets" (Martha and the Vandellas), "People Get Ready" (The Impressions).
Crystal intimated to the judges that she had a "surprise" planned for Tuesday. My suspicion is that she's going for something a little more upbeat. "Dancing in the Streets" would be a good, upbeat number that would lend itself to her happy hippy vibe. (Check out the Grateful Dead doing that song.) Many of the others I've listed would also allow her to let loose a little more. I'd LOVE to hear her do Gladys Knight. Since Crystal is stalking me, I wouldn't be surprised to hear her tackle "Midnight Train." When this theme was announced last night, I worried for Crystal, but seeing this list makes me think that she'll be just fine.

Siobhan Magnus
"I Can't Stand the Rain" (Tina Turner), "Tell Me Something Good" (Chaka Khan and Rufus)
While Siobhan has tackled some classic R&B tunes before ("Think", "Superstition"), it is her rock performances that tend to stand out more. Siobhan is at her best when she goes dark, and either of these songs will let her go there. I think "Tell Me Something Good" is probably her best choice in that it's got a great groove that she can dirty up a little.

Didi Bemani
"Rainy Night in Georgia" (Brook Benton), "Georgia on My Mind" (Ray Charles), "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" (Jimmy Ruffin), "Mercy Mercy Me" (Marvin Gaye), "Just My Imagination" (The Temptations)
I think Didi is going to be in trouble next week. For starters, the theme doesn't necessarily suit her voice or style all that well. For another, am I the only one who found her a bit petulant and maybe even rude last night when she called the judges on the carpet for their contradictory advice? My sis is a firm believer that contestants who talk back to the judges (particularly Simon) are dooming themselves to bottom three territory at the very least if not outright elimination. It happened to the beloved Justin Guarini. He got a little sassy in season one and boom! He was in the bottom three. (His curls saved him from elimination, I suspect.) Kevin Covais got snippy with Simon. Boom! Gone the next week. I think Didi would do well to stay within her wheelhouse and tackle one of these soulful tunes that might lend themselves better to her note bending voice rather than come out and try to be a total diva. Her delicacy may save her. Or not.

Katie Stevens
"Umbrella" (Rihanna), "We Belong Together" (Mariah Carey), "The Boy Is Mine" (Brandy), "No One" (Alicia Keys)
Even though her Fergie cover landed her in the bottom three last night, Katie needs to stay contemporary and young to save herself from elimination. She claimed last night that she wanted to be a pop/R&B artist, so here's her chance. Granted, there's not a ton of contemporary stuff on the list (at least not that's well-suited for a 17-year-old girl), but any of these songs could be good for her. Also, they are a bit more upbeat, which may help breathe a little life in Katie who can seem a bit wooden onstage. "We Belong Together" would be my choice although I worry it's out of Katie's range. The kid needs to take some risks, though, if she wants to stick around for another week.

Mike Lynche
"I'll Make Love to You" (Boyz II Men), "Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing" (Marvin Gaye), "I Wish" (Stevie Wonder), "This Old Heart of Mine" (The Isley Brothers)
The big mystery of next week will be wondering who is going to show up -- the Big Mike capable of tearing our hearts out (ala "This Woman's Work") or the Big Mike who's pointing and cheesing it up and shucking and jiving his way around the stage (ala "Miss You"). My hope is that Mike takes the heart tearing route and chooses a slightly uptempo ballad. Yes, I recognize that any of these songs (particularly "I'll Make Love to You") have a lot of cheese potential, but done right (which I think Mike is capable of), they can be really moving.

Casey James
"Mustang Sally" (Wilson Pickett), "In the Midnight Hour" (Wilson Pickett), "Easy" (The Commodores)
I'm going to be really surprised if Casey doesn't do "Mustang Sally." Seriously, the guy is just a good ol' bar band dude, and is there a good ol' bar band out there that doesn't have "Mustang Sally" in its repetoire? Come on!

Tim Urban
"Don't Be Cruel" (Bobby Brown), "I Want You Back" (Jackson 5), "I Second That Emotion" (Smokey Robinson and the Miracles)
We have to think that Tim is probably in the most danger this week based on two consecutive weeks in the bottom three. At some point, his cuteness will no longer be enough to keep the votes coming in (and come on, we all know the reason Tim is still around is the fact that he's so damn cute!). I think he could probably do any of these songs justice . . . well, okay, maybe that's stretching things. He wouldn't totally suck at these songs. Well, okay . . . maybe . . . Fine! These are my suggestions.

Andrew Garcia
"Dock of the Bay" (Otis Redding), "Who's Loving You?" (Jackson 5), "Human Nature" (Michael Jackson)
I'm really at a bit of a loss for Andrew. We know he's going to go acoustic. There aren't a ton of songs that lend themselves to the acoustic treatment or even to an Andrew-style reinvention ala "The Song I Refuse to Mention from Hollywood Week." I think he could do a really lovely "Dock of the Bay." But at this point with Andrew, who knows?

Aaron Kelly
"Never Can Say Goodbye" (Jackson 5), "Higher and Higher" (Jackie Wilson)
Aaron is another tough one. He's had some good performances the past few weeks with ballads, but I think Aaron needs to youth-enize himself, too, to begin proving he could be the new Justin Bieber or the country Bieber I think he should try to be. He might be better off with some Chris Brown or Ne-Yo, but I'm not overly familiar with their work, so I'm going with these two more uptempo numbers with the caveat that Chris Brown or Ne-Yo might be a better option. How's that for playing it safe?

Lee Dewyze
"Rainy Night in Georgia" (Brook Benton), "I've Been Loving You Too Long" (Otis Redding), "Living for the City" (Stevie Wonder)
Poor Lee. I have to admit I keep forgetting that he's even on this show! Again, I imagine this week may be a struggle for him. I am reluctant to put "Living for the City" on this list since Taylor Hicks did such a memorable cover of that back in season five, but it's a song that could be well suited to Lee's gravelly tone.

Thoughts? (No hate mail when NONE of my predictions come true)

Superstar or Creeper?

Okay, guys, I have something a little uncomfortable to discuss with you. I've been debating whether to bring it up, but, well . . . here goes . . . . I think I'm being stalked. After last night's American Idol, I'm actually pretty sure I'm being stalked. I appear to have an obsessive fan who is going above and beyond to get my attention. Well, Miss Crystal Bowersox, it's working. You have my attention. I am flattered by your obsession and how you have gone above and beyond to get my attention. You shrewdly showed up on the Idol stage with your dreadlocks and lot-fresh look, making me wonder if perhaps I didn't once buy a goo ball from you in some parking lot long ago. But that wasn't enough for you. You needed insurance. So you started pulling out songs you were sure I would like -- "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." A little Alanis. A little CCR. Throw in some Tracey Chapman. Nice. Subtle. Not too over the top. No, over the top came last week when you decided to pull out the big gun and pick the song that is universally known to be my favorite song -- "You Can't Always Get What You Want." That started to make me feel a little uncomfortable. After last night, I'm downright scared. Crystal followed up her terrific performance from last week with an absolutely incendiary performance of my OTHER favorite song of all time "Me and Bobby McGee." Of ALL the Billboard #1's she could have picked, she picked that one. It was beautiful. It was powerful. It moved me to tears -- partly because I was afraid she was going to show up at my door with a plate of magic brownies. Okay, maybe THAT wouldn't be so bad.

In all seriousness, Crystal was absolutely amazing last night. There was Crystal and then there was everyone else. She was the only one who seemed to make a real case for being the next American Idol. She was the only one who seemed like a real star up there. And as a fan of the type of music Crystal seems to be peddling, I can't wait for her to start releasing her own work.

Other than Crystal, last night was a largely disappointing venture as even Siobhan seemed a little off. Maybe it was the influence of "mentor" Miley Cyrus (please don't get me started on that one!). There was little last night, though, that made me sit up and take notice once Crystal was done, but here are the rankings nonetheless.

1. Crystal Bowersox. DUH! And thank you, Simon, for basically telling Crystal she doesn't need to lose anything. Keep the guitar, keep the rug (which I just noticed this week -- has it always been there?) and keep rockin', sistah!

2. Siobhan Magnus I'm not sure that "Superstitious" was Siobhan's best choice, which, outside of Crystal, seemed to be the theme of the evening. For Siobhan, it just seemed that Stevie Wonder really didn't fit the artist she seems to be selling herself as. How do you go from that dark, alternative take on "Paint It Black" to Stevie? Wouldn't Siobhan have been better served with maybe "Nothing Compares 2 U" or Lisa Loeb's "Stay" or "I Kissed a Girl" or even "My Life Would Suck Without You"? I know that the Billboard charts aren't necessarily filled with alternative girls, but they weren't tied to the Hot 100. There is a Billboard "Modern Rock" chart from which she could have picked Siouxsie and the Banshees "Peek-a-Boo", Kate Bush's "Love and Anger", Concrete Blonde's "Joey", Tori Amos's "God", The Cranberries' "Zombie." All much better choices. Now, I know that even though we were told the Idols could pick ANY #1, they probably had a limited list from which to choose, but you can't tell me there wasn't something better suited to Siobhan than this one. And I will also add my voice to the chorus of people asking that Siobhan please stop screaming at the end of every song. Thanks.

3. Casey James Yet another lousy choice as Casey picked Huey Lewis's "Power of Love." Yeah, you read that right. Listen, Huey Lewis was old-fashioned in 1984; he's old-fashioned now. His music has not aged well and feels incredibly dated now. I thought maybe Casey would come out and really give the song a cool re-invention. Nope. Same horns. Same riffs. I felt like I needed to grab hold of someone's bumper and go skateboarding through Hill Valley. Again, let's play a "Why Not" for Casey. Instead of Huey Lewis and if Casey is so set on the 80s, what about some Don Henley? He could lend himself to a blues rock re-invention. Springsteen has surely had a couple number one tunes.

4. Lee DeWyze Lee chose "The Letter," which I actually didn't think was an awful choice. The problem for me, though, was the memory of the hot version of this that Michael Johns and Carly Smithson threw down a couple years ago. Lee's version seemed rather staid by comparison . . . a little on the loungey side, if you ask me.

5. Mike Lynche Mike bored me for the second straight week. If the judges are going to keep throwing "Straight Up" in Andrew Garcia's face, how much longer will it be before they start throwing "This Woman's Work" at Mike? Plus, can I be frank here for a second? Mike's "Sensitive Dude" angle is really starting to grate on me to the point where I kind of wonder if the guy is rocking a mangina down there. Mike chose "When a Man Loves a Woman", and it was really, really dull. It was competent but forgettable and totally cliche. And it brings me to a point that started to get on my nerves last night -- the fact that the contestants really seemed to be mired in the past. Outside of Katie Stevens, no one did a song originally released within the past 10 years. These are young people and they are singing songs significantly older than they are. Now, I know the argument would be, "That's because there's no good music anymore." Kinda true -- with some exceptions . . . take a listen to some contemporary radio and you may find a couple artists who are doing some cool stuff still. Honest! The thing is that these kids are attempting to inject themselves into the contemporary market ... by doing covers of songs that are older than dirt. As much as I love "Against All Odds" or "You're No Good" or "The Letter," these songs really don't have a ton of relevance in today's music market unless they are given a modern spin. These kids need to prove that they can sell records (or downloads), and I just don't see the market (particularly in the key demographics) rushing to download "Power of Love." And the older people who drive CD sales, well, we'll just go buy Huey Lewis's original rather than a pale imitation.

6. Aaron Kelly I believe I've mentioned on this blog before how much I dislike Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing." Well, I do ... I dislike it ... a lot. I love Aerosmith, but that song is just like nails on a chalkboard for me. So of course it would be performed last night by a contestant whose very presence is like nails on a chalkboard. Aaron did an okay job with a schlocky song. I do think Aaron would be smart to go a country route since I think he could be super marketable as a country teen idol -- a country Justin Bieber. There are a LOT of teen girls who love country music, based on the girls I work with, and they would love a cutie like this kid.

7. Katie Stevens Kudos to Katie for choosing a contemporary song in "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. I will say, though, that I have to agree with my sister that I would like to hear Katie's "real" voice. I have a hard time believing that this deep, smokey voice is coming from this girl. I still am not a fan, and I still think she needs more training than Miley Cyrus can offer, but she's safe for another week or two.

8. Didi Benami I have to admit that I actually LIKED Didi's version of "You're No Good." I get where the judges were coming from, particularly Simon's critique that it seemed very theatrical. I'm a theatre teacher; of course I'm going to love a performance like that! Yes, Didi could have picked something better suited to her -- "Stay," "Take a Bow" (the Madonna version), maybe taken a look at the Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac offerings again, or even tried a different Linda Ronstadt song. I kind of worry that Didi is in danger of bottom three territory tonight, which would be unfortunate because I think the girl has a mighty performance in her, and I'd like to see it and I do think there were others worse than she was.

9. Andrew Garcia Poor Andrew. He will forever be dogged by the ghost of MC Skat Kat for having the balls to perform "Straight Up" so well during Hollywood Week. He created a tremendous buzz and has yet to live up to it. He took on "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" last night and it was just kind of dull. I give him props for putting the guitar down, but there was just nothing all that interesting about his performance. Totally in danger tonight.

10. Tim Urban Same for Tim who made a really bad choice in Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," a song which was intentionally dated when it came out. Wouldn't it have been nice if Tim had come out and done something like "Hey There Delilah". Jesus, even some Nelson would have been better than this.

11. Paige Miles What is going to save Tim and Andrew and Didi from elimination, though, is Paige. Oh, Paige! First of all, PHIL COLLINS?!?!???? "Against All Odds" is a great song, but it was totally out of her range, forcing her voice to dip down into some really scary places. And seriously, who chooses Phil Collins? This girl has to know she's vulnerable -- she was in the bottom two last week. This was the time to kick out the jams, to really show her stuff and prove to America why she's the artist they want playing on their radios all summer long. Paige is a Michael Jackson fan. Why not tackle one of his songs? Why not try Janet Jackson? Or Rihanna? I admire her for not tackling a big gun like Whitney or Mariah, but what about Toni Braxton? Beyonce? Heck, I'd even say Alicia Keys. Prove your marketability, prove you can hold you own on the charts with the women who are dominating them right now. Don't pull out a 25-year-old ballad by a balding British man and then have the audacity to sing it so poorly that it's being labelled one of the worst Idol performances ever. EVER! Unless America decides to throw the biggest pity party ever, I suspect it's Paige who will be packing her bags tonight ... and not for the summer tour.

I Got SOME Satisfaction

Let's start off with one thing: I freakin' love the Rolling Stones. I would say they are one of my top five favorite bands of all time. So when I heard that the first theme night of American Idol this season would be the music of the Rolling Stones, I was both pumped and nauseous. To be honest, we all know that this season of Idol has been mediocre thus far at best (with a couple exceptions), and I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the sure mangling some of my favorite songs were about to face. And of course the big question: would any singer have the cojones to tackle "Harlem Shuffle"?

Last night wasn't as much of a train wreck as I was expecting, but outside of two performances, nothing really stuck with me. By the end of the show, I had a hard time remembering what some people had even performed. Not a good sign, right? The little I've read from other bloggers seems to be in line with what I'm thinking -- this has become a two-woman race with everyone else scrambling for scraps. That could all change next week (or in weeks to come), but for now, this show belongs to Crystal Bowersox and Siobhan Magnus. Both hit it out of the theatre last night with confident, engaging performances that were miles above anyone else.

The rankings:

1. Siobhan Magnus -- Holy cow! This girl is the shit! Her version of "Paint It Black" was mesmerizing, powerful, and entertaining. I nicknamed her "Girlbert" last night in that she plays the dynamics and drama of music the way that Adam Lambert did -- and she can scream without sticking out her damn tongue! She's a gorgeous combination of Tori Amos, Margo Timmins, and Dolores O'Riordan...but with an edge. And her geeky glasses make me love her even more. Out of sight! I can't wait to download this song and BLAST it on the ol' ipod!

2. Crystal Bowersox -- My girl got not only the pimp spot but she also played my favorite song of all time -- "You Can't Always Get What You Want." The judges were slightly withholding of great praise, instead accusing Crystal of getting lazy and seeming like she thinks she "has this in the bag." I've never gotten that perception of her. If anything, the JUDGES have been acting like Crystal has it in the bag. Maybe they think calling her out on that is doing her a favor and activating her fan base. To me, it seemed like they were accusing her of arrogance and that it might end up doing her more harm than good. (How adorable was Papa Bowersox when he started choking up remembering the song Crystal sang to him?) I thought it was incredibly gracious of Crystal to acknowledge that Siobhan probably took the night, but Crystal did put up a good fight and made it clear that it's a battle between these two amazing, original woman.

3. Didi Benami -- Yeah, I'm still on the Didi train. I still see a lot of potential in her. I thought her "Playing With Fire" was lovely. In other seasons, she'd probably be middle of the pack, but once Siobhan and Crystal are taken out of the mix, I think Didi was probably the best of the night.

4. Casey James -- Casey was right on Didi's heels, though, with a cool kind of country-blues take on "It's All Over Now." (It does smell a little like shenanigan spirits, though, that they were given the option of doing a Rolling Stones COVER instead of a Rolling Stones original. Just saying . . .) I thought the comparisons to Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Jonny Lang were pretty on target, although I think Casey still lacks the grit and soul that Shepherd and Lang have. He's kind of like the Great America salute to Kenny Wayne Shepherd -- competent, engaging, but ultimately too scrubbed down to really be a bluesman.

5. Michael Lynche -- Yeah, I'm putting Big Mike lower this week. I suspect if I went back and watched over again, Mike's performance may have been better than Casey or Didi's. But here's the thing . . . about 30 minutes after his performance (while the show was STILL GOING ON), I could not for the life of me remember what Mike had performed. Seriously. His "Miss You" was completely forgotten. And that's not a good sign. I continue to worry about Mike's cheese factor. He takes his mannerisms so over the top at times that it's painful. My sis takes it even further and accuses Mike of essentially becoming a minstrel -- forcing himself into the role of the R&B man that the judges so desperately seem to want even though he has the talent to take chances and tackle some more rock-heavy music.

6. Lee Dewyze -- Yes, Lee continues to stir controversy Chez Mel, although I did get my sis last night to admit that he seems like a nice guy and not the roofie-packing date rapist she'd said he resembles. His "Beast of Burden" was decent enough. I like the little growl in his voice. My sis finds it lazy. She thinks he's in danger. I think he's good enough to stick around a bit longer. We'll see who's right.

7. Aaron Kelly -- Yeah, the shocker of the night. Aaron was pretty decent. Sure, he picked one of the safest choices in "Angie." He gave it a little country spin that worked well. He was in tune. He's cute, I guess. I still don't like him, but I have to begrudgingly put him here because he did a decent enough job . . . even if it should have been Alex Lambert standing on that stage last night instead.

8. Andrew Garcia -- Oh, Andrew. How the mighty have fallen! Just a few weeks ago, I labelled Andrew as the men's best hope for success this season. Now, he's ranked in the bottom half and is falling fast. His choice of "Gimme Shelter" was brave. It's probably the hardest song in the Rolling Stones catalog. It is a powerful song that grabs you by the gut for a solid four and a half minutes and won't let go. It is a mighty song of social activism that found a way to blend power chords and a railing against social injustice like no song before. I mean, it has a chorus that screams, "Rape! Murder! It's just a shot away!" WOW! And Andrew came out and did this kind of blissed-out, mellow performance that undercut everything Jagger and Richards intended this song to be. I am totally with Kara on this one. If you're going to sing a song like "Gimme Shelter," you have GOT to feel it. Andrew let the song down last night in a big way. If he were sent home tonight, I would honestly not be all that shocked. I do think that the four people ranked below him were worse, but I wonder if they might not have powerful enough fan bases to keep them alive a little longer.

9. Paige Miles -- So is Paige a country singer now? Her "Honky Tonk Women" had a definite country feel to it (and yes, the song has the same feel, I know). I thought it was an odd choice -- to pick one of the most masculine of the definitely masculine Stones songs and then turn it into a female song. "I'M a honky tonk woman?" Really?? It was okay enough, though. The real question here is whether Paige will be "punished" for stealing a spot in the top 12 that most people don't seem to think she deserves. Again, can you imagine what Lilly or Katelyn would have done last night? What kind of challenge could the two of them have posed to the Crystal-Siobhan juggernaut? Since we can't vote AGAINST performers, that may keep Paige safe for a little longer. Or not.

10. Tim Urban -- Tim's in trouble. No doubt. To be quite honest with you, I kind of liked his sort of reggae-fied version of "Under My Thumb." Of course, I also have an ipod loaded with Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz, so take that comment for what it's worth. Tim's no dummy. Tim has to know he probably should be home right now, but I applaud him for being self-aware enough to come out and not try to emulate Mick Jagger, to stay within his own wheelhouse as best he could. Perhaps his mellow vibe would have worked better with a different song rather than "Under My Thumb," but bless the kid for taking some chances. The fact that he's also super adorable may get the tweens voting enough to keep him around.

11. Katie Stevens -- Oh, what a surprise! Katie sang "Wild Horses." Oh, what a surprise! Katie sounded like she was auditioning for Star Search . . . or the Miss Teen USA pageant. Zzzzzzzzz. Here's my big question: with her family in the audience rooting her on, who's home taking care of Grandma with the Alzheimer's?

12. Lacey Brown -- I have come to loathe Lacey Brown. I think her voice is totally affected. I think her performance skills are shoddy. I think that she's a closet bitch. (Seriously, look at her face when she's given any sort of criticism. She has laser eyes!) I thought her performance of "Ruby Tuesday" was painful -- showing no sense of emotion or dynamics and I hated the way she changed up "Still I'm gonna miss you." LAME. Please, America, let's send Lacey home where she can continue shopping for glittery leopard print tops and start auditioning for the Golden Girls musical. PLEASE!

I kind of feel like Lacey is/should be headed home. I know that surprises are always plentiful, though, on Idol, so who knows? Next week, my spring musical will be over, and perhaps there will be a surprise in store. Stay tuned.

The Dirty Dozen

(Have I used that title before? Probably. Aw, who cares?)

The top 12 contenders for the American Idol title were revealed last week. There were some major shockers, some questionable choices, and the general season that this year may not be as strong as initially hoped. There are definitely several people that stand no chance of continuing on, and I'm not sure I really see any Idols who have the potential to enjoy Clarkson/Underwood kids of record sales or Lambert-esque media buzz. I could be wrong, but I still worry we're looking at a Taylor Hicks kinda season.

I'm going to put myself out on a limb here and rank the Idols. A lot of this is based on my personal preferences more than who I actually think will win, but wouldn't it be cool if I were in sync with American tweens and their speedy texting fingers? No, it probably wouldn't....

1. Crystal Bowersox -- Yes, I worry that America may not be ready for a hippie mama blues singer to be American Idol, but there's no denying that Crystal is probably the best singer in the competition. I wonder how she will handle theme weeks and I worry that the acoustic guitar vibe will eventually become tiresome for American tween attention spans, but I suspect that Crystal will likely gain a big adult following and may get the same kind of bump from those adults as David Cook got two years ago.

2. Siobhan Magnus -- Siobhan seems little more open to mixing things up, and damn, I love the quality of that girl's voice. Again, I wonder how she'll fare during theme weeks, but I have a suspicion she may hold her own better than Crystal. I mean, this is a girl who has gone from "Wicked Game" to "Think" to "House of the Rising Sun." My big concern for Siobhan is that Simon doesn't seem to like her all that much.

3. Mike Lynche -- In a season without a truly obvious frontrunner, Mike is probably the closest thing following his gorgeous take on "This Woman's Work" last week. Mike has settled into an R&B vibe following his not-particularly-well-received take on Maroon 5 in the first week. How is he going to handle Country Week? I also think his voice is just not as interesting as Siobhan and Crystal's and his tendency towards cheesy performance moves may prove grating after another week or so.

4. Andrew Garcia -- The general perception is that Andrew squeaked by Alex Lambert to make it into the top 12. He came in at the head of the pack but has struggled to emerge from the shadow of his legendary Hollywood Week performance of "Straight Up." I still love Andrew's vibe and the way he reimagines pop songs. I am pulling for him to stay alive long enough to prove some versatility and create another great watercooler moment.

5. Didi Benami -- I am probably being overly optimistic placing Didi this high on my list, but her performance of "Rhiannon" last week reminded me why I had initially placed her as #1 on my list before the semi-finals started. She has a lovely tone to her voice and could have a nice little career in today's market full of Cobie Callaits and Ingrid Michaelsons. Again, proving her versatility and controlling her nerves will be her biggest challenges.

6. Lee Dewyze -- The most controversial figure in the top 12, at least at Chez Mel. I love Lee's gravelly voice. My sister thinks he looks like a guy who carries roofies on him at all times -- just in case. I think he has the potential to pull some David Cook kinds of tricks out of his bag, though, and he may keep the show exciting.

7. Casey James -- Casey is cute, I get it. But he's also kind of dull. I don't know that he will be able to do as well when he's swimming in co-ed waters. Crystal and Didi do a much better job at that guitar-strumming vibe. One bad week, and Casey will be gone.

8. Tim Urban -- Tim snuck his way into the semi-finals, and he snuck his way into the top 12. Yes, he had a great performance last week with "Hallelujah," but the truth is that he probably should not be here -- not when Alex Lambert is home crying into his pillow. Tim's cuteness will probably allow him to sneak onto the Idol tour, but that's about the extent of it.

9. Lacey Brown -- Once upon a time, I thought Lacey could be a contender. Now, I find her boring and affected. She's a stronger singer than the three listed below her, but America will most likely not put up with her kewpie doll voice and stupid smile very long.

10. Katie Stevens -- Katie most definitely should not be in the top 12, now when Lilly Scott and Katelyn Epperly are not here. Katie has a nice voice; the problem is that she's boring. We have long moved past the days of clean cut, peachy keen Idols. Heck, we've never had a clean cut, peachy keen Idol. Even Kelly Clarkson had an edge to her voice. Carrie Underwood was clean cut, but again, listen to her voice. Katie may make the tour, but I can't see her lasting too long beyond that.

11. Paige Miles -- Paige should not be here. I know Simon keeps saying she has the best voice in the competition, but when are we going to hear that? We definitely haven't yet. Her "Smile" last week was a total travesty -- a butchering of a beautiful song. How she made it to the top 12 is beyond me, but I really can't see her "charm" lasting much longer.

12. Aaron Kelly -- Aaron should not be here. His performance of "I'm Already There" last week was painful. He's yet to have a moment of pure "wow" and I'm not sure the kid has such a moment in him. Like Haeley Vaughn and Katie Stevens, Aaron really could use another year or two of pure vocal training to work out some of the flaws that he has. He would be better off spending the summer in such training than hitting the road. I shudder to think what he'll do with the Rolling Stones, but I suspect it will be bad enough to send him home quickly as the tweens will likely cast their votes for the far cuter Tim Urban.

The Men of Idol Court Mel...

.... by pulling out a variety of my favorite songs.

Yup, more than once I let out an audible groan before a performer began singing when his choice for the night was announced and I realized that he would be performing a song that I adore. Ray LaMontaigne's "Trouble"? Check. Leonard Cohen/Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah"? Check. Queen's "Somebody to Love"? Check. Kate Bush/Maxwell's "This Woman's Work"? CHECK! For the most part, I wasn't horrified by the treatment my favorite songs received but wasn't particularly dazzled until . . . until . . . until . . . .

Okay, let's just address the elephant in the room (and that's not a comment on the size of the performer in question here) and just get to the rankings.

1. Mike Lynche -- As Mike began his song last night, I was ready to hate. I absolutely love "This Woman's Work." It's one of those songs that frequently move me to tears, particularly if I'm listening to Kate Bush's version. Mike hit those initial falsetto notes, and I admit that I rolled my eyes a little. I am a Big Mike fan, but I just didn't think he had it in him to do this song justice. By the middle of the performance, though, I had tears streaming down my face. I literally felt like I was watching the birth of a star. It was a powerful, powerful performance. And I loved that look of confidence on Mike's face at the end when he turned to face the judges. As a performer, you KNOW when you've hit it out of the ballpark and it's an exhilarating feeling and at that point, faked humility would have been just that -- fake. Last night was the first time I thought that there was a chance for a guy to win this after all.

The problem is that Mike may be the ONLY guy with a chance to win this. As Alan Sepinwall wrote last night, there was Big Mike and then there was everyone else. And sadly, everyone else was only moderately impressive. I have no idea who may be in danger tonight -- I could see any one of the seven other guys hitting the bricks as any impact their performance may have had was shattered the second Big Mike took the stage. But here are my kind of gut responses to how they panned out.

2. Casey James -- I don't know that Casey's performance of Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me" was particularly interesting. My sis said it was a bit karaoke (good karaoke, but karaoke nonetheless). I appreciated his mellow vibe, and I think he's got a marketability about him that will do him well regardless of how he ends up. (I mean, Bucky Covington has a decent recording career, so that means anyone can!) I do think Casey is heading for the big stage, though, based largely on the fact that he seems like a nice guy, he's very attractive, and he's really the only one rocking a good country-rock vibe that America likes to reserve a spot for in the top 12. (See Josh Gracin, Bucky Covington, Michael Sarver, etc.)

3. Alex Lambert -- Alex tackled a favorite of mine -- "Trouble." It was a competent performance. The problem I had with it (outside of his hair) was it felt a little clean. It was like a puppy playing guard dog. Listen to LaMontaigne's performance and there's a grit and growl there that was lacking in Alex's performance. Again, though, it was competent and he is likable and so I think his spot in the top 12 is pretty secure at this point.

4. Andrew Garcia -- I worry for Andrew. I personally liked his stripped down, acoustic re-imagining of Christina Aguilara's "Genie in a Bottle." Was it as memorable as his "Straight Up"? Oh, God, no! However, I think it's a bit unfair to continually hold Andrew to that standard. Last night, he did pretty much what the judges told him to do -- he took a cheesy pop hit and turned it into a groovy guitar jam. The unfortunate thing is that "Genie in a Bottle" is not quite as strong of a song as "Straight Up." There were no real vocal challenges there. I wish he'd maybe gone for something like "Baby One More Time" or "Oops I Did It Again" or (if he's dead set on Christina Aguilara) "Come On Over" -- great pop songs that would offer a little more musically.

5. Lee Dewyze -- It wasn't the strongest way to open the show, and I worry for Lee, too. "Fireflies" is a catchy little tune if you hear it on the radio (or catch it on pre-dawn VH1, which is how I discovered the song during speech season), but there was no real wow there. Going first probably hurt Lee, too. I mostly rank him in my top 6 to get another dig in at my sis who has decided she loathes the guy -- right down to the "douchey" way he spells his name.

6. Tim Urban -- Talk about improvement. Urban's "Hallelujah", again, was flawed in that it was too clean at times, but the kid is a fighter. He has been bloodied over and over again by the judges, but when it mattered most, he proved he's in it to, well, maybe not win it but at least make it into the top 12. I think this kid is the little engine that could and will keep chugging along for another week or two before the quality of competition (and having to go up against the far superior ladies) will do him in.

7. Todrick Hall -- The relative competence of the others last night makes me think that Todrick Hall will be the next victim of the Idol Ethnic Cleansing going on this season. It's not that Todrick's "Somebody to Love" was bad. It was okay. The problem, to me, is that Todrick doesn't always seem particularly likable. America likes their Idols charming and humble (which would explain Kris Allen beating Adam Lambert, Jordin Sparks beating Blake Lewis, Ruben Studdard beating Clay Aiken, etc.) And then, of course, Simon brings out the "musical theatre" card and that kind of seals poor Todrick's fate. (Although, as my sister pointed out, there hasn't been an Idol more theatrical than Adam Lambert and Simon practically bl, well, loved that guy a lot!)

8. Aaron Kelly -- And then we have Aaron. I really found his performance of "Already There" kind of dull. And I totally got where Kara was coming from -- the song was too big and too old for the kid. And it's not like Simon hasn't made similar charges. How many times has he questioned a kid for singing a big love song? Aaron is not ready for the big Idol stage, and he needs to be sent home more out of mercy than anything else. Like Katie Stevens, I am sure there are thousands of high school musical directors who would kill to get their hands on that kid. Hell, I'm loading the rifle right now!

I'm Running Out of "Lady" Puns

We're down to the wire -- the last semifinal performances before the top 12 are assembled and paraded in front of us each week to be picked off one-by-one until a champion is announced amidst confetti, tears, and bad, bad victory songs (preferably NOT written by Kara DioGuardi). Several ladies made a strong case for their inclusion in the top 12 and one was prematurely crowned by Simon (of all people). Of course, a couple also made it clear why they should be sent home and sent home immediately.

Here's how they ranked (in my not so humble opinion):

1. Crystal Bowersox -- There's really not much to say about Crystal. She is awesome. Her performance of "Give Me One Reason" was captivating, interesting, and fun. Simon told her this competition was hers to lose, and at this point, I think he's right. She's the only one with any real buzz. The concern, though, is that America tends to reject the anointed. We did not give victory finales to Tamyra Grey, Chris Daughtry, Latoya London, Melinda Doolittle, Adam Lambert, David Archuleta. We tend to root for the underdogs. Granted, Crystal is so "anti-Idol" in her image that being the frontrunner may not tarnish her in the eyes of America. Here's hoping because, damn, that girl is freakin' special.

2. Siobhan Magnus -- Speaking of freakin' special, I love me some Siobhan Magnus. I love that dark, indie quality of her voice. I found her "House of the Rising Sun" absolutely haunting. I cannot wait to download that girl onto my ipod!

3. Didi Benami -- Let's call it a comeback. After two really unspectacular weeks (that followed a pretty darn spectacular Hollywood week package), my former frontrunner came back in a blaze of acoustic guitar. Her "Rhiannon" was a nice reminder of what got her here -- a stripped down, acoustic performance that was heartfelt and engaging. I hope it's enough to save Didi because I would really love to see more of that kind of work for the next couple weeks.

4. Katelyn Epperly -- Her performance of Carole King's "I Feel the Earth Move" wasn't particularly memorable or even all that exciting, but Katelyn's singing has grown on me since last week's "The Scientist." The problem with Katelyn is that I sense she might be a bit of a stank bitch. Maybe it was her look of confusion when Randy told her she had Carole King hair. (Bitch didn't seem to know who Carole King was.) Or maybe it was the stank look on her face during Crystal's performance. Katelyn may very well be one of those unfortunate girls who are very sweet but are cursed with perpetual BFS (Bitch Face Syndrome -- I've had students with that problem, and it's truly heartbreaking to see!). Her body of work during the semifinals are enough right now for me to over look the BFS, but I may not be so forgiving when she hits the top 12. (And she really should, right?)

5. Lilly Scott -- I love Lilly's voice, but I was underwhelmed with last night's performance of "I Fall to Pieces" which ended up feeling very gimmicky and more Megan Corkery than Idol worthy. I also have a hard time getting past my sister's insistence that Lilly looks like a cross between the albino from The Princess Bride and the Chicken Lady from Kids in the Hall. I worry about the lack of versatility Lilly has shown thus far, but I still have a hard time picturing the top 12 without her.

6. Lacey Brown -- Speaking of gimmicky voices . . . Lacey has just started to irritate me like crazy. Maybe it's that her voice feels like a horrific affectation. Maybe it's that perma-grin she sports in performance. Maybe it's her lousy song choices. I was underwhelmed by last night's choice of "The Story." It just was kind of dull. Sadly, though, I think there were two worse performances, which could earn Lacey a trip to the top 12...and maybe a spot on tour considering how weak the men are this year.

7. Katie Stevens -- Oh, Katie. If you walked into auditions for the high school musical here, I would be beside myself with joy. You have a lovely voice, and you seem so very sweet and determined. You just don't belong on American Idol with the potential of earning a recording contract. Your "Breakaway" was serviceable but dull. You're out of your league here, kiddo. Maybe the best thing would be for you to head home to Grandma and audition for some local theatre gigs. Trust me -- they will love you!

8. Paige Miles -- And now we get to our vomit inducing portion of the night. I was kind of rooting for poor Paige after last week's edition of Idol Ethnic Cleansing. (Props to Jesse Tyler Ferguson for tweeting that last week and "letting" me steal it!) It's hard to imagine Idol without a good diva, and I think the judges really wanted Paige to take that role. And then she comes out and warbles her way through Charlie Chaplin's "Smile" (which is one of the most beautifully heartbreaking songs ever written). Rather than attributing her warbles to nerves or the fact that the song itself is so moving, Paige blamed.....Michael Jackson. Her grief over the loss of MJ apparently made her so emotional while singing. Yeah, I couldn't MAKE that up. Bye bye, Paige. You can blame the King of Pop for a lot of things but NOT for a crappy Idol performance.