Saturday, May 30, 2009

Summer Ennui

I have a sort of love-hate relationship with this time of year. Early summer is filled with a sort of ennui for me as I wait for the school year to end and figure out what direction my summer will take.

It probably doesn't help that the past several weeks have been filled with a lot of grief and stress. I'm finding it difficult to begin the process of living a life without my mom in it. On an almost daily basis, I think to myself that I want to call Mom for help or advice or just to tell her some funny little something -- and then I remember that I can't and the grief of losing her becomes fresh all over again.

Perhaps if there were some good distractions to take my mind off it all. Work has slowed down to the point of almost nothingness as my students spend their time in my classes working on final projects with little to no actual "teaching" going on. My classroom time has been spent trying to get my classroom organized for next fall -- purging unused files, organizing books, etc. It occupies time but doesn't offer the challenges that actually teaching does.

I get home and the ennui becomes worse. There's precious little on television to help pass the time. I've been reading, which helps, but it makes conversation with my sis a bit more challenging than I'd like.

I know that eventually the summer will really kick into gear (Phish is just weeks away) and I'll have precious little time to be bored, but for right now . . . . .

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