Two Douches and a Candid Brit (Who's Breaking My Heart)

1. Many of you have perhaps seen former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich's latest stroke of genius -- claiming that he was "blacker than Obama." A total bonehead comment to make, but not surprising coming from Rod "I Didn't Do It" Blagojevich. When he's not painting himself as a victim or an unsung hero, he's lashing out at anyone and everyone. If I were to make a list of real-life douchebags, Blago would be pretty near the top. And then something dawned on me last night. I was curled up watching an old episode of The Office. Michael Scott made a rather racially insensitive comment, looked around, and said, "It's okay because that's how they talk in the movies." Suddenly I realized that Rod Blagojevich is a real-life Michael Scott. On tv, Michael is lovable and harmless because he's a sitcom character played by Steve Carell. In real life, Michael Scott would be a nightmare with his neediness and his insensitivity and his inability to pick up clear social cues. The only real difference between the two (outside of the fictional/non-fictional thing) is that Michael Scott hasn't broken any laws (allegedly) . . . yet.

2. My excitement over the start of American Idol tonight was somewhat dampened yesterday when it was announced that this would be Simon Cowell's final season. This was a blow, friends. One of the reasons why I started watching the show in the first place was the commercials that trumpeted this nasty Brit who was willing to speak the truth, no matter how painful. One of the things that kept me coming back was my love for Simon. With Simon's exit, we are going to be left with Randy "Useless" Jackson and Kara "Writer of Pap Songs Oh Wait Except for 'Ain't No Other Man'" DioGuardi. And Ellen. Who knows how Ellen will fare at the table -- my hopes are guarded at best. I am concerned, though, that this may be the end of Idol unless the producers take the advice of my hero Michael Slezak at ew.com and shake things up a little. Bring in a judge (or two) who is both honest and "hip." Give us more of the good stuff and less of the bad. (I'm dreading the next couple weeks of American Idol: The Freak Show.) And, um, while they're at it, could Randy Jackson please be sent packing. Give the show a fresh start with a fresh slate of judges who know their shit and aren't afraid to say it. Kara started off so well during auditions (remember her battle with the vile Bikini Girl?) and then promptly because a fuzzball (perhaps in response to reaction that she had been too harsh?) full of pat cliches ("you got the chops") and malapropisms (not to mention her inability to count). My gut reaction to Cowell's announcement was that this could be the end of my relationship with Idol, but we've broken up before only to reconcile, so I'm not counting us out yet. This love is real, folks. It's deep and genuine and twisted and abusive and real.

3. The whole Leno thing . . . sigh. Is it just me or does Jay Leno seem like another example of a real life douche? I don't know the whole behind-the-scenes thing, but it does seem to me like he's the one coming out of this with the worst reputation. He managed to rebuild his rep for many people (not me) after screwing Letterman out of The Tonight Show back in 1992. Now, it seems as if the seemingly affable Conan O'Brien is his next victim. To me, Leno has always seemed like a manipulative ingrate (the guy didn't even bother to recognize Johnny Carson the night he took over the show) who is not funny, not particularly likable, and willing to stab whoever he needs to if it insures he gets what he wants. I rarely if ever watched him when he took over for Carson. I will absolutely not watch him now. I hope that Jay's 10:35 ratings suck as badly as his 9:00 ratings do, and I hope that Conan musters up the courage to tell NBC to take a flying leap and finds a job where he will be appreciated. This is a step in the right direction. Ginger Power, Coco!!

PS -- This is even better. Fight the power, Coco! (PPS -- Will you marry me? Seriously -- the beautiful, smart, funny, oddball ginger kids we would produce would one day rule this world!)