An Open Letter to My Beloved

Dear American Idol,

You and I have been through a lot together. We've weathered many, many storms. Our relationship started, I admit, as a joke. I watched to mock and found myself falling in love. Even in those early days, though, our relationship could be rocky. I remember the frustration I felt that summer evening when Tamyra Grey was sent packing and Nikki McKibben was allowed to stay, but I comforted myself with the thought that now I wouldn't have to choose between Tamyra and Kelly, confident knowing that now Kelly had a clear path to victory (and she did). I've often been frustrated by your hypocrisy -- forcing Frenchie Davis to quit the show over nude photos but allowing multiple contestants with criminal records to stick around and allowed the skanky Antonella Barba to continue on despite her own lewd photos. I even tried to leave you, boycotting the show for nearly a year after Melinda Doolittle was eliminated in the semifinals. But I always kept coming back because, at the end of the day, I thought you believed like I did, that it was about finding and celebrating talent and helping kids who otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to find pathways to music careers.

I realized something last night, though, as I watched Lee Dewyze being rewarded for an anemic, uninspired finale performance by being crowned American Idol. Sure, I could lay some of the blame at the feet of Idol itself. The judges spent weeks pimping Lee, ignoring flaws in performances -- who could blame people for thinking he was the better overall performer? (He wasn't.) The show allows for the deluge of phone calls and texting rather than limiting votes the way a show like Dancing with the Stars does. The show continues to saddle the performers with old-fashioned music, a fact made even more painfully obvious last night with the guest appearances by Alice Cooper, the Bee Gee's, Michael McDonald, Christina Aguilera, Hall and Oates, Alanis Morissette, Bret Michaels, Chicago, Janet Jackson, and Joe Cocker. Only ONE of those performers has had a top 40 hit in the past 10 years. Most of them haven't been even remotely relevant in close to 20 years. It's called American Idol, not American Relic, for Christ's sake!

Ultimately, though, the fault lies in us, the American people. We make the choice to pick our Idols based on the superficial. We pick the cute guy over the crunchy hippie mama. We vote for someone because he seems "real" (actual quote from someone on Facebook last night). I'm not sure how Lee is more "real" than Crystal. Last time I checked, she was not a robot and I would argue that she seems just as (if not more) real as Lee. We embrace the underdog rather than rewarding talent. Yes, the drama teacher in me recognizes that Lee winning last night was probably the better story and American Idol has, over the course of the past several years, embraced the "story" over the talent. Sometimes, the talent triumphs. How many times was Carrie Underwood taken to task for lacking personality? (Watch American Idol Rewind sometime -- she was!) Sometimes, you get lucky and you get the big talent and the big personality in one -- Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard (ignore his post-Idol career and focus on his Idol performances. He was good.), Fantasia. But since season five when Taylor Hicks won on the basis of his grey hair, cheesy dancing, and "Soul Patrol", we as voters have increasingly gravitated away from and even, you could argue, rejected talent. We've sent Melinda Doolittle, Carly Smithson, Michael Johns, Allison Iraheta, Siobhan Magnus home way before their time. This year, we didn't even let Lilly Scott, Kaitlyn Epperly, or Alex Lambert into the top 12.

Before we point the finger at the kinks in Idol's armor (and yes, there are many), we need to take a look at ourselves and ask ourselves why we continue to punish the talented and reward the merely adequate. This epidemic extends beyond our reality shows. We send "artists" like Justin Bieber and Kesha (I refuse to use the dollar sign in lieu of an S) to the top of the charts while more talented, less packaged artists are touring clubs and selling CD's out of the backs of SUV's. We cancel Law and Order but keep Two and a Half Men on the air. We let the fourth installment of Shrek be the number one movie while intelligent, brilliantly made independent films fail to find audiences. We flock to Wal-Mart to buy the newest Twilight book; meanwhile my friend Peter struggles to find a publisher. We gobble up KFC's Double Down sandwich and scoff when the president talks about eating arugula. We are so willing to wallow in mediocrity rather than challenging ourselves to be better, smarter, stronger, healthier. I'm not going to lie. I'm guilty, too. I have spent plenty of money on stuff I should maybe be a little embarrassed about. I've got a Kesha song on my i-pod. I've certainly watched my share of crap tv. (Good Lord, I actually squealed with delight the other night when I saw a commercial for Wipeout!) I guess my argument would be that at least I know it's crap and embrace it accordingly. I'm not sure that's true of many others.

So now, dear Idol, the question must be raised -- do I stay in this disappointing relationship or do I walk away with Simon as a magical chorus of past Idols sings me into the sunset? (Can I just say that moment, when 7 of the past 8 winners were joined by a large number of fellow contestants to sing a cheesy schlock tune to wish Simon farewell, was one of my all-time favorite Idol moments and a total dream come true? The only way it could have been better is if they had performed a medley of victory anthems!) Does understanding the flaws in the system excuse the flaws? Right now, just a little over 12 hours after Lee's victory, I am not sure I can answer that question. The truth is that the formula is tired. Ellen did not inject much new life into the series. Whoever replaces Simon has a tremendous burden to shoulder. Maybe my decision will rest with that decision -- a great new judge might keep me on board, but it will be a much more cynical, jaded me that joins the party in January. And if the talent is as lame next year as it was this year, I can't promise I'll stick around for very long.

See you in January,
Mel

There Can Only Be One

Last night, the producers of American Idol did their darnedest to convince us that Lee Dewyze should be the next American Idol. Producer Simon Fuller assigned Dewyze the task of performing REM's "Everybody Hurts," a powerful song of surprisingly haunting optimism that would surely punch everyone in the gut emotionally. They then gave him his first potential single in U2's "Beautiful Day." (More on that later.) It's hard not to listen to that song and feel your soul soaring. Meanwhile, they saddled poor Crystal Bowersox with "Black Velvet", a nearly 20-year-old song that's been done to death on the Idol stage (I still am haunted by Nikki McKibben's version of the song . . . well of any song) and is frequently the victim of numerous crimes commited by the delusional auditioners each year. For her first single, Crystal was given "Up to the Mountain (MLK Song)", a song which I would suspect the majority of the viewing audience did not know before tonight -- including yours truly. Despite the disadvantage of having to perform first (thanks to a coin toss -- otherwise you KNOW the producers would have made sure Lee had that spot!), surely Lee would be able to secure his victory with these songs (and "The Boxer") in his pocket.

But you know what happened? Not that. Instead, Lee came out and gave what were essentially pretty anemic performances that only underscored the power of the original songs. Instead of helping him, these powerhouse songs, all sung originally by artists with distinctive voices and inflections, drug him down when Lee wasn't able to infuse them with the same passion and energy that Paul Simon, Michael Stipe, and Bono did. They became pale reminders of great songs rather than great songs. There was nothing particularly new or exciting about these songs that honestly bordered on karaoke more than once -- and not particularly great karaoke. All of Lee's vocal challenges -- his pitch issues, the fragility of his voice when he goes for power notes, his inability to really sustain a note -- became glaringly obvious. I suspect that his nerves probably played a huge factor. The poor kid went through the entire evening with a perpetual look of "Holy shit!" on his face. The terror in his eyes was palpable. You kind of felt bad for the poor kid. He spent weeks being pampered and stroked by the judges, being told how great he is and how he could win this thing, and when he needed a tremendous performance the most, he just didn't have it in him.

You know who DID have it in her, though? Crystal Bowersox. Crystal came into this competition with guns blasting. Who could forget that Hollywood Week performance of "Natural Woman" that was so good the other contestants seemingly had no choice but to join in on back-up? Week after week, she turned in consistently solid, skilled, nuanced performances. And then the backlash from the judging table started. How many times did she have to stand there and listen to Randy tell her it "wasn't his favorite performance" from her? How often was she chided by Ellen or Kara for not demonstrating enough personality and vulnerability? When she eased off the gas for a couple weeks, she was taken to task for not giving memorable, powerful performances (although I still maintain her "No One Needs to Know" and "Summer Wind" were solid performances). Last week, she had to stand there and smile as Lee Dewyze got the pimp treatment complete with a freakin' choir. A lot of people would have given up with a shrug and said, "Well, clearly they have a script they're not sharing here, so I guess I'd better just go along to get along."

Not Crystal Bowersox. Instead she came out and hit it so far out of the ballpark that I worried for pedestrians blocks away. Her reprisal of "Me and Bobby McGee" was better than the first time. I like that she did a slightly different "cutting" (to use the speech lingo) of the song and played with the dynamics so beautifully. When Ryan announced that Simon Fuller had assigned her "Black Velvet," I groaned. Images of Nikki McKibben and mall hair and . . . . I worried. (Also, again, it's a song that is 20 years old. When are the powers that be behind this show going to recognize that it is 2010 and that there has been a lot of music produced in the past decade or so . . . and some of it is pretty darn good?) It turns out the only thing to worry about was whether or not Crystal was going to make it down the steps in those heels. (Way to go, Crystal! I know it's tough to go from Birks and boots to heels, but you did it!) Her "Black Velvet" was sexy, soulful, and simply perfect. And then "Up to the Mountain" . . . wow. As I said before, I didn't know the song before last night. I've never listened to a lot of Patti Griffin music, but I'm thinking maybe I should. Maybe it helped, though, that the song was completely new to me and I could really just marvel in Crystal's performance without having a basis of comparison. I really felt like I was truly witnessing the birth of a star last night. I would say that she was "in it to win it." I actually DID say that last night only to have the exact same phrase echoed by Randy Jackson minutes later, leading me to vomit profusely. I can't let that happen again.

Disappointingly, what I was NOT witnessing, though, was the birth of a new Idol schlock anthem. Instead of saddling the contestants with another treacly ballad of pop psych hope and optimism, they were instead given covers for their first singles. Yes, both songs have powerful messages of hope and optimism, but they're, um, good. WTF? I came into last night excited to witness another lyrical train wreck. I guess after the majesty of "No Boundaries," though, they just gave up. I mean, what could ever top the perfection of "You can go higher, You can go deeper, There are no boundaries, Above and beneath you, Break every rule coz there's nothing between you, And your dreams." Aw, Kara, after that song, baby, they broke the mold. I guess it was hoping too much to hope for something as cheesily delightful as that. Why bother to try?

Clearly there's no need for rankings tonight. I'm not sure there are many people out there who would argue that Lee outperformed Crystal. Of course, I'm sure that Chicagoland phone lines were blazing last night with calls to Lee's numbers, and I don't know that I would be tremendously shocked if it's Lee getting the confetti shower tonight. It would be a shame, though, because this was a case where clearly the other performer has earned that shower and that glory in a much more obvious way. For the past several months, Crystal has been consistent, she's never compromised, and she's always found a way to entertain. If that's not an American Idol, well, then, maybe I don't know what one is anymore.

Armchair Quarterbacking American Idol

My students are testing today (we just finished reading Of Mice and Men), so it leaves me with a little downtime -- the perfect opportunity to do a little surfing as spring break gets closer and closer. Having exhausted local car dealership websites as I debate whether now is the time to get rid of my Sebring before it needs any more costly repairs, I moved to American Idol and stumbled across this, a list of the songs from which the Idols will chose for next week's R&B themed performances.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooh!

As I looked through the list, I found myself thinking, "Oh! I hope Crystal tries that one. Oh, Lord, please let Katie Stevens keep her hands off that!"

So I decided to do a little armchair quarterbacking to list what songs I THINK the Idols should do next week. Feel free to agree or disagree . . . not that I think anyone is actually reading these Idol ramblings of mine.

Crystal Bowersox
"Let's Stay Together" (Al Green), "Chain of Fools" (Aretha Franklin), "Midnight Train to Georgia" (Gladys Knight and the Pips), "Dancing in the Streets" (Martha and the Vandellas), "People Get Ready" (The Impressions).
Crystal intimated to the judges that she had a "surprise" planned for Tuesday. My suspicion is that she's going for something a little more upbeat. "Dancing in the Streets" would be a good, upbeat number that would lend itself to her happy hippy vibe. (Check out the Grateful Dead doing that song.) Many of the others I've listed would also allow her to let loose a little more. I'd LOVE to hear her do Gladys Knight. Since Crystal is stalking me, I wouldn't be surprised to hear her tackle "Midnight Train." When this theme was announced last night, I worried for Crystal, but seeing this list makes me think that she'll be just fine.

Siobhan Magnus
"I Can't Stand the Rain" (Tina Turner), "Tell Me Something Good" (Chaka Khan and Rufus)
While Siobhan has tackled some classic R&B tunes before ("Think", "Superstition"), it is her rock performances that tend to stand out more. Siobhan is at her best when she goes dark, and either of these songs will let her go there. I think "Tell Me Something Good" is probably her best choice in that it's got a great groove that she can dirty up a little.

Didi Bemani
"Rainy Night in Georgia" (Brook Benton), "Georgia on My Mind" (Ray Charles), "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" (Jimmy Ruffin), "Mercy Mercy Me" (Marvin Gaye), "Just My Imagination" (The Temptations)
I think Didi is going to be in trouble next week. For starters, the theme doesn't necessarily suit her voice or style all that well. For another, am I the only one who found her a bit petulant and maybe even rude last night when she called the judges on the carpet for their contradictory advice? My sis is a firm believer that contestants who talk back to the judges (particularly Simon) are dooming themselves to bottom three territory at the very least if not outright elimination. It happened to the beloved Justin Guarini. He got a little sassy in season one and boom! He was in the bottom three. (His curls saved him from elimination, I suspect.) Kevin Covais got snippy with Simon. Boom! Gone the next week. I think Didi would do well to stay within her wheelhouse and tackle one of these soulful tunes that might lend themselves better to her note bending voice rather than come out and try to be a total diva. Her delicacy may save her. Or not.

Katie Stevens
"Umbrella" (Rihanna), "We Belong Together" (Mariah Carey), "The Boy Is Mine" (Brandy), "No One" (Alicia Keys)
Even though her Fergie cover landed her in the bottom three last night, Katie needs to stay contemporary and young to save herself from elimination. She claimed last night that she wanted to be a pop/R&B artist, so here's her chance. Granted, there's not a ton of contemporary stuff on the list (at least not that's well-suited for a 17-year-old girl), but any of these songs could be good for her. Also, they are a bit more upbeat, which may help breathe a little life in Katie who can seem a bit wooden onstage. "We Belong Together" would be my choice although I worry it's out of Katie's range. The kid needs to take some risks, though, if she wants to stick around for another week.

Mike Lynche
"I'll Make Love to You" (Boyz II Men), "Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing" (Marvin Gaye), "I Wish" (Stevie Wonder), "This Old Heart of Mine" (The Isley Brothers)
The big mystery of next week will be wondering who is going to show up -- the Big Mike capable of tearing our hearts out (ala "This Woman's Work") or the Big Mike who's pointing and cheesing it up and shucking and jiving his way around the stage (ala "Miss You"). My hope is that Mike takes the heart tearing route and chooses a slightly uptempo ballad. Yes, I recognize that any of these songs (particularly "I'll Make Love to You") have a lot of cheese potential, but done right (which I think Mike is capable of), they can be really moving.

Casey James
"Mustang Sally" (Wilson Pickett), "In the Midnight Hour" (Wilson Pickett), "Easy" (The Commodores)
I'm going to be really surprised if Casey doesn't do "Mustang Sally." Seriously, the guy is just a good ol' bar band dude, and is there a good ol' bar band out there that doesn't have "Mustang Sally" in its repetoire? Come on!

Tim Urban
"Don't Be Cruel" (Bobby Brown), "I Want You Back" (Jackson 5), "I Second That Emotion" (Smokey Robinson and the Miracles)
We have to think that Tim is probably in the most danger this week based on two consecutive weeks in the bottom three. At some point, his cuteness will no longer be enough to keep the votes coming in (and come on, we all know the reason Tim is still around is the fact that he's so damn cute!). I think he could probably do any of these songs justice . . . well, okay, maybe that's stretching things. He wouldn't totally suck at these songs. Well, okay . . . maybe . . . Fine! These are my suggestions.

Andrew Garcia
"Dock of the Bay" (Otis Redding), "Who's Loving You?" (Jackson 5), "Human Nature" (Michael Jackson)
I'm really at a bit of a loss for Andrew. We know he's going to go acoustic. There aren't a ton of songs that lend themselves to the acoustic treatment or even to an Andrew-style reinvention ala "The Song I Refuse to Mention from Hollywood Week." I think he could do a really lovely "Dock of the Bay." But at this point with Andrew, who knows?

Aaron Kelly
"Never Can Say Goodbye" (Jackson 5), "Higher and Higher" (Jackie Wilson)
Aaron is another tough one. He's had some good performances the past few weeks with ballads, but I think Aaron needs to youth-enize himself, too, to begin proving he could be the new Justin Bieber or the country Bieber I think he should try to be. He might be better off with some Chris Brown or Ne-Yo, but I'm not overly familiar with their work, so I'm going with these two more uptempo numbers with the caveat that Chris Brown or Ne-Yo might be a better option. How's that for playing it safe?

Lee Dewyze
"Rainy Night in Georgia" (Brook Benton), "I've Been Loving You Too Long" (Otis Redding), "Living for the City" (Stevie Wonder)
Poor Lee. I have to admit I keep forgetting that he's even on this show! Again, I imagine this week may be a struggle for him. I am reluctant to put "Living for the City" on this list since Taylor Hicks did such a memorable cover of that back in season five, but it's a song that could be well suited to Lee's gravelly tone.

Thoughts? (No hate mail when NONE of my predictions come true)

Future Stars and Cannon Fodder

American Idol finished unveiling its top 24 contestants last night. After an interminable Tuesday night that seemed more like the Idol production of No Exit than anything even remotely resembling entertainment, last night wrapped things up in relatively speedy fashion as the judges exercised their last threads of power before turning everything over to the capricious whims of the American public. Tuesday, we got to watch the four of them huddled over a conference table (fascinating entertainment!) and then last night, they sat in comfy chairs on the stage at the Kodak to deliver the news to the nauseous performers. Who had made the cut? Who was being sent home?

There were some attempts to stir up some suspense. Would the final female spot go to teenaged black country crooner Haeley Vaughn (um, am I the only one who thinks of All My Children whenever they mention her name?) who has gotten HOURS of screen time or would it instead go to Tori Kelly, a lovely young woman that I feel like I had never seen for a second before last night. Wouldn't it have been a little more suspenseful if, instead of Tori, the other possibility had been Angela Martin who was truly the big shock of the night? (Seriously, the producers were clearly pushing for us to root for Angela with her multiple trips to Hollywood, her multiple tales of heartache and adversity. If anyone needed American Idol, it was Angela, and yet there was Kara hugging her and telling her that she had not made the cut.) Same with the "Who's the last man?" cliffhanger. Was there anyone sitting at home who thought Andrew Garcia was going to be sent home? Sure, Thaddeus Johnson had gotten more screen time than Tori Kelly and was memorable for his refusal to be "Bubbly" when the band started playing the wrong song. But with Andrew Garcia as the other contender, it didn't seem like a mystery as to which one would advance. There were several other men who made it through without the fawning screentime Andrew Garcia got. If it had come down to Thaddeus and, say, Alex Kelly? Or Jermaine Sellers? Now those would have been a case where you could see the judges going either way. Missed opportunity on the part of the producers, I have to say.

Let's take a look at our top 24 and size up their chances for the future. Idol has this year returned to the semifinal format that it used for several years -- 12 men and 12 women who will be whittled down week-by-week until we get the group cut in half with 6 men and 6 women. From there, it's anyone's game. This is Idol's attempt at gender equity, an idea that, I believe, sprang out of season 3 where there were so many amazing women (Fantasia, J-Hud, LaToya London, Diana DiGarmo) and not so many amazing men (George Huff anyone? John Stevens?). They went back to a less restrictive environment last year and ended up with a more male-heavy season with only Allison Iraheta being much of a contender for the ladies. So of the lists below, only half of the men and half of the women will make it to the big show, and the decision lies with us.

The semifinalists below are listed in terms of the ones I think have the best shot at cracking the top 12.


The Men:
The judges repeatedly said last night that this was a strong year for the ladies, and this list bears witness to this. There aren't a ton of really solid contenders for Kris Allen's tiara outside of one or two. Entry into the top 12 may largely come down to personality or the cute factor, which is unfortunate because it may allow some weaker men in while stronger women are sent home. We'll see....

1. Andrew Garcia: This guy is, right now, the strongest shot the guys have at the title. He's like this perfect blend of Kris Allen and Danny Gokey -- folksy vibe with some mighty chops. (Oh, God, I sound like Kara!) The worry I have is that he doesn't necessarily LOOK the part of an Idol with his neck tattoo and I wonder how America will respond to an Idol with his rough background. (Remember, he's the one whose parents were in gangs.) He is a real talent, though, and I can't wait to hear him perform again after that amazing "Straight Up" from Hollywood Week, Day 1.

2. Mike Lynche -- Is Mike Lynche the next best singer? No, but he has the best story, and Americans are suckers for a good story. Big Mike is the guy whose wife went into labor DURING Hollywood Week. He stayed and kept America updated on the progress of his wife's cervix and the baby's arrival throughout the Hollywood episodes. If the editing is to be believed, Baby Lynche was born seconds before Daddy took the stage for the group performance. Mike seems like a really likable guy, has a good voice, and maybe can be the one to really break the curse African-American men seem to have on this show. Since Ruben Studdard won in season 2, there hasn't been a black man who could be viewed as a real contender -- or at least there hasn't been one allowed into the final 12. (Ju'not Joyner, people!) Maybe Mike is the one. Or maybe not. Maybe staying up late with baby will ruin those pipes and send him packing.

3. Casey James -- Casey initially seemed like a joke contestant. Remember he is the poor guy who was sexually harrassed by Kara and Posh Spice, asked to take down his hair and remove his shirt at his Denver audition. Tres jolie, Coco. Tres jolie. Once Casey got to Hollywood, though, he demonstrated some significant talent with a raspy, bluesy vibe reminiscent of a rough-around-the-edges Kenny Wayne Shepherd or Johnny Lang. Or to put it in Idol parlance, he's a more attractive Taylor Hicks. He seems like a good guy that America can cling to. My sis points out his resemblance to Bucky Covington, but I would like to remind her that Bucky made it pretty far in the competition, so there!

4. John Park -- John had a great Chicago audition, although, again, he is perhaps better known for being yet another victim of sexual harassment hilarity when Shania Twain's comment about his "bottom end" was turned into frat house guffawing by Randy. John, though, was virtually invisible during Hollywood Week, which could be a concern. He received almost zero screen time. With the notoriously short attention spans Americans have, can John survive to the top 12? He's going to have to bring a lot of that bottom end to his performance.

5. Tyler Grady -- Tyler is cute. He's rocking a 70s, wannabe-Morrison vibe. Girls need a cutie to vote for, and Tyler may be the one this year even though to me, he's just a less attractive Justin Guarini.

6. Lee Dewyze -- I'm honestly putting Lee in here because he's a Chicagoan, he's older, and I feel no real love for any of the other men in the 12 here.

My "alternate" vote would go to Todrick Hall, a kind of arrogant seeming kid who has worked with Fantasia. He's got a sparkle about him, though, and he could really make a run for the top 12 with some dynamite performances over the next couple weeks.

As for the rest of the guys, I'm probably the most annoyed with the inclusion of Aaron Kelly. Aaron is a kid who forgot his lyrics multiple times during Hollywood Week. He seems like a talented kid, but he also seems a bit immature and fragile. He's a kid who could have benefited from sitting it out for a year and then coming back next with with a more mature voice and ego.

I will be honest in saying I have no idea who Joe Munoz or Jermaine Sellers really are. Sellers had a good audition (as you can see here), but has not really registered with me since then. And I keep confusing the emo stylings of Tim Urban with the emo stylings of Alex Lambert (That name has to be fake, right? Is he like the straight Adam Lambert? Like in a drag show where it's Lisa Minooli instead of Liza Minelli? This is a "drag" version of Adam?). And yes, I realize that I could be dismissing our future Idol without a moment's hesitation by writing these four guys off so quickly. Kris Allen was virtually nonexistent at this point last year (and my friends may remember that I wrote him off pretty quickly, too). So maybe it's in their best interest that I predict that Joe, Jermaine, Tim, and Alex will be sent packing pretty quickly.


The Women
This is a particularly strong year for women, yes. As I look at this list, I see 4 or 5 women who could very well be standing on the Kodak stage in May crooning some god-awful Kara DioGuardi tune. It could be a battle amongst these women, all of whom seem quite nice and even a bit fragile. Could another Christina Christian collapse be on the way? Pretty please??

1. Didi Benami Picking a favorite among these women is really tough. When it comes down to it, I'm not sure Didi Benami is my favorite vocalist, but she may have the best chance in terms of presenting a package. I give her the slight edge over Janell Wheeler despite the fact that I worry about Didi's emotional fragility. Didi seems just a touch more mainstream, and I can easily see Janell going the country route. Yes, we loved our Carrie Underwood, but the country route hasn't paid out so well since Carrie.

2. Janell Wheeler But I would not at all be surprised to see Janell advance to the finals. She's like Brooke White with more talent. She's gorgeous and has a beautiful voice. My concern with her, outside of the country thing, is also whether she is up to the challenge. Hollywood Week left her hoarse and sick. What will the top 12 do?

3. Lilly Scott I love Lilly. She has such a wonderful, pure voice with this delightful quirky vibe. I don't know how America will react, though, to that quirky vibe. I think Lilly is in need of a good stylist. Her hair is a fright, her fashion sense is limited, and Americans can be really harsh on stuff like that. I'd hate to see Lilly go the way of an Amanda Overmyer where her style keeps America from embracing her.

4. Crystal Bowersox Crystal is my favorite of the women, but as a potential "rocker" she has a tougher road than anyone else. America does not like rocker chicks. Just ask Ryan Starr, Amy Adams, Vanessa Olivarez, Gina Glocksen, Amanda Overmyer, Carly Smithson, Alexis Grace, Allison Iraheta . . . . The thing is that, with the exception of maybe Allison and Carly, Crystal is way more talented than the other rocker chicks who've made a charge for the title. She also has a vulnerability that those other women were lacking. I admit I am completely charmed by this little Janis Joplin wannabe and suspect I may be making a lot of calls on her behalf.

5. Lacey Brown Lacey was stopped just short of the top 24 last year, being denied the spot that was instead given to Megan Corkery. Good choice, judges. Lacey seems like a fun, talented woman who is perhaps best equipped to hold her own in the face of the juggernaut presented by Didi, Janell, Lilly, and Crystal. There's a maturity about Lacey, too, that will serve her well in terms of dealing with the pressure of the gig. She seems like maybe the emotionally strongest of the bunch. I do feel like her voice seems a bit affected at times, but that may not be an issue.

6. Katie Stevens We like precocious, wildly talented teenagers. Katie fits the bill. She's cute, she's got a grandma with Alzheimer's. She may be the sixth woman in.

Alt: Haeley Vaughn Or it may be Haeley. Now, I will say the same thing about Haeley that I said about Aaron Kelly. I think the judges did a disservice by putting her in the top 24 this year. She needs a little more time to age and mature and to get a better handle on her voice. A couple of her Hollywood Week performances seemed shaky at best with some wonky notes popping up throughout. Haeley, though, seems very cute and sweet and there's a certain novelty about a 16-year-old black girl singing Carrie Underwood songs. She has a sort of Mandy Moore vibe about her, and her little lisp is endearing. I just think that she needed another year.

Of the other women, Paige Miles and Michelle Delamor seem like total strangers to me. I feel like I've never seen them before in my life. In Paige's case, that may be true since a youtube search for her pulls up absolutely nothing. Ashley Rodriguez reminds me too much of Jordin Sparks, and I am still raw from Jordin winning in the season that should have belonged to Melinda Doolittle. (Seriously, what was America thinking?!?!????!???) I honestly can't get over Siobhan Magnus's Punky Brewster-inspired wardrobe, and I felt like the snippets we saw of her final Hollywood Week performance we shouty. As for Katelyn Epperly, well, it seems like she's the recipient of this year's "pretty girl" slot. Every year, the judges let through some pretty girl whose vocals are weak but who makes up for it with legs, face, hair, boobs, et cetera. Compared to most of the women on this list, Katelyn is a seems like a real lightweight. Would it be that shocking to see her make the top 12? Probably not -- we like cute girls, and the show does have a history of those girls making it further than they should (think Kimberly Caldwell, Julia DiMato, Lisa Tucker, Kellie Pickler, Haley Scarnato). Katelyn could be a Katherine McPhee in disguise, but we really haven't seen anything to indicate that to us at this point, so I'm more than willing to write her off.

Next week is where the real fun begins. I'll do my best to post quickly after each performance episode. I know that for some of my readers, this is their only American Idol information, so I will do my best to keep you informed. And if you don't care about American Idol, sorry.

Another Dirty Dozen

Before I launch into this week's Idol reaction, I wanted to briefly touch on the Oscars. They've been discussed a lot, so I will keep this brief since I'm sure we're all kind of tired of the Oscars. Obviously, I was pretty psyched to see Slumdog win -- the streak lives!! Even though I picked Mickey Rourke over Sean Penn, I was happy to see Sean Penn win since I WANTED him to win. I loved the touch of having former winners present the award with those touching tributes, I liked the grouping of the tech awards (and how they told the story of the creation of a film), I even liked the cheesy-ass musical numbers. It capped off a long, tiring weekend. (This was the weekend I took my two girls to State. We didn't make it to finals, but I couldn't be prouder of those two. They are pure class all the way.)

Now, on to Idol:

We move to our next group of twelve tonight, and, well, if we thought the talent pool was shallow last week, this week was a veritable puddle compared to last week! This was a week when I actually sat here and thought to myself, "Why am I watching this?" Not much from tonight gave me a really solid reason other than the sort of schadenfreude pleasure of watching train wreck after train wreck live on national television.

A rundown of tonight's performers:

1. Jasmine Murray: Jasmine was one of those early favorites that the producers seemed to have identified during the audition weeks. She suffered through Group Day with Bikini Girl and survived to live the tale. She was destined for fame. She actually reminded me during the audition process of Paris Bennett -- a cute, precocious, talented young girl. During her intro video, I found Jasmine a little annoying, to be quite honest, and then she came out and did "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles, which is one of my favorite songs of the past year. And it was not good. It was incredibly pitchy, out of her range, and just pretty awful. Performing first tonight won't do Jasmine any favors, and with that performance, I'm not sure I'd hold my breath for a wild card spot unless the judges are making decisions based on the promise shown during Hollywood Week.

2. Matt Giraud: Matt was another early favorite after that killer rendition of "Georgia On My Mind" he did during Hollywood Week. He's a cutie for sure, and I was pretty psyched when I heard he was going to sing Coldplay's "Viva La Vida," which is perhaps my absolute favorite song right now. (Whenever I hear it on the radio, I get so happy!) But this was a pretty total train wreck to me. He had this weird pacing and these horrific runs. (I HATE THOSE RUNS -- where they try to cram 50 notes where one sustained and lovely note should be. My sister calls it "shitting all over the song.") It was just bad, bad, bad. The judges may give Matt a wild card shot based on his Hollywood Week audition and if the rest of the performances this week are as lackluster and awful as this one.

3. Jeanine Veiles: WHO? Poor Jeanine, aged 28, has been trying to break into the biz for 14 years (yeah, do that math!). She received little to no "face time" during the audition weeks, so is pretty much meeting America anew this week. And I suspect America will politely but firmly slam the door in her face. She performed "This Love" by Maroon 5. I initially liked her attempt to turn it into more of an R&B diva kind of tune, but she had this weird vibratto thing going on and was adding all sorts of ridiculous runs. JUST SING THE DAMN NOTE!!! All the judges could comment on were her legs -- which was insulting, sexist, and telling. If they can't say anything nice about your singing, they talk about your looks. Jeanine, after 14 years, it's time to find a real job.

4. Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle: Words fail me where this guy is concerned. Here's the thing -- I think he's an amazing freakin' showman. I would happily go watch him perform in a cabaret bar and probably laugh my ass off as I sing along with him. He has a pretty good voice, he's fearless, and he's a helluva lot of fun. Should he be American Idol? Probably not, but when he's gone, I'll miss him. His "And I Am Telling You" was campy and will probably be the performance I'll remember best tomorrow night. And I'm not ashamed to say that I called and threw the guy a vote because he made me laugh -- in a good way.

5. Allison Iraheta: During her interview with Ryan before her performance, I found Allison annoying. And then I found out she was peforming "Alone," which is one of those songs that maybe should be retired after Carrie Underwood's amazing performance back in season 4. So I didn't have high hopes for Allison. And then she came out and you know what? The kid did a pretty decent job. I thought it got to be a little much by the end and the background music did her no favors, but the kid was pretty darn good. This, however, brings me to a "concern." Allison is a high school junior. While she is tutored during her Idol tenure, I have some serious issues with her missing out on school to do Idol. Junior year is so crucial in a student's educational career, and I would hate to see Allison miss out and lose out on a more successful future to participate on a reality program. Okay, teacher hat off now. :)

6. Kris Allen: Kris was another "WHO?" for me. I don't remember this guy at all. And tonight won't help that. He performed "Man in the Mirror," a fact which I only remember because I took notes during tonight's performance. He was a bit pitchy and bland -- and talk about lousy song choice! It's perhaps one of Michael Jackson's weakest songs. That's not the song that will make America love you, Kris, so back to obscurity with you.

7. Megan Corkerey: During audition weeks, I have to confess I wasn't overly thrilled with Megan. She was quirky, yes, but I wasn't sure I liked the quirkiness she possessed. Tonight's performance of "Put Your Records On" was a little better for me. Here, her quirkiness worked for me. I could see her doing well on this show.

8. Matt Breitzke: One of the other blue collar dudes, Matt seems like a likable guy. He came out and did "If You Could Only See" -- of course. Doesn't every blue collar dude love that song? The whole thing seemed like a really good karaoke performance at a bar on the outskirts of town where all the welders hang out. Poor Matt didn't get the kind of pimping that Michael Sarver got last week when Simon all but ordered America to vote for the guy, and that's too bad because, truth be told, I liked Matt tonight a lot more than Michael last week -- until he talked back to Simon when he criticized his song choice. Talking back to Simon is my biggest pet peeve. Just shut up and listen to the man.

9. Jessie Langseth: In her interview package, Jessie came across as a very likable, chill chick. I was so ready to like her. And then she came out and sang "Bette Davis Eyes" with this weird sort of nasal and affected voice. (Like can you seriously tell me that her voice NATURALLY sounds that way? Of course not! You MAKE your voice sound that way. And did anyone else notice that when they played the recap at the end -- which is taken from dress rehearsal and not the actual live performance -- her voice sounded LESS affected? J'accuse, faker!!) It just didn't work for me. Multiple weeks of that fake-ass voice would be the sort of thing that could break me and Idol up again.

10. Kai Kalama: Kai is very cute even if his hair really bugs me. (Please look in a mirror before you come out and perform and maybe consider a trim to even out the look a little bit.) His choice of "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" was nice, but I kept thinking that it sounded awfully Season 1 to me. Like I could see Kai alongside Jim Verraros and AJ Gill and Justin Guarini, but I also think that the show has grown beyond those Season 1 kinds of performances. Outside of Kelly Clarkson and Tamyra Grey, there was a real blandness to the talent of that season. Think of the Season 1 top 10 and compare them with the talent of later seasons that did NOT capture the crown -- Clay Aiken, Kimberley Locke, Jennifer Hudson, Bo Bice, Chris Daughtry, Elliot Yamin, Melinda Doolittle, Carly Smithson, Michael Johns, etc. Kai just doesn't quite cut it.

11. Mishovanna Henson: I really liked this girl. Her song choice was odd ("Drops of Jupiter" is really better when sung by a man about a woman), but her performance of it was enjoyable. I liked the quality of her voice perhaps the best of all the women tonight, but she's going to be fighting hard against Allison Iraheta and Megan Corkerey for a shot, and the lukewarm response from the judges may hurt her. Too bad.

12. Adam Lambert: First of all, brother has some brass ones to tackle "Satisfaction." Talk about iconic! I liked the arrangement he had -- for once the music didn't sound like a karaoke CD. The thing is that the song felt very Broadway to me. Don't get me wrong: I loves me some Broadway. But this felt like Adam was auditioning for the lead in the latest jukebox hit heading for Broadway -- Start Me Up: The Rolling Stones Story. Yes, the vocals were hot, but there was a lack of anything really genuine there. It seemed stripped of the rawness and grittiness that made parents across America fear that Mick and Keith were coming to rape their daughters. The judges were fawning all over Adam -- and I don't blame them. He clearly was the best performance of the evening, hands down, but he seems much more Constantine Maroulis than David Cook.

Adam is probably guaranteed a slot tomorrow night. None of the other men came even remotely close to touching him in terms of talent and performance. I think the other two spots may be taken by women -- Allison Iraheta and Megan Corkerey. Mishovanna Henson could be a dark horse, but I suspect that the better responses they got from the judges will give Allison and Megan the edge. I wouldn't be surprised to see Jasmine, Matt Giraud, and maybe Mishovanna back for the wild card show.

How Reality TV Can Make You a Better Person

Today, I was at rehearsal for the show I'm working on this summer (a collection of Christopher Durang one acts). The director was telling an actor that he wanted him to do a "model walk" like on a catwalk. I instantly began giving all my best advice from America's Next Top Model -- not too make shake, confidence, and make sure you give a couple poses at the end of the runway. That immediately got me to thinking about how, before I started watching ANTM, I never would have been able to give any kind of advice as to how to walk like a model. I don't know if I'd ever really ever SEEN a catwalk before ANTM with the exception of the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie ends up as fashion roadkill. * Anyway, it got me to thinking about what other life lessons have I learned from my guilty pleasure -- reality television.

1. Project Runway: Never underestimate what you can do with limited (or unusual) resources. On Runway, we've seen designers create amazing garments out of flowers, recycled products, and items purchased in a grocery store or candy store. The designers of Runway are constantly being forced to think outside the box and move outside of their comfort zones, and that's something we all need to do every once in a while.

2. Design Star : This is my newest reality tv addiction, but in just the short amount of time I've been watching it, I've learned that creativity is not safe. You need to take chances and push yourself. Things don't have to be perfect and "matchy matchy" to be incredible. When you play it safe, you become boring and that's when it's time to go home. That's a lesson that Michael Stribling learned the hard way.

3. Legally Blonde: The Search for Elle Woods : Sometimes, it's NOT who you know. When I first started watching this show, I was positive that the winner would be Emma . It wasn't that Emma screamed Elle Woods to me or that she stood out as the best singer (although she was quite good) or the best actress (again, she wasn't bad). It was the fact that I happened to find out that Emma was Emma Zaks . . . as in Jerry Zaks . . . as in multiple-Tony-winning director Jerry Zaks. When I looked Emma up on the Internet Broadway Database, I found out that her limited Broadway credits included appearing in the revival of La Cage aux Folles which was directed by Jerry Zaks and choreographed by Jerry Mitchell (now the director and choreographer of Legally Blonde: The Musical). Not only that, but another member of the La Cage ensemble included actor Paul Canaan who not only is currently a member of the Legally Blonde ensemble but is also one of the three judges on The Search for Elle Woods. Emma didn't scream Elle Woods; she screamed ringer! I watched with a cynical eye as Emma struggled with her recent decision to quit smoking and the ensuing havoc it wreaked on her vocal stamina. I watched with a cynical eye as Emma battled bronchitis the week of the big dancing audition. I snorted as Emma informed the judges that, with her bronchitis, she would have called for an understudy that day. I felt no concern when Emma was in the bottom two. I just felt sorry for the clearly more talented but also struggling Autumn. I hoped Autumn had her bags packed. And then, the unthinkable happened. Head judge Bernie Telsey informed Emma that he just didn't see her as Elle Woods. SHE WAS CUT! Gone was the Broadway legacy, leaving behind six genuine unknowns to continue battling for the role in the show that's sure to close as soon as she takes over the part.

4. American Idol : Idol and I have had a rocky relationship over the past eight seasons. It's the Tommy Lee to my Pamela Anderson -- we can't live with each other and we can't live without each other. It began as a relationship of derision. I watched the first episode to mock it out of boredom and promptly fell in love. I spent that first summer glued to the screen (and my phone) cheering for the person I was sure would win -- Tamyra Grey -- only to see Tamyra's chances fade when America somehow thought that a punk rock wannabe karaoke singing single mom named Nikki McKibben was somehow more worthy of the crown than Tamyra. I sobbed that night and vowed to see the show through to the end if only to make sure that Nikki's evil reign was stopped and that the next deserving winner, Kelly Clarkson, was crowned. Over the years, the heartbreak and joy continued -- whether it was the disappointment to see Clay Aiken's Cinderella story not quite come true (although I'd argue he is more of an American Idol than Ruben Studdard), the shock of Chris Daughtry's elimination, or the embarrassment of Taylor Hicks winning and Sanjaya Malakar lasting as long as he did. I even walked out on Idol for awhile. I missed most of the most recent season in protest of Melinda Doolittle's elimination in season 6. (I still seethe when I think about it -- that and the fact that a year later, Melinda STILL has no record contract!) What brought me back was Paula's infamous "oops" moment from season 7 when she critiqued Jason Castro's performance BEFORE he gave it. Oh, Paula, what you won't do to win my heart back! I knew that no matter what, Idol was going to give great tv, and I didn't want to miss out on those water cooler moments even if those water cooler moments broke my heart. So what is the lesson of American Idol other than the American public has often questionable taste in music (which, honestly, isn't most of pop music a lesson in that?)? The lesson is that love conquers all -- heartbreak, disappointment, disgust . . . none of it compares to the love I still feel when Ryan says, "THIS . . . is American Idol." Oh, Ryan. You had me at "THIS."

5. Dancing with the Stars : Anyone can dance. It just takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Natural athletic ability helps (Kristi Yamaguchi!), but even someone like Marlee Matlin can do it. She can't even hear the music, people! Besides that, I've also found that I can appreciate the technical aspect of dancing much more now that I've become a fan of DWTS. As someone who directs a musical every spring, I've gained a little more confidence to help my students find their own grace on stage. Plus, Cristian de la Fuente should never EVER wear a shirt.

6. America's Got Talent : America may have talent (and based on the couple of episodes I've watched of this show, a couple of us out there do), but isn't it kind of sad that it takes two Brits and a washed-up 80s icon to determine that talent? The lesson here clearly is that the British are smarter than we are and that washed-up 80s icons are sad and freaky. Wait -- I guess American Idol taught me that last lesson first. My bad, Paula!

* For some reason I could only find this clip dubbed in Spanish. The brilliance transcends language, though.