You have to be freakin' kidding me!

Those of you who know me may know that one of my all-time favorite books is Kay Thompson's Eloise, the story of a little girl who lives at the Plaza Hotel in New York. Growing up, I would read the Eloise books and dream of living at the Plaza myself. Of course, I didn't realize then how kind of sad Eloise's life was -- she was raised by her loving Nanny while her mother was jet setting around the world and her absentee father was nowhere to be seen. (At least her mother called every once in a while!) As an adult when I learned that Thompson had based Eloise on a young Liza Minelli, though, my love for Eloise only grew.

So you can imagine my excitement when I found out that Eloise would be hitting the big screen -- and hitting Paris no less. I read the article and was only confused by one thing -- Uma Thurman's name listed as one of the stars. Perhaps, I thought, she would be playing Eloise's mother. Perhaps, I thought, the producers were making Eloise's life a little less sad and full of negligence. So I hopped over to Internet Movie Database and found that Uma Thurman is playing . . . are you ready for this? . . . NANNY!

Please take a moment to look at the picture accompanying this post. That's Nanny. What about the woman in this picture suggests to you Uma Thurman? This is a role that has been played in the past by actresses such as Julie Andrews (who appeared in a few made-for-tv Eloise films) and Lynn Redgrave (who voiced Nanny for Starz's animated Eloise series). When there is such a dearth of parts out there for older actresses, why take a role like this and give it to Uma Thurman -- WHO IS MY AGE! I am NOT old enough to play Nanny, and neither is Uma!

And seriously, how do you pitch something like this to Uma Thurman, and if you're Uma Thurman, how do you accept? Personally, I'd be INSULTED if I were offered that part, and I have an ass to rival Nanny's (whose ass is ample enough that Eloise plays it like a bongo)! But I'm about 20 years too young. If I were Uma Thurman, I'd be like, "Screw you for even offering me this part! I am a still young hot woman, not a menopausal English nanny!" Were Emma Thompson (who's probably too young, too), Joan Plowright, Frances McDormand (again, maybe a bit too young), Brenda Blethyn, Julie Walters, Lynn Redgrave, Julie Andrews, or Judi Dench (to name just a few) too busy? And if so, could someone please steer me towards what they're too busy doing because, quite frankly, I would rather see them read the phone book than watch Uma Thurman get uglied up to play Nanny. (As my sis said as I ranted about this over dinner, "If they want to ugly up a hot young actress, why not just do what everyone else does and hire Charlize Theron?")

As the boys from South Park would say: "SHENANIGANS!!!"